Doctor Who (2005) Transcripts

[He sprints up to the TARDIS and throws himself at it, but just ends up hitting the heavily graffitied corrugated iron behind it and falls backwards from the impact. He gets up again and brushes himself down, casting furtive looks around him to make sure no one saw him. He then walks off with as much dignity as he can muster]

***

[Inside the TARDIS, the console starts to smoke. Looking slightly put-out, the Doctor hits it a couple of times with a hammer. Amazingly, this helps, and the Doctor kisses the hammer and gazes up at the console with a childish beam on his face]

***

[10 Downing Street is heavily guarded on the outside. Inside, Harriet Jones places a cup of coffee on Indra's desk. He looks up at her]

HARRIET
I bet no one's bought you a coffee. 

[She laughs slightly]

INDRA
Thank you. 

HARRIET
Pleasure. 

[He picks the cup up. She doesn't leave, but looks down at him expectantly]

INDRA
You still can't go in. 

HARRIET
Damn, you've seen through my cunning plan. 

INDRA
Look, I'm sorry. It's just impossible. 

[He gets up]

HARRIET
Not even for two minutes?

[He shakes his head]

HARRIET
I don't get many chance to walk these corridors. I'm hardly one of the babes - just a faithful back bencher. And I know we've had a brave new world land right on our doorstep, and that's wonderful. I think that's probably wonderful. Nevertheless, ordinary life keeps ticking away. 

[She rifles through her handbag and pulls out a folder]

HARRIET
I need to enter this paper. 

[Joseph Green, Margaret Blaine and Oliver Charles emerge from the cabinet room]

HARRIET
Oh! Mr. Green, sir, I know you're busy, but could you put this on the next cabinet agenda?

JOSEPH
What is it?

HARRIET
Cottage hospitals--

[Joseph looks at Indra in alarm who gives an apologetic and resigned wave of his hand]

HARRIET
I've worked out a system whereby cottage hospitals do not have to be excluded from centers of excellence. You see, my mother's in the Flydale infirmary. That's my constituency - tiny lisle place, you wouldn't know it - but to give me a chance to--

JOSEPH
By all the saints, get some perspective, woman! I'm busy. 

[All of them, including Indra, file out of the room, each giving her a funny look as they pass. Harriet is left alone holding her papers. She looks to make sure they are really gone, then slips into the cabinet room. She places her papers on the table, on top of the emergency protocols. She then seems to change her mind and picks them up again. She opens the case and puts it inside instead. Satisfied, she is just about to close it again when she spots the folder with "Emergency Protocols - Classified Information" written on the front. She sits on the chair in front of the case and opens the folder. She begins to read the first page with a look of awe on her face]

***

[In the laboratory, the scientist settles herself in front of her desk, picks a pen up and begins to write. She hears a thumping noise in the distance. She pauses for a moment but then decides to ignore it. Then she hears it again. She turns around. The thumping repeats itself over and over again. It seems to be coming from the place where the alien was put. She stares at it warily]

***

[In another part of the building, the Doctor emerges from the TARDIS, which seems to have landed squashed up in a small storeroom. He looks around in slight confusion and then makes his way to the door. He turns on his sonic screwdriver, which makes a loud buzzing noise. He turns it off again hurriedly]

DOCTOR
Shh!

***

[Ru edges towards the door of the alien's cupboard. The thumping has become even more frantic, as though something is running around inside, banging against the walls]

***

[The Doctor finishes unlocking the door, puts his sonic screwdriver away and opens it. He finds himself in a room where about 20 military men are sitting around talking and laughing. They fall silent when he opens the door. There is a pause while they all stare at each other, then they all leap to their feet and point their guns at him. The Doctor grins. Again]

***

[Ru approaches the door. She pulls it open and screams]

***

[Upon hearing the scream, the Doctor stops smiling and runs to the door]

DOCTOR
Defense part delta! Come on, move, move!

[All the military men follow him from the room in the direction of the scream. They run down the corridors. The Doctor spots the scientist cowering on the floor]

RU
It's alive!

[The Doctor turns to the men behind him]

DOCTOR
Spread out. Tell the perimeter it's a lock down. 

[He runs to the scientist's side and holds her hands]

RU
My God - it's still alive.

[The men are still standing there watching them]

DOCTOR
Do it!

[They run off and start searching the building. The Doctor turns back to the woman. Blood is leaking out from under her hairline]

RU
I swear it was dead.

DOCTOR
Coma - shock - hibernation - anything. What does it look like?

[There is a slight sound from behind him. He turns around quickly]

DOCTOR
It's still here.

[He stands up and beckons another soldier into the room. He walks forward quietly, looking for the source of the sound. When he hears another rattling, he drops to his knees and crawls to peer behind the desk. From the other side of the desk, the face of a pig peers back at him, snorting]

DOCTOR
Hello!

[The pig squeals in terror and runs across the room. The soldier readies his gun]

DOCTOR
Don't shoot!

[The pig runs along the corridor. One of the soldiers points his gun at it and shoots before the Doctor can stop him]

DOCTOR
What did you do that for? It was scared!

[The soldier looks from him to the pig in alarm. The Doctor crouches down to look at the pig]

DOCTOR
It was scared.

[He strokes the pig as it dies]

***

[Harriet Jones hears voices approaching the cabinet room]

ASQUITH
I've got the White House phoning me direct because Downing Street won't answer their calls! This is outrageous! We haven't even started the vaccination prota. This is appalling. The nations of the world are watching the United Kingdom!

JOSEPH
Well, it has all been a bit of a shock.

ASQUITH
This is the greatest crisis in modern history and you've done nothing! Your behavior has been shameful, sir. You're supposed to be in charge and we need positive leadership. The capital's ground to a halt. 

[They enter the room. Harriet disappears into a cupboard just in time]

ASQUITH
Furthermore, we can only assume that the Prime Minister's disappearance is the direct result of hostile alien action. And what have you been doing? Nothing.

JOSEPH
Sorry! Sorry. Uh... I thought I was Prime Minister now. 

ASQUITH
Only by default. 

JOSEPH
Ooooh, that's not fair! I've been having such fun. 

[The Captain looks outraged]

ASQUITH
You think this is fun? 

JOSEPH
It's a hoot, this job.

[Joseph, Margaret and Oliver all start to laugh]

MARGARET
Honestly! It's super!

[Oliver farts]

OLIVER
Oh! S'cuse me!

[He farts again]

OLIVER
OoO!

[They burst out laughing again]

ASQUITH
What's going on here? And where's the rest of the cabinet? Why haven't they been air lifted in?

JOSEPH
Cancelled it. They'd only get in the way.

[He farts]

JOSEPH
Oh, there I go. 

[He farts twice more, heartily. Margaret joins in]

MARGARET
Oh, and me! I'm shaking my booty. 

[More hysterical laughter punctuated by farts]

ASQUITH
Sir! Under section 5 of the emergency protocols, it is my duty to relieve you of command. 

[Joseph stops laughing and looks up at the captain darkly]

ASQUITH
And by God, I'll put this country under marshal law if I have to. 

JOSEPH [sarcastically]
 Oh, I'm scared. I mean, that's hair raising. I mean, literally. Look!

[He unzips his forehead. A bright blue light shines from the gap. Bewildered, the captain looks at the other two, who also unzip their foreheads. Where she is watching from a crack through the door, Harriet's eyes widen in shock. There are some disgusting and worrying noises from the cabinet room and Harriet leans back against the wall of the cupboard, horrified]

***

[In the lab, the scientist and the Doctor are standing over the pig's body]

RU
I just assumed that's what alien's look like. But you're saying it's an ordinary pig? From Earth?

DOCTOR
More like a mermaid. Victorian showmen used to draw the crowds by taking the skull of a cat and gluing it to a fish and calling it a mermaid. Now, someone's taken a pig, opened up it's brain, stuck bits on... then they strapped it in that ship and made it dive bomb. It must've been terrified. They've taken this animal and turned it into a joke. 

RU
So it's a fake. A pretend. Like the mermaid. But the technology augmenting its brain... it's like nothing on Earth. It's alien. Aliens are faking aliens. But why would they do that...?

[She turns to face the Doctor, only to find he has vanished]

RU
Doctor? 

[She hurries out of the room after him. She looks up and down a long corridor]

RU
Doctor?

[She turns as she hears the sound of the TARDIS engines. Obviously, she does not know what this sound is]

***

[Rose's sitting room is extremely crowded. Jackie raises her wine glass in a toast]

JACKIE
Here's to the Martians! 

EVERYONE
The Martians! 

[Mickey appears in the doorway. The laughter dies away as he stares at Rose in her armchair. She looks around to see why everyone has gone quiet and sits up quickly when she sees him standing there]

ROSE
I was gonna come and see ya.

[He just stares at her]

WOMAN
Someone owes Mickey an apology. 

ROSE
I'm sorry. 

WOMAN
Not you. 

[She looks at Jackie]

JACKIE
It's not my fault. Be fair. What was I supposed to think? 

[She gives Mickey a look and walks into the kitchen]

***

[Mickey, Rose and Jackie are all in the kitchen]

MICKEY
You disappear - who do they turn to? Your boyfriend. Five times, I was taken in for questioning. Five times. No evidence, of course there couldn't be, could there. And then I get her - your mother. 

[He points at Jackie who rolls her eyes with a look of disgust]

MICKEY
Whispering around the estate - pointing the finger - stuff through my letterbox - and all 'cause of you. 

ROSE
I didn't think I'd be gone so long. 

MICKEY
And I waiting for you, Rose! Twelve months. Waiting for you and the Doctor to come back. 

JACKIE
Hold on, you knew about the Doctor? Why didn't you tell me? 

[Mickey notices someone trying to listen through the window into the kitchen. He slams them shut and shuts the door]

MICKEY
Yeah, yeah. Why not, Rose? Huh? How could I tell her where you went? 

JACKIE
Tell me now. 

MICKEY
I might as well, 'cause you're stuck here. The Doctor's gone. Just now, that box thing just faded away. 

ROSE
What do you mean?

MICKEY
He's left you. Some boyfriend he turned out to be. 

[Rose runs from the kitchen, grabbing a jacket from the back of the door on her way out. Mickey follows her. Jackie stays sitting down, looking frustrated]

***

[Rose and Mickey are standing at the spot where the TARDIS was parked]

ROSE
He wouldn't just go, he promised me. 

MICKEY
Oh, he's dumped you, Rose. Sailed off into space. How does it feel, huh? Now you are left behind with the rest of us Earthlings. Get used to it. 

ROSE
But he would have said. 

[Jackie walks over to them]

JACKIE
What're you two chimps going on about? What's going on? What's this Doctor done now? 

[Mickey chortles]

MICKEY
He's vamoosed! 

ROSE [angrily]
He's not! 'Cause he gave me this!

[She shows him the TARDIS key. Mickey gives a 'so what?' sort of shrug]

ROSE
He's not my boyfriend, Mickey, he's better than that. He's much more important than--

[She breaks off as the TARDIS key starts to glow in time with the sound of the TARDIS engines]

ROSE
I said so. 

[The engines get louder. Rose turns to her mother]

ROSE [urgently]
Mum! Mum, go inside. Mum, don't stand there, just go inside. Just-- mum, go--

[But Jackie is not listening to her. She is staring transfixed over Rose's shoulder, where the TARDIS is appearing out of thin air. The engines grind to a halt. Mickey points to the TARDIS meaningfully]

MICKEY
Uh?

[Jackie stares at it in amazement]

JACKIE
How'd you do that, then?

[Rose looks at her warily]

***

        [Rose enters the TARDIS where the Doctor is looking at the computer screen]

DOCTOR
Alright, so I lied! I went and had a look, but the whole crash landing's a fake - I thought so, it's just too perfect. I mean, 'hitting Big Ben' come on, so I thought let's go and have a look--

ROSE
My mum's here. 

        [The door creaks open and Jackie and Mickey enter. The Doctor looks around]

DOCTOR
Oh, that's just what I need. Don't you dare make this place domestic!

MICKEY
You ruined my life, Doctor. 

        [The Doctor spins smoothly around to face him]

MICKEY
They thought she was dead. I was a murder suspect because of you. 

DOCTOR [To Rose]
See what I mean? Domestic. 

[The Doctor spins back to face the computer screen. Mickey takes a few steps towards him]

MICKEY
I bet you don't even remember my name!

DOCTOR
Rickey. 

MICKEY
It's Mickey. 

DOCTOR
No, it's Rickey.

MICKEY
I think I know my own name.

DOCTOR
You think you know your own name? How stupid are you? 

[Jackie, who has been looking around the TARDIS with a bewildered expression, turns and runs outside again]

ROSE
Mum, don't! 

        [To the Doctor]

ROSE
Don't go anywhere! 

        [To Mickey]

ROSE
Don't start a fight!

        [Jackie runs outside and back to the flats. Rose pursues her out of the doors]

ROSE
Mum, it's not like that! He's not-- I'll be up in a minute, hold on!

[She runs back inside the TARDIS and back to the Doctor's side, where he is looking at his monitor again]

ROSE
That was a real spaceship! 

DOCTOR
Yep!

ROSE
So, it's all a pack of lies? What is it then, are they invading? 

        [Mickey is on tip-toes peering at the screen over their shoulders]

MICKEY
Funny way to invade, putting the world on red alert. 

DOCTOR [mildly impressed]
Good point! So, what're they up to?

        [We are shown the image of the spaceship crash landed in the Thames]

***

REPORTER
As the crisis continues and the government shows remarkable lack of leadership, paranoia sweeps the country.

[Jackie is sitting on the end of her bed, looking frustrated and restless. She sighs and kneads her forehead. 

REPORTER
There have been at least three reports of public assaults on people publicly identified as aliens.

        [Jackie's look of anxiety increases]

REPORTER
And now back to Tom Kitchnenson. 

        [Jackie falls back onto the bed, her hands over her face]

TOM KITCHENSON
Are there more ships to come? 

        [Jackie turns her attention to the television]

TOM KITCHENSON
What is their intention? The authorities are now asking if anyone knows anything. If any previous sighting has been made, then call this number. 

        [Jackie reaches for the telephone]

TOM KITCHENSON
We need your help. 

[Jackie dials the number on the screen. The first two times it is engaged. The third time, she manages to get through]

JACKIE
Yes! I've seen one. I really have - an alien. And she's with him! My daughter, she's with him. And she's not safe. Oh, my God... she's not safe. 

        [Jackie exhales and sits back down on the foot of the bed]

JACKIE
I've seen an alien. And I know his name, he's called 'The Doctor'. 

        [The words 'The Doctor' are typed into a computer]

JACKIE
It's a box. A blue box. 

        ['Blue Box' is typed in]

JACKIE
She called it a 'TARDIS'. 

        ['TARDIS' is typed in. An alarm goes off]

***

[Indra runs into a room, where the computer screen is flashing the words 'RED ALERT - THE DOCTOR']

***

[Inside the TARDIS, Mickey peers curiously down at the Doctor, where he is once again wedged under the console]

MICKEY
So, what're you doing down there? 

DOCTOR [muffled, due to the sonic screwdriver he's holding between his teeth]
Rickey. 

MICKEY
Mickey.

        [The Doctor takes the sonic screwdriver out of his mouth to make himself clearer]

DOCTOR
Rickey. 

        [Mickey rolls his eyes, irked]

DOCTOR
If I was to tell you what I was doing to the controls of my frankly magnificent time ship, would you even begin to understand? 

MICKEY
I suppose not...

DOCTOR
Shut it, then.

[He puts the sonic screwdriver back between his teeth. Mickey gives him the evil eye, and moves back round the console to where Rose is standing]

MICKEY
Some friend you've got. 

ROSE
He's winding you up. 

        [Mickey still looks slightly upset. He does not answer]

ROSE
I am sorry. 

MICKEY
It's okay. 

ROSE [earnestly]
I am, though!

MICKEY
Every day, I looked. On every street corner, wherever I went, looking for a blue box for a whole year. 

ROSE
It's only been a few days for me. I don't know, it's... it's hard to tell inside this thing but I swear it's just a few days since I left you. 

MICKEY
Not enough time to miss me, then?

ROSE [smiles]
I did miss you. 

MICKEY
I missed you.

ROSE
So, erm... in twelve months, have you been seeing anyone else? 

MICKEY
No. 

ROSE
Kay...

MICKEY
Mainly because everyone thinks I murdered you. 

ROSE
Right. 

MICKEY
So... now that you've come back... are you gonna stay?

[He leans forward to kiss her, but the moment is broken by the sound of sparks from beneath the console]

DOCTOR
Got it! Haha!

       [Rose moves to the other side of the console to join him]

DOCTOR
Patched in the radar, looped it back twelve hours so we can follow the flight of the spaceship, here we go... hold on... 

        [He whacks the computer screen]

DOCTOR
Come on! 

        [He shows Rose the illustration on the screen]

DOCTOR
That's the spaceship on it's way to Earth... see? Except... hold on... see, the spaceship did a sling shot round the Earth before it landed. 

ROSE
What does that mean?

DOCTOR
It means it came from Earth in the first place - it went up and came back down. Whoever those aliens are, they haven't just arrived. They've been here for a while. The question is, what have they been doing? 

***

[In the cabinet room, the alien who was previously inside the body of Oliver is now finishing putting on the skin suit of the General Asquith]

ASQUITH
What do you think? How's the compression? I think I've got too much ballast round the middle...

        [He farts]

ASQUITH
Ah, that's better. 

        [From the cupboard, Harriet Jones's eyes widen with shock and confusion]

MARGARET
We've really got to fix the gas exchange. It's getting ridiculous. 

JOSEPH
I don't know, it seems very human to me. Ah, better get rid of his skin...

        [He picks up the discarded skin of Oliver]

ASQUITH
Shame! I quite enjoyed being Oliver. He had a wife, a mistress, and a young farmer. 

[He makes towards the cupboard where Harriet is standing. She retreats further to the back. He opens the door and chucks the skin inside. He looks back at Margaret and Joseph] 

ASQUITH
God, I was busy. 

        [They laugh. He shuts the door again]

JOSEPH
Back to work!

ASQUITH
I have an army to command!

MARGARET
Careful now...

[They leave the room, their voices retreating. Harriet picks up the discarded skin of Oliver, and examines it. Outside the cabinet room, Indra rushes up to Margaret, Asquith and Joseph]

INDRA
General Asquith! Sir - we've had a priority alarm. It's code nine confirmed code nine. 

        [Harriet Jones hurries out of the cupboard]

ASQUITH
Code nine, huh? Which would mean...? 

[Margaret gives a small and apologetic laugh while Joseph shakes his head behind him]

INDRA
Well, in the event of the emergency protocols being activated... we've got software that automatically searches all communications for key words. And one of those words is 'Doctor'. I think we've found him, sir. 

MARGARET
What sort of Doctor? Who is he? 

INDRA
Well, evidently he's some sort of expert in extra-terrestrial affairs, the ultimate expert! And we need him, sir. We need him here right now!

        [Harriet pulls a face behind the door she is eavesdropping behind]

***

        [Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor is switching the television from channel to channel]

MICKEY
How many channels do you get?

DOCTOR
All the basic packages. 

MICKEY
You get sports channels?

DOCTOR
Yes, I get the football. 

        [He looks back at the television]

DOCTOR
Hold on, I know that bloke. 

REPORTER
It is looking likely that the government is bringing in alien specialists - those people who have devoted their lives to studying outer space. 

DOCTOR
UNIT! United Nations Intelligence Task force - good people. 

ROSE
How do you know them?

MICKEY
'Cause he's worked for them. Yeah, don't think I sat on my backside for twelve months, Doctor. I read up on you. You look deep enough on the Internet... and in the history books, and there's his name. Followed by a list of the dead.

DOCTOR
That's nice. Good boy, Rickey. 

ROSE
If you know them, why don't you go and help? 

DOCTOR
They wouldn't recognize me. I've changed a lot since the old days. Besides, the world's on a knife-edge. There's aliens out there and fake aliens. We want to keep this alien out of the mix. I'm going undercover... and eh, better keep the TARDIS out of site. Rickey! You've got a car - you can do some driving. 

        [He goes towards the TARDIS door]

MICKEY
Where to?!

DOCTOR
The roads are clearing. Let's go and have a look at that spaceship. 

[They step out of the TARDIS to the sound of helicopters - they are immediately caught out by a searchlight]

LOUDSPEAKER
Do not move!

[Police cars and soldiers surround them, pointing guns and them and preventing their escape. Mickey makes a run for it. Jackie runs out of the flats and tries to get to Rose but two soldiers restrain her]

JACKIE
No! 

[Mickey is hiding behind some dustbins. The Doctor and Rose are standing in the centre looking slightly confused, in the searchlight]

LOUDSPEAKER
Raise your hands above your head! You are under arrest!

        [The Doctor and Rose obey]

DOCTOR
Take me to your leader!

***

[Rose clambers into the back of a police car next to the Doctor. The door shuts and they drive off]

ROSE
This is a bit posh. If I knew it was gonna be like this - being arrested - I'd have done it years ago. 

DOCTOR
We're not being arrested, we're being escorted! 

ROSE
Where to?

DOCTOR
Where'd you think? Downing Street! 

        [He laughs. Rose joins in]

ROSE
You're kidding.

DOCTOR
I'm not!

ROSE
10 Downing Street? 

DOCTOR
That's the one! 

        [Rose laughs with glee]

ROSE
Oh, my God! I'm going to 10 Downing Street?

        [The Doctor nods, grinning]

ROSE
How come? 

DOCTOR
I hate to say it, but Mickey was right. Over the years I've visited this planet a lot of times, and I've been, uh - noticed. 

ROSE
Now they need you?

DOCTOR
Like it said on the news - they're gathering experts in alien knowledge. And who's the biggest expert of the lot?

        [He grins expectantly at her]

ROSE
Patrick Moore? 

DOCTOR
Apart from him!

ROSE
Ah, don't you just love it...

DOCTOR
I'm telling you, old George - he used to drink me under the table. Who's the Prime Minister now? 

ROSE
How should I know, I missed a year. 

[The car pulls up outside 10 Downing Street. The paparazzi and hundreds of police men are there. The Doctor gets out of the car and waves frantically at them all, grinning manically. Rose smiles nervously and the looks up at 10 Downing Street]

ROSE [under her breath]
Oh my God!

        [She follows the Doctor inside]

***

        [Back at the flat, Jackie is talking to three police officers]

JACKIE
So, she's alright then? She's not in any trouble? 

STRICKLAND
Well, all I can say is, your daughter and her 'companion' might be in a position to help the country. We'll need to know how she made contact with this man - if he is a man. 

        [The rather fat policeman sits down. His belly grumbles loudly]

STRICKLAND
Oh! Right - off you go then. I need to talk to Mrs. Tyler on my own, thank-you. 

        [The other two police officers exit the flat]

***

 [Inside Downing Street, Harriet Jones slips inconspicuously down the stairs. She enters a room where the alien experts are standing around talking, waiting for the meeting to begin. She flashes her ID card at the policeman standing guard at the door]

HARRIET
Harriet Jones - MP - Flydale North. 

        [She mingles amongst the people. Indra enters the room]

INDRA
Ladies and Gentlemen, could we convene? Quick as we can, please. It's this way on the right and can I remind you; ID cards are to be worn at all times. 

        [He approaches the Doctor and gives him an ID card]

INDRA
Here's your ID card. I'm sorry, your companion doesn't have clearance. 

DOCTOR
I don't go anywhere without her. 

        [He loops the ID card around his neck]

INDRA
You're the code nine, not her. 

        [Harriet sidles up to them]

INDRA
I'm sorry, Doctor... it is the Doctor, isn't it? She'll have to stay outside. 

DOCTOR
She's staying with me. 

INDRA
Look, even I don't have clearance to go in there. I can't let her in and that's a fact. 

ROSE [To the Doctor]
It's alright, you go. 

        [Harriet appears at Indra's shoulder]

HARRIET
Excuse me? Are you the Doctor? 

        [Indra looks positively exasperated]

HARRIET
Not now, we're busy - can't you go home? 

DOCTOR [To Rose]
Are you sure? 

ROSE
Yeah, they're the experts, you should hear what they've got to say.

DOCTOR
I s'pose so. Don't get into any trouble. 

        [The Doctor follows the other experts into the room]

HARRIET [to Indra]
I just need a word in private. 

INDRA
You haven't got clearance, now leave it! 

        [He takes Rose's arm]

INDRA
I'm going to have to leave you with security. 

        [He begins to lead her away] 

HARRIET
It's alright. I'll look after her. Let me be of some use. 

        [To Rose]

HARRIET
Walk with me. Just keep walking... 

        [They walk past the guards at the door]

HARRIET
That's right... don't look round! Harriet Jones, MP Flydale North. 

        [She shows Rose her ID card] 

***

[The experts are sitting down in their seats. Joseph and Asquith make their way to the desk at the front. The Doctor enters last and takes a seat at the back of the room, reading the booklet he finds on the chair extremely quickly]

***

        [Harriet is outside in the corridor talking to Rose]

HARRIET [she sounds upset and distressed]
This friend of yours... he's an expert, is that right? He knows about aliens? 

ROSE
Why do you wanna know? 

[Harriet breaks down into tears. Rose takes her arms awkwardly in an attempt to comfort her]

***

ASQUITH
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to have your attention please. As you can see from the summaries in front of you, the ship had one porcine occupant--

DOCTOR
Now, the really interesting bit happened three days ago, see, filed away under every other business. The North Sea - the satellite detected a signal, a little blip of radiation at one hundred fathoms like there was something down there... you were just about to investigate and the next thing you know, this happens - spaceships, pigs - massive diversion - from what?

***

        [Harriet Jones is back in the cabinet room and showing Rose the body suit of Oliver]

HARRIET
They turned the body into a suit! A disguise for the thing inside!

        [Harriet bursts into tears again]

ROSE
It's alright! I believe you. It's... it's alien. They must have some serious technology behind this... if we could find it...

        [She starts rummaging around the room]

ROSE
... we could use it. 

[She opens a cupboard and the Prime Minister's body falls out. Rose and Harriet hurry to exam it]

ROSE
Oh, my God! Is that--?

        [Indra enters]

INDRA
Harriet, for God's sake! This has gone beyond a joke - you cannot just wander--

        [He spots the body on the floor]

INDRA
Oh, my God. That's the Prime Minister! 

***

        [The Doctor is still lecturing the experts, Asquith and Joseph]

DOCTOR
If aliens fake an alien crash and an alien pilot, what do they get? 

        [He pauses, as if a realization is coming to him]

DOCTOR
Us. They get us. It's not a diversion, it's a trap. 

***

MARGARET
Ohhh! 

        [Indra, Rose and Harriet look around to see Margaret enter the cabinet room] 

MARGARET
Has someone been naughty? 

        [They look at each other. Margaret shuts the door behind her]

***

        [Jackie goes into the kitchen. She is still speaking to the officer, Strickland]

JACKIE
It was bigger on the inside. I dunno, what do I know about spaceships? 

STRICKLAND
That's what worries me. You see, this man is classified as 'trouble'. Which means that anyone associated with him is trouble. 

[He looks at Jackie through the kitchen hatch and then retreats back into the sitting room]

STRICKLAND
And that's my job. 

        [He takes off his hat to reveal a zip on his forehead]

STRICKLAND
Eliminating trouble. 

        [He starts to undo the zip, filling the room with a blue light]

***

INDRA
That's impossible. He left this afternoon. The Prime Minister left Downing Street, he was driven away! 

MARGARET
And who told you that? Hmm? 

        [She walks over to Indra, who looks confused and horrified]

MARGARET
Me. 

        [She strokes the hair from her forehead]

***

DOCTOR
This is all about us. 

        [The experts all look intrigued]

DOCTOR
Alien experts - the only people with knowledge how to fight them gathered together in one room. 

        [Joseph farts. The Doctor raises his eyebrows and fixes him with a pointed look]

DOCTOR
Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world? 

JOSEPH
Would you rather silent but deadly?

[Asquith and Joseph snigger. The Doctor stares at them. Asquith takes off his hat and undoes the zip on his forehead while Joseph laughs manically. Asquith pulls the skin suit down and reveals the Slitheen inside. The Doctor stares at him in transfixed shock]

***

[Margaret pulls her skin suit, revealing herself to the disgust and shock of Indra, Harriet and Rose]

***

[Jackie pauses halfway through making the tea. The flickering blue light is filling the whole flat. She tentatively walks to the kitchen door]

***

        [Asquith finishes shrugging off his skin suit. Joseph is still cackling evilly]

***

[Jackie, now framed in the doorway of the kitchen, beholds the Slitheen. Her eyes widen with shock. She takes deep breaths]

***

[Margaret is now entirely out of her skin suit. She stands before Rose, Indra and Harriet who all look astounded]

***

        [Asquith, also out of his skin suit, straightens up and addresses himself to the room]

ASQUITH
We are the Slitheen.

***

[Margaret roars in delight and grabs Indra between her claws, pinning him up against the wall. He shouts as she strangles him]

***

[The Slitheen advances on Jackie in the kitchen. She screams and backs against the counter, sinking against it as the Slitheen raises his claw to strike]

***

JOSEPH
Thank you all for wearing your ID cards.

        [He takes some sort of small weapon from his pocket. He holds it ready]

JOSEPH
They'll help to identify the bodies.

[He presses down the switch. Everyone in the room is bathed in electric light. The Doctor falls to his knees in pain]

***

        [Margaret strangles Indra. Harriet and Rose wince]

***

        [Jackie screams as the Slitheen prepares to strike]

***

[The Doctor shouts in pain as his whole body shakes. Joseph has a savage pleasure in his eyes. Asquith laughs]

***

CLOSING CREDITS