Doctor Who (2005) Transcripts

[We carry on from where Episode One left off - Rose runs into the TARDIS and joins the Doctor]

DOCTOR
Right then, Rose Tyler - you tell me, where do you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time. What's it going to be?

ROSE
Forwards.

[The Doctor presses a few buttons]

DOCTOR
How far?

ROSE
One hundred years.

[He pulls a lever and turns a knob. The engines lurch and then stop after a few seconds]

DOCTOR
There you go, step outside those doors, it's the twenty-second century.

ROSE
You're kidding.

DOCTOR
That's a bit boring though, do you want to go further?

ROSE
Fine by me!

[The Doctor starts up the engines again. When they stop, he looks at her]

DOCTOR
Ten thousand years in the future. Step outside, it's the year 12005, the New Roman Empire.

ROSE [teasingly]
You think you're so impressive.

DOCTOR
I am so impressive!

ROSE
You wish!

DOCTOR
Right then, you asked for it. I know exactly where to go.

[He turns the engines on and pumps a lever furiously]

DOCTOR
Hold on!

[The TARDIS hurtles through the time vortex. With a pinging noise, the TARDIS stops]

ROSE
Where are we?

[The Doctor gestures towards the doors. Rose smiles excitedly]

ROSE
What's out there?

[The Doctor gestures again. Rose steps outside the doors and finds herself in some kind of wooden room. The Doctor follows her and with his sonic screwdriver, opens the shutters of an enormous window. They go down the stairs and find themselves looking down on the Planet Earth]

DOCTOR
You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you're going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible. Maybe you survive. This is the year 5.5/apple/26. Five billion years in your future. This is the day... hold on...

[The Doctor looks at his watch]

DOCTOR
This is the day the sun expands. Welcome to the end of the world.

[Rose stares]

***

OPENING CREDITS

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON
BILLIE PIPER

THE END OF THE WORLD
by Russell T Davies

***

[Two space shuttles zoom towards an enormous ship]

LOUDSPEAKER
Shuttles 5 and 6 now docking. Guests are reminded that platform 1 forbids the use of weapons, teleportation and religion. Earth Death is scheduled for 15:39, followed by drinks in the Manchester Suite.

***

[Rose and the Doctor are walking down a corridor]

ROSE
So, when it says 'guests' does that mean people?

DOCTOR
Depends what you mean by people.

ROSE
I mean people. What do you mean?

DOCTOR
Aliens.

ROSE
What are they doing on board this spaceship? What's it all for?

[The Doctor starts to open a door with his sonic screwdriver]

DOCTOR
It's not really a spaceship. More like an observation deck. The great and the good are gathering to watch the planet burn.

ROSE
What for?

DOCTOR
Fun.

[They enter a large observation gallery]

DOCTOR
Mind you, when I said the great and the good, what I mean is, the rich.

ROSE
But, hold on, they did this once on Newsround Extra - the sun expanding - that takes hundreds of years.

DOCTOR
Millions. But the planet's now property of the National Trust. They've been keeping it preserved. See down there?

[He points out of the huge window]

DOCTOR
Gravity satellite. That's holding back the sun.

ROSE [peering out of the window at Earth]
The planet looks the same as ever. I thought the continents shifted and things.

DOCTOR
They did. And the trust shifted them back. That's a classic Earth. But now the money's run out, nature takes over!

ROSE
How long has it got?

[The Doctor looks at his watch]

DOCTOR
About half an hour. And the planet gets roasted.

ROSE
Is that why we're here? I mean, is that what you do? Jump in at the last minute and save the Earth?

DOCTOR
I'm not saving it. Time's up.

ROSE
But what about the people?

DOCTOR
It's empty! They're all gone. All left.

[Rose looks back to the window, realization spreading across her face]

ROSE
Just me then.

[The Steward hurries towards them]

STEWARD
Who the hell are you?

DOCTOR
Oh! That's nice, thanks.

STEWARD
But how did you get in? This is a maximum hospitality zone. The guests have disembarked! They're on their way any second now!

DOCTOR
That's me, I'm a guest, look! I've got an invitation!

[He flashes small leather wallet at the Steward]

DOCTOR
Look, there you see? It's fine, see? The Doctor plus one. I'm the Doctor, this is Rose Tyler. She's my plus one. That alright?

STEWARD
Well... obviously.

[The Doctor grins at him]

STEWARD
Apologies, et cetera. If you're on-board, we'd better start. Enjoy.

[The Doctor nods at him. After the steward walks off, the Doctor shows Rose the card he had flashed at the steward. It is completely blank]

DOCTOR
The paper's slightly psychic. Shows them whatever I want them to see. Saves a lot of time.

ROSE
He's blue.

DOCTOR
Yeah.

ROSE
Okay...

[The steward is now speaking through a microphone at the other side of the room]

STEWARD
We have in attendance, the Doctor and Rose Tyler. Thank you! All staff to their positions.

[He claps his hands and a lot of little blue people (the staff) start scurrying around]

STEWARD
Hurry now! Thank you, as quick as we can! Come along, come along! And now, might I introduce the next honoured guest, representing the forest of Cheem, we have Trees. Namely, Jabe, Lute and Coffa.

[Jabe, Lute and Coffa walk through the doors]

STEWARD
There will be an exchange of gifts representing peace. If you can keep the room circulating, thank-you. Next, from the solicitors Jolco and Jolco, the Moxx of Balhoon.

[The Doctor smiles cheerily, as Rose looks on bewildered]

STEWARD
And next, from Financial Family Seven, we have the Adherents of the Repeated Meme.

[The Doctor chuckles at the look on Rose's face]

STEWARD
The inventors of hyposlip travel systems, the brothers Hop Pyleen. Thank you!

[Enter new aliens]

STEWARD
Cal 'Spark Plug'.

[Enter new aliens]

STEWARD
Mr. and Mrs. Pakoo. 

[Enter new aliens]

STEWARD
The Ambassadors from the City State of Binding Light.

[Jabe approaches the Doctor. Either side of her, her companions are holding plant trays with little shoots in them]

JABE
The Gift of Peace.

[She takes one of the cuttings and hands it to the Doctor]

JABE
I bring you a cutting of my Grandfather.

DOCTOR
Thank you!

[He gives it to Rose]

DOCTOR
Yes, gifts... erm...

[He clears his throat and starts feeling his jacket for something, finding nothing, he says-]

DOCTOR
I give you in return, air from my lungs.

[He blows gently onto Jabe's face, who closes her eyes briefly]

JABE
How... intimate.

DOCTOR [flirting]
There's more where that came from.

JABE [flirting back]
I bet there is...

[Rose has the sort of look on her face that is to be expected of someone who has just witnessed their companion flirting with a tree]

STEWARD
Sponsor of the main event, please welcome the Face of Bo.

[A huge head in an equally huge jar is wheeled through the doors. The Moxx of Balhoon approaches the Doctor and Rose]

DOCTOR
The Moxx of Balhoon.

MOXX OF BALHOON
My felicitations on this historical happenstance. I give you the gift of bodily salivas.

[He spits accurately into Rose's left eye]

DOCTOR [laughing]
Thank you very much.

[Rose rubs the spit out of her eye. Next, the Adherents of the Repeated Meme approach them]

DOCTOR
Ah! The Adherents of the Repeated Meme. I bring you air from my lungs.

[He breathes heavily over them all]

ADHERENT
A gift of peace in all good faith.

[He holds out a large silver egg, which the Doctor takes, throws up into the air, catches, and hands to Rose]

STEWARD
And last but not least, our very special guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, and Trees and Multiforms. Consider the Earth below. In memory of this dying world, we call forth The Last Human.

[The Doctor looks at Rose to see her reaction. The sliding doors open and what looks like a vertical trampoline made of human skin is wheeled through. It has eyes and a mouth, and wears lipstick]

STEWARD
The Lady Cassandra O’Brien Dot Delta Seventeen.

CASSANDRA
Oh, now, don't stare. I know, I know it's shocking, isn't it? I've had my chin completely taken away and look at the difference! Look how thin I am.

[The Doctor laughs silently but heartily and looks at Rose, who looks shocked]

CASSANDRA
Thin and dainty! I don't look a day over two thousand. Moisturize me, moisturize me.

[One of the two men in white body suits who wheeled her in is holding a canister, which he sprays onto Cassandra]

CASSANDRA
Truly, I am The Last Human.

[Rose creeps closer for a better look]

CASSANDRA
My father was a Texan. My mother was from the Arctic Desert. They were born on the Earth and were the last to be buried in the soil.

[Rose has been walking around to the other side of Cassandra, to get a good view of her from all angels. She is completely flat]

CASSANDRA
I have come to honour them and...

[She sniffs]

CASSANDRA
... say goodbye. Oh, no tears.

[One of her bodyguards wipes her eyes]

CASSANDRA
No tears. I'm sorry. But behold! I bring gifts. From Earth itself - the last remaining ostrich egg.

[One of the staff comes in and displays the egg to the room]

CASSANDRA
Legend says it had a wingspan of 50 feet and blew fire from its nostrils.

[Rose looks mildly confused]

CASSANDRA
Or was that my third husband?

[Rose rolls her eyes but the Doctor laughs]

CASSANDRA
Who knows! Oh don't laugh. I'll get laughter lines!

[She laughs and mumbles to herself for a few seconds. Behind her, what looks like a large jukebox is wheeled into the room]

CASSANDRA
And here, another rarity. According to the archives, this was called an iPod. It stores classical music from humanity's greatest composers.

[Rose looks amazed]

CASSANDRA
Play on!

[One of the staff presses a button and a record falls into place. The 'iPod' starts playing Tainted Love by Soft Cell. The Doctor bops around appreciatively]

STEWARD
Refreshments will now be served. Earth Death in 30 minutes.

[Rose has a lost, bewildered expression on her face. Everywhere she looks there are aliens, but no other humans. She rushes from the gallery. Concerned, the Doctor starts to follow her, but is stopped by Jabe]

JABE
Doctor?

[The Doctor stops and Jabe takes a picture of him]

JABE
Thank you.

[The Doctor proceeds on. Jabe walks in the opposite direction. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme are offering the Steward a silver egg]

ADHERENT
A gift of peace in all good faith.

STEWARD
No, you're very kind, but I'm just the Steward.

[The Adherents of the Repeated Meme holds the egg out more persistently]

ADHERENT
A gift of peace in all good faith.

STEWARD
Oh, yes. Thank you. Of course.

[He takes the egg. Meanwhile, Jabe is trying to get her computer to identify the Doctor's species]

JABE
Identify species. Please identify species.

[The computer makes a small whistling noise]

JABE
Now, stop it. Identify his race. Where's he from?

[A few seconds later, she stares at the computer with disbelief. She speaks in a hushed manner]

JABE
It's impossible.

[In a nearby glass cabinet, a metal robotic spider climbs out of one of the metal eggs that the Adherents of the Repeated Meme had been handing out]

***

[Rose, in another part of the ship, looks out of a window at the raging sun. She jumps when another one of the staff comes into the room, this one female. Her name is Raffalo]

ROSE
Sorry, am I allowed to be in here?

[The employee looks around uneasily]

RAFFALO
You have to give us permission to talk.

[She looks at Rose expectantly. Rose looks unsure]

ROSE
Uh... you... have permission...?

RAFFALO
Thank you! And, no. You're not in the way. Guests are allowed anywhere.

ROSE
'Kay.

[Raffalo goes to a panel in the wall and enters a code. Rose watches her]

ROSE
What's your name?

RAFFALO
Raffalo.

ROSE
Raffalo?

RAFFALO
Yes, Miss. I won't be long, I've just got to carry out some maintenance.

[She kneels before an air vent]

RAFFALO
There's a tiny little glitch in the Face of Bo suite. There must be something blocking the system - he's not getting any hot water.

ROSE
So, you're a plumber?

RAFFALO
That's right, Miss.

ROSE
They still have plumbers?

RAFFALO
I hope so! Else I'm out of a job!

[Rose laughs]

ROSE
Where are you from?

RAFFALO
Crespallion.

ROSE
That's a planet, is it?

RAFFALO
No, Crespallion's part of the Jaggit Brocade, affiliated to the Scarlet Junction, Convex 56. And where are you from, Miss? 

[she seems to remember herself] 

RAFFALO
... If you don't mind me asking.

ROSE
No! Not at all. Erm... I dunno, a long way away... I just sort of, hitched a lift with this man. 

[She is lost in thought] 

ROSE
I didn't even think about it... I don't even know who he is... he's a complete stranger...

[Raffalo looks slightly worried. Rose shakes herself out of the trance]

ROSE
Anyway, don't let me keep you. Good luck with it!

[She begins to walk away]

RAFFALO
Thank you, Miss. And--

[Rose turns around to look at her again]

RAFFALO
Thank you for the permission. Not many people are that considerate.

ROSE [smiling]
'Kay. See you later.

[Roffalo nods and smiles. When Rose has gone, she takes the cover off the air vent]

RAFFALO
Now then.

[She peers into the vent and then speaks into a small microphone attached to her collar]

RAFFALO
Control - I'm at Junction 19 and I think the problem's coming from in here. I'll go inside and have a look.

[She hears a small tapping noise]

RAFFALO
What's that? Is there something in there?

[The metal spider we saw breaking out of the egg earlier appears at the end of the shaft]

RAFFALO
Oh! Who are you, then?

[The spider scurries away as if frightened]

RAFFALO
Hold on! I... if you're an upgrade I just need to register you, that's all. Oh, come back!

[A red beam of light falling on Raffalo's face tells us the spider has come back]

RAFFALO
Ah, there you are. Now, I just need to register your ident. 

[Another spider joins the first]

RAFFALO
Oh, there's two of you! Got yourself a little mate!

[She giggles]

RAFFALO
I think I'd better report this to control. How many of you are there?

[A third spider appears, and then a fourth]

RAFFALO
What are you? Oh, no. No. Nooooo!

[She is dragged head first into the air vent]

***

[In another part of the ship, the steward enters his room, puts his egg on a nearby table and sits down. He listens to Control speaking]

STEWARD
What's that? Well, how should I know?

[He presses a button to activate the loudspeaker]

STEWARD
Would the owner of the blue box in private gallery 15 please report to the steward’s office immediately. Guests are reminded that use of all teleportation devices is strictly forbidden under Peace Treaty 5.4/cup/16. Thank you.

[While he is talking, a spider has broken out of his egg and run up the opposite wall]

***

[We are shown another shot of the burning sun and the satellite over the Earth]

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 25 minutes. Earth Death in 25 minutes.

***

[Rose is in the private gallery where the TARDIS is parked, throwing the egg up in the air and catching it again when she hears this announcement]

ROSE
Oh, thanks.

[She puts the egg down and turns her attention to the cutting of Jabe's grandfather. She picks it up]

ROSE
Hello! My name's Rose. That's a sort of plant. We might be related...

[She suddenly realizes what she is doing and hurriedly puts the plant down]

ROSE
I'm talking to a twig.

[Behind her, the spider breaks out of the egg]

***

[Meanwhile, the TARDIS is being dragged away by some of the staff]

DOCTOR
Oi, now, careful with that. Park it properly. No scratches.

[One of them walks up to the Doctor, squeaks at him, hands him a card and walks away again. The Doctor reads it - it says 'Have a nice day'. The Doctor looks at the retreating staff's back as if he or she is completely off his or her rocker, and walks off. A few of the metal spiders scurry up the wall behind him. A few more are running along the air vent]

***

[The spider that came out of Rose's egg appears to be scanning her hand, but Rose is completely oblivious. It jumps and runs to the air vent when the Doctor's voice floats through the door]

DOCTOR
Rose? Are you in there?

[It scrambles through the vent just in time, before the Doctor comes through the doors]

DOCTOR
ye aye! 

[He sits on the other side of the stairs]

DOCTOR
What do you think, then?

ROSE
Great! Yeah... fine. Once you get past the slightly psychic paper...

[The Doctor laughs. There is a short pause]

ROSE
They're just, so alien.

[The Doctor looks at her]

ROSE
The aliens. Are so alien. You look at 'em... and they're alien.

DOCTOR
Good thing I didn't take you to the Deep South.

ROSE [looking at him]
Where are you from?

DOCTOR
All over the place.

ROSE
They all speak English.

DOCTOR
No - you just hear English. It's a gift of the TARDIS. Telepathic field, gets inside your brain - translates.

ROSE
It's inside my brain?

DOCTOR
Well, in a good way.

ROSE [colder, starting to sound angry]
Your machine gets inside my head. It gets inside and it changes my mind, and you didn't even ask?

DOCTOR [thrown]
I didn't think about it like that.

ROSE [angrily]
No! You were too busy thinking up cheap shots about the Deep South! Who are you then, Doctor? What are you called? What sort of alien are you?

[The Doctor sits up and looks away from her]

DOCTOR
I'm just The Doctor.

ROSE
From what planet?

DOCTOR
Well, it's not as if you'll know where it is!

ROSE
Where are you from?!

DOCTOR
What does it matter?

ROSE
Tell me who you are!

DOCTOR [suddenly angry]
This is who I am, right here, right now, alright? All that counts is here and now, and this is me!

ROSE
Yeah, and I'm here too because you brought me here, so just tell me!

[The Doctor gets up and walks down the steps away from her]

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 20 minutes. Earth Death in 20 minutes.

[After a few moments, Rose gets up and follows the Doctor down the steps]

ROSE
Alright... as my mate Shareen says... don't argue with the designated driver...

[The Doctor, with his back turned to her, smiles at that. Rose gets her mobile out of her pocket]

ROSE
Can't exactly call for a taxi... there's no signal. We're out of range. Just a bit!

DOCTOR
Tell you what...

[He takes the phone from her]

DOCTOR
With a little bit of jiggery pokery...

[He takes the back off the phone]

ROSE
Is that a technical term, 'jiggery pokery'?

DOCTOR
Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you?

ROSE
Nah, failed hullabaloo.

DOCTOR
Oooh.

[He fits a new battery into the phone and hands it back to Rose]

DOCTOR
There you go.

[Rose takes it and looks at him uncertainly. He nods. Rose gets her mum's number onto the screen and puts the phone to her ear. It rings. We find ourselves in the Jackie's kitchen, 2005]

JACKIE
Hello?

ROSE
Mum?

[Jackie, at home, is putting some washing into the machine]

JACKIE
Oh, what is it? What's wrong? What have I done now? Oh, this red top's falling to bits! You should get your money back. Go on! There must be something, you never phone in the middle of the day!

[Rose laughs]

JACKIE
What's so funny?

ROSE
Nothing! You alright, though?

JACKIE
Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?

ROSE
What day is it?

JACKIE
Wednesday. All day. You got a hangover? Oh, I tell you what, put a quid in that lottery syndicate, I'll pay you back later.

ROSE
Yeah, um, I was just calling 'cause I might be late home.

JACKIE
Is there something wrong?

ROSE
No! I'm fine! Top of the world!

[The Doctor laughs. Jackie puts the phone down. Rose lowers the phone, stunned]

DOCTOR
Think that's amazing, you want to see the bill.

ROSE
That was 5 billion years ago. So... she's dead now. Five billion years later, my mum's dead.

DOCTOR
Bundle of laughs, you are.

[The ship shudders]

DOCTOR [looking pleased/curious]
That's not supposed to happen...

***

[The steward is in his office]

STEWARD
Well, what was it? I'm just getting green lights at this end.

[He turns on the loudspeaker again]

STEWARD
Honoured guests may be reassured that gravity pockets may cause slight turbulence, thanking you.

[As soon as it is switched off again, he speaks angrily to control again]

STEWARD
The whole place shook! I felt it! I've hosted all sorts of events on platforms 1, 3, 6 and 15 and I've never felt the slightest tremor. I warn you, if this lot decide to sue... I'm going to scan the infrastructure.

[He presses a few buttons]

STEWARD
What's that?

[A spider scurries down the wall behind him]

STEWARD
Control, I don't want to worry you, but I'm picking up readings...

[The computer beeps]

STEWARD
I have no idea! Well, they're small, and the scan says they're metal...

[The computer beeps again. The Steward sounds frustrated when he answers]

STEWARD
I don't know what they look like!

[Suddenly, he spots the spider, which is now pottering around on his desk next to his mug]

STEWARD
Although, I imagine they might look rather like that... you're not on the guest list... how did you get on board...?

[The spider looks at him almost mockingly and presses a yellow button on the control panel. The computerized woman's voice booms out again]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter deactivated.

STEWARD
No. No!

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter descending.

[The sunfilter does indeed, descend]

STEWARD [frantic]
No! Sunfilter, up! No, no, no!

[He fumbles frantically with the buttons on the control panels, but too late]

STEWARD
Sunfilter up! Sunfilter up!

[Blinding light engulfs the steward]

STEWARD
Sunfilter descending.

[The Steward screams. Outside the room, the spider escapes through an air vent]

***

[The guests are completely oblivious to the commotion, and are standing in the hall chatting to each other. The Moxx of Balhoon is talking to the Face of Bo]

MOXX OF BALHOON
 ... this is the Bad Wolf scenario...

[The Doctor and Rose enter]

DOCTOR
That wasn't a gravity pocket. I know gravity pockets and they don't feel like that.

[He is fiddling with a control panel next to the door. Jabe approaches them]

DOCTOR
What do you think, Jabe? Listened to the engines - they pitched up about 30 hertz, is that dodgy or what?

JABE
It's the sound of metal, it doesn't make any sense to me.

DOCTOR
Where's the engine room?

JABE
I don't know... but the maintenance duct is just behind our guest's suite, I could show you. And... 

[she gestures to Rose] 

JABE
... your wife.

DOCTOR
She's not my wife.

JABE
Partner?

DOCTOR
No.

JABE
Concubine?

DOCTOR
Nope.

[Jabe looks at Rose]

JABE
Prostitute...

ROSE [insulted]
Whatever I am, it must be invisible, do you mind? Tell you what, you two go and pollinate, I'm going to catch up with family. Quick word with Michael Jackson.

[She makes her way over to Cassandra]

DOCTOR
Don't start a fight.

[He offers his arm to Jabe]

DOCTOR
I'm all yours.

[Rose looks after them]

ROSE
And I want you home by midnight!

[The Doctor grins back at her]

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 15 minutes. Earth Death in 15 minutes.

***

[Before the Doctor and Jabe enter the maintenance duct, several spiders scurry out of view]

DOCTOR
Who's in charge of platform 1? Is there a captain or what?

JABE
There's just the steward and the staff. All the rest is controlled by the metal man.

DOCTOR
You mean the computer? But who controls that?

JABE
The Corporation. They move platform 1 from one artistic event to another.

[The Doctor is silent for a moment]

DOCTOR
But there's no one from the corporation on board.

JABE
They're not needed. This facility is purely automatic. It's the height of the alpha class. Nothing can go wrong.

DOCTOR
Unsinkable?

JABE
If you like. The nautical metaphor is appropriate.

DOCTOR
You're telling me. I was on board another ship once. They said that was unsinkable... I ended up clinging to an iceberg, it wasn't half cold.

[He stops walking]

DOCTOR
So, what you're saying is, if we get in trouble there's no one to help us out?

JABE
I'm afraid not.

DOCTOR [grinning]
Fantastic.

[He starts walking again]

JABE
I don't understand. In what way is that fantastic?

[Behind them, a spider creeps out of its hiding place]

***

[Rose is talking to Cassandra. They are looking out of a window at the sun and down at the Earth]

CASSANDRA
Soon, the sun will blossom into a red giant, and my home will die. That's where I used to live, when I was a little boy. Down there. Mummy and Daddy had a little house built into the side of the Los Angeles Crevice. 

[She sighs] 

CASSANDRA
I had such fun.

ROSE
What happened to everyone else? The Human Race - where did it go?

CASSANDRA
They say Mankind has touched every star in the sky.

ROSE
So, you're not the last human.

CASSANDRA
I am the last pure human. The others... mingled.

[Cassandra looks disgusted]

CASSANDRA
Oh, they call themselves 'New Humans' and 'Proto-humans' and 'Digi-humans' even 'Human-ish' but you know what I call them?

[She lowers her voice to a whisper]

CASSANDRA
Mongrels.

ROSE
Right. And you stayed behind.

CASSANDRA
I kept myself pure.

ROSE
How many operations have you had?

CASSANDRA
708. Next week, it's 709, I'm having my blood bleached. Is that why you wanted a word? You could be flatter, Rose. You've got a little bit of a chin poking out.

ROSE
I'd rather die.

CASSANDRA
Honestly, it doesn't hurt--

ROSE
No, I mean it. I'd rather die. It's better to die than live like you - a bitchy trampoline.

CASSANDRA
Oh well. What do you know.

ROSE
I was born on that planet. And so was my mum, and so was my dad and that makes me officially the last human being in this room, 'cause you're not human. You've had it all nipped and tucked and flattened till there's nothing left. Anything human got chucked in the bin. You're just skin, Cassandra. Lipstick and skin. Nice talking.

[She walks off. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme watch her leave through the sliding doors]

***

[The Doctor and Jabe are still walking through the maintenance duct]

DOCTOR
So, tell me, Jabe. What's a tree like you doing in a place like this?

JABE
Respect for the Earth.

DOCTOR
Oh, come on. Everyone on this platform's worth zillions.

JABE
Well... perhaps it's a case of having to be seen at the right occasions.

DOCTOR
In case your share prices drop? I know you lot. You've got massive forests everywhere, roots everywhere, and there's always money in land.

JABE
All the same. You respect the Earth as family. So many species evolved from that planet. Mankind is only one. I'm another. My ancestors were transplanted from the planet down below. And I'm a direct descendant of the tropical rainforest.

[The Doctor looks impressed. He then points to a control panel]

DOCTOR
Excuse me.

[He gets out his sonic screwdriver and starts poking the screen with it]

JABE
And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two... perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left...

[The Doctor doesn't answer her]

JABE
I scanned you earlier. The metal machine had trouble identifying your species - refused to admit your existence.

[The Doctor pretends to be concentrating on the scan, but a flicker of emotion passes across his face]

JABE
And even when it named you, I wouldn't believe it. But it was right.

[The Doctor stops scanning. Deep sadness is reflected in his eyes. Jabe's tone is hushed, awed]

JABE
I know where you're from. Forgive me for intruding, but it's remarkable that you even exist. I just want to say how sorry I am.

[Jabe puts a comforting hand on his arm. The Doctor's eyes are filled with tears. He places his hand over hers, and a tear falls down his cheek. He quickly finishes the scan and he and Jabe go through a door to find themselves in the engine room. There are huge fans circulating in there. The Doctor looks down at Jabe]

DOCTOR
Is it me, or is it a bit nippy?

***

[Rose walks alone down a corridor. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme are coming from the other end. She smiles at them, but the front one strikes her to the ground where she lies unconscious as they drag her from view]

***

[The Doctor and Jabe are still in the engine room]

DOCTOR Fair do's, though, that's a great bit of air conditioning. Sort of, nice and old fashioned. Bet they call it 'retro'.

[He scans another control panel with his sonic screwdriver]

DOCTOR
Gotcha.

[The panel falls off and a spider scuttles out and scurries across the floor and up the wall. The Doctor and Jabe watch it]

DOCTOR
What the hell's that?

JABE
Is it part of the 'retro'?

DOCTOR
I don't think so. Hold on.

[He points the screwdriver at the spider. However, Jabe fires something up at the spider, disabling it. It comes falling into the Doctor's hand]

DOCTOR
Hey! Nice liana!

JABE
Thank you! We're not supposed to show them in public.

DOCTOR
Don't worry, I won't tell anybody.

[He turns his attention to the spider]

DOCTOR
Now then. Who's been bringing the pets on board?

JABE
What does it do?

DOCTOR
Sabotage.

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 10 minutes.

DOCTOR
And the temperature's about to rocket. Come on.

[They hurry from the room]

***

[In the observation gallery, the aliens are still milling about]

CASSANDRA
The planet's end. Come gather! Come gather! Bid farewell to the cradle of civilization. Let us mourn her with a traditional ballad.

[Britney Spears' Toxic suddenly blasts out of the enormous iPod]

***

[The Doctor and Jabe hurry along the corridors. One corridor is filled with smoke and the staff are coughing squeaky little coughs]

DOCTOR
Come on! Get back!

[He moves his sonic screwdriver over another control panel]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising.

JABE [concerned] 
Was the Steward in there?!

DOCTOR
You can smell him. Hold on - there's another sun filter program to descend.

***

[Toxic plays loudly as Rose wakes up, rubbing her head]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending.

[Rose sits up in alarm as the Sunfilter descends. She runs to the door and knocks on it frantically]

ROSE
Let me out!

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter descending.

[The Doctor runs along a corridor]

ROSE
Let me out! Let me out!

[The Doctor arrives outside the door to attempt to make the Sunfilter rise again]

DOCTOR
Anyone in there?

ROSE [frantically]
Let me out!

DOCTOR
Oh, well, it would be you.

ROSE
Open the door!

DOCTOR
Hold on! Give us two ticks!

[The whole room is smoking]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending.

[The display on the control panel says 'Sunfilter Rising'. The Doctor looks up expectantly]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising.

[The Doctor looks pleased with himself. Rose sighs with relief]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter rising... Sunfilter descending.

DOCTOR
This is just what we need. The computer's getting clever.

ROSE
Will you stop mucking about!

DOCTOR
I'm not mucking about, it's fighting back!

ROSE
Open the door!

DOCTOR
Hang on!

[Rose runs down the stairs and flattens herself to the floor]

ROSE
The locks melted!

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending.

[The Doctor jabs his sonic screwdriver right inside the wires]

LOUDSPEAKER
Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising.

[Panting, Rose runs back to the door. The Doctor cannot open it]

DOCTOR
The whole thing's jammed. I can't open the doors. Stay there! Don't move!

ROSE [terrified sort of sarcasm]
Where're am I gonna go?! Ipswich?!

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 5 minutes.

***

[In the observation gallery, Jabe is looking at her metal machine]

JABE
The metal machine confirms. The spider devices have infiltrated the whole of platform one.

CASSANDRA
How's that possible? Our private rooms are protected by a code wall. Moisturize me, moisturize me.

[The Doctor takes the destabilized spider out of Jabe's hand]

MOXX OF BALHOON
Summon the Steward!

JABE
I'm afraid the Steward is dead.

[There is a general gasp of shock]

MOXX OF BALHOON
Who killed him?

CASSANDRA
This whole event was sponsored by the Face of Bo! He invited us!

[The Face of Bo shakes his head]

CASSANDRA
Talk to the face! Talk to the face!

DOCTOR
Easy way of finding out. Someone bought a little pet on board.

[He shows them the spider]

DOCTOR
Let's send him back to Master.

[He places the spider down on the floor. The spider scuttles along to Cassandra and looks up at her. Cassandra looks shifty for a moment, but the spider moves on to the feet of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme]

CASSANDRA
The Adherents of the Repeated Meme. J'accuse!

DOCTOR
That's all very well, and really kind of obvious, but if you stop and think about it...

[The Adherents of the Repeated Meme tries to strike him, but he catches it's arm and rips it off]

DOCTOR
A Repeated Meme is just an idea. And that's all they are. An idea.

[He rips a wire out of the arm and all of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme crumple into a bundle of black cloaks. Everyone gasps. Cassandra rolls her eyes]

DOCTOR
Remote controlled Droids. Nice little cover for the real troublemaker. Go on, Jimbo!

[He nudges the spider with his foot]

DOCTOR
Go home!

[The spider ambles back over to Cassandra]

CASSANDRA
I bet you were the school swot and never got kissed.

[The Doctor raises his eyebrows]

CASSANDRA
At arms!

[The two bodyguards with canisters on either side of her raise their canisters]

DOCTOR [mockingly]
What are you going to do, moisturize me?

CASSANDRA
With acid. Oh, too late anyway. My spiders have control of the mainframe. Oh, you all carried them as gifts, tax free, past every code wall. I'm not just as pretty face.

DOCTOR
Sabotaging a ship while you're still inside it? How stupid's that?

CASSANDRA
I'd hoped to manufacture a hostage situation with myself as one of the victims. The compensation would have been enormous.

DOCTOR
Five billion years and it still comes down to money.

CASSANDRA
Do you think it's cheap, looking like this? Flatness costs a fortune. I am The Last Human, Doctor. Me. Not that freaky little kid of yours.

MOXX OF BALHOON
Arrest her!

CASSANDRA
Oh, shut it, pixie. I've still got my final option.

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 3 minutes.

CASSANDRA
And here it comes. You're just as useful dead, all of you. I have shares in your rival companies and they'll triple in price as soon as you're dead. My spiders are primed and ready to destroy the safety systems. How did that old Earth song go? "Burn, baby, burn."

JABE
Then you'll burn with us.

CASSANDRA
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know the use of teleportation is strictly forbidden, but... I'm such a naughty thing. Spiders - activate.

[There are a series of explosions around the ship]

CASSANDRA
Force fields gone with the planet about to explode. At least it'll be quick. Just like my fifth husband. 

[She giggles] 

CASSANDRA
Oh, shame on me. Buh-bye, darlings! Buh-bye, my darlings...

[She and her bodyguards teleport out]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels rising.

MOXX OF BALHOON
Reset the computer!

JABE
Only the Steward would know how.

DOCTOR
No. We can do it by hand. There must be a system restore switch. Jabe, come on.

[They leave the room. He calls back the crowd over his shoulder]

DOCTOR
You lot - just chill!

***

[Another shot of the ship]

LOUDSPEAKER
Earth Death in 2 minutes. Earth Death in 2 minutes.

[Jabe and the Doctor are running back through the maintenance duct again]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - critical. Heat levels - critical.

[The Doctor and Jabe reach the engine room again]

DOCTOR
Oh. And guess where the switch is.

[The switch is located at the other side of the enormous fans]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - rising. Heat levels - rising.

[The Doctor pulls a lever down and the fans slow down]

LOUDSPEAKER
External temperature - 5 thousand degrees.

[As soon as the Doctor lets go of the lever, the fans start to speed up again. As the Doctor looks hopelessly at the fans, Jabe pulls the lever down again and holds it there]

DOCTOR
You can't. The heat's going to vent through this place.

JABE
I know.

DOCTOR
Jabe, you're made of wood.

JABE
Then stop wasting time. Time Lord.

[He smiles at her and runs back to the fans]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - rising. Heat levels - rising.

***

[In the observation gallery, the glass starts cracking]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - hazardous.

MOXX OF BALHOON
We're going to die!

***

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - hazardous.

[The Doctor dodges the first fan and runs underneath it. He looks anxiously up at the next one]

***

[In Rose's observation gallery, the glass also starts cracking. She cowers against the wall]

LOUDSPEAKER
Shields malfunctioning. Shields malfunctioning.

[Rays of sun blast in through the cracks, burning holes in the parts of the metal wall they hit. Rose screams]

***

[The Doctor is still standing before the second fan. He looks back at Jabe who is sweating and breathing heavily]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - critical. Heat levels - critical.

[The Doctor dodges under the second fan. The glass cracks even more in the observation gallery, engulfing the Moxx of Balhoon in light. He shouts out. The sunrays hit the wall either side of Rose]

LOUDSPEAKER
Heat levels - rising. Heat levels - rising.

[As the Doctor stands before the third fan. Jabe starts shaking violently. Suddenly, she gasps as one of her hands catches fire. She screams. The Doctor looks back, shocked. Now there is no one to hold the lever down, the fans circulate so fast that they can hardly be seen, in order to cool the ship down. It is impossible for the Doctor to get through. The walls around Rose are rapidly burning]

LOUDSPEAKER
Planet explodes in 10... 9...

[The Doctor closes his eyes. All grows quiet]

LOUDSPEAKER
8... 7... 6... 5... 4...

[The Doctor, still with his eyes closed, steps calmly though the fan. When at the other side, he opens his eyes and dashes to the switch, pulling it down]

DOCTOR
Raise shields!

[Rose has her eyes closed and is shaking]

LOUDSPEAKER
...1

[The force fields around the ships are reset just as the planet is engulfed in fire. It explodes, leaving the ship completely unharmed]

LOUDSPEAKER
Exoglass repair. Exoglass repair.

[The glass is automatically repaired. Rose opens her eyes, panting heavily]

***

[The Doctor walks back through the fans. He pauses for a moment to look sadly at the charred and smoking remains of Jabe]

***

[Rose walks back into the observation gallery, where all the aliens are sitting around, wounded or dead. The Doctor walks briskly in a few moments later. He glances at Rose but does not pause to talk to her. Instead he goes straight to Jabe's companions, mutters a few words to them and then places his hands on their shoulders, leaving them to grieve. He then walks back near Rose]

ROSE
You alright?

DOCTOR
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm full of ideas, I'm bristling with them. Idea number one - teleportation through five thousand degrees needs some kind of feed. Idea number two - this feed must be hidden nearby.

[He strides over to the ostrich egg, breaks it open and the teleportation feed falls out. He picks it up]

DOCTOR
Idea number three - if you're as clever as me, then a teleportation feed can be reversed.

[He twists the feed. Cassandra appears before them, apparently in the middle of gloating]

CASSANDRA
Ah, you should have seen their little alien faces.

[She notices her new surroundings]

CASSANDRA
Oh.

DOCTOR
The Last Human.

CASSANDRA [flustered]
So. You passed my little test. Bravo. This makes you eligible to join the er... the human club.

DOCTOR
People have died, Cassandra. You murdered them.

CASSANDRA
That depends on your definition of 'people'. And that's enough of a technicality to keep your lawyers dizzy for centuries. Take me to court then, Doctor! And watch me smile, and cry, and flutter...

DOCTOR
And creak?

CASSANDRA
And what?

DOCTOR
Creak! You're creaking.

[Cassandra's skin is tightening. Her eyes are becoming bloodshot and she is getting whiter and whiter]

CASSANDRA [panicking] 
What? Ah! Ah! I'm drying out! Oh, sweet heavens! Moisturize me! Moisturize me! Where are my surgeons? My lovely boys! It's too hot!

[She now has red blotches on her as well]

DOCTOR
You raised the temperature.

CASSANDRA [terrified, pathetic]
Have pity! Moisturize me! Oh, Doctor!

[Rose looks shaken. She goes to the Doctor's side]

ROSE
Help her.

DOCTOR
Everything has its time and everything dies.

[Cassandra is shrivelling up]

CASSANDRA
I'm... too... young!

[She explodes. The Doctor looks completely cold and not remotely fazed. He leaves the room]

***

[Another shot of the ship]

LOUDSPEAKER
Shuttles 4 and 6 departing. This unit now closing down for maintenance.

***

[The observation gallery is now completely empty apart from Rose, who is standing at the window watching the Earth burn with a very vulnerable and sad look on her face, oblivious to the Doctor watching her from the doorway. Rocks fly past the window. She turns around when she hears the Doctors footsteps as he comes to stand beside her]

ROSE [tearful]
The end of the Earth. It's gone. And we were too busy saving ourselves, no one saw it go.

[The Doctor looks down at her]

ROSE
All those years... all that history and no one was even looking. It's just...

[The Doctor holds his hand out to her]

DOCTOR
Come with me.

[Rose takes his hand and they walk away together]

***

[Back in 2005, Rose steps out of the TARDIS. She looks around at the crowds, seeing them in a new light. The Doctor stands beside her]

BIG ISSUE SELLER
Big issue!

DOCTOR
You think it'll last forever. People, and cars and concrete. But it won't. One day, it's all gone. Even the sky.

[They both look up at the sky]

DOCTOR
My planet's gone.

[Rose turns to look at him. This is the first time he's mentioned his home]

DOCTOR
It's dead. It burned like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust. Before it's time.

ROSE
What happened?

DOCTOR
There was a war. And we lost.

ROSE
A war with who?

[He doesn't answer, seemingly lost in thought]

ROSE
What about your people?

DOCTOR
I'm a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords. They're all gone. I'm the only survivor. I'm left travelling on my own because there's no one else.

ROSE
There's me...

[She smiles at him]

DOCTOR
You've seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home?

[Rose looks at him for a few seconds]

ROSE
I don't know. I want...

[She sniffs the air]

ROSE
Oh! Can you smell chips?

[The Doctor laughs]

DOCTOR
Yeah. Yeah!

ROSE
I want chips.

DOCTOR [smiling]
Me too.

ROSE
Right then, before you get me back in that box, chips it is, and you can pay.

DOCTOR
No money.

ROSE
What sort of date are you? Come on then, tightwad, chips are on me.

[He smiles at her]

ROSE
We've only got five billion years before the shops close...

[They walk down the street together laughing, Rose nuzzling her head against his shoulder]

***

CLOSING CREDITS