Family Ties Transcripts

SCENE 1


[KITCHEN -- Elyse is at the desk; Steven, Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer 
are at the table]

JENNIFER:	We beat Woodsburrough Elementary in field hockey today.
STEVEN:		That's terrific, Jennifer, how did you do?
ALEX:		Hey, dad, have you been following what's been happening
		in the stock market lately?  They say that a thousand
		is going to be the base for the future.  Can you
		picture it?  A-a market with a Dow base of a thousand?
STEVEN:		I grow light-headed at the very thought.
ALEX:		Look, dad, I've been making a killing on paper
		everyday.  I mean, I-I have a knack for picking what's 
		going to go up and when to get out with a good profit.
STEVEN:		Alex, charting those stocks is just a school project.
JENNIFER:	They're thinking of firing the coach now.
ALEX:		I know it's just a school project, that's what's 
		killing me.  Mr. Matthews, down at the brokerage house,
		he keeps recommending my tips to his clients.
MALLORY:	Can we talk about something else here?  Alex has
		monopolized the conversation all night.
ALEX:		Alright, what do you want to talk about, Mallory?  You
		have some keen insight for us about lipstick?
STEVEN:		Alex, your sister has a point.  Enough with the stock
		market.
ALEX:		Dad, you're missing a golden opportunity here.  It's
		like taking candy from a baby.
JENNIFER:	Brings back memories.
STEVEN:		Elyse, are you finished?
ELYSE:		I'm, I'm sorry, sweetheart.  This project isn't working
		and it's making me crazy.  I think I have the first
		recorded case of architect's block.
MALLORY:	What's the problem, mom?
ELYSE:		Well, I'm-I'm designing a chapel for the university,
		and the problem is that people from many different
		religions are going to use it.
MALLORY:	Why is that a problem?
ELYSE:		Well, I'm-I'm not sure how to allot the space.  I mean,
		if-if I have four separate alter areas then-then half
		the time only a fourth of the people will be facing the
		minister of their choice.
STEVEN:		What about revolving pews?
ELYSE:		I'll work on it some more.



ALEX:		I've been following this one stock here: Sucundo 10.
STEVEN:		Uh huh.
ALEX:		It's going to triple at least, but we have to get in
		on it now.  I told the broker we'd call him at home.
STEVEN:		No way, Alex, you gotta understand that the stock
		market is a-a very complex, unpredictable thing.  My
		own experience with it has been rather, uh..
ELYSE:		We lost a bundle.
ALEX:		It'll be different this time, all you have to do is
		reopen the account, I'll handle it from there.
STEVEN:		All the account consists of are the fifty shares of
		AT&T my father gave us for a wedding present.
ELYSE:		And we're not going to risk that.
ALEX:		The phone company.  Where is the challenge?  Mallory
		alone keeps the phone company in business.
STEVEN:		Alex, Alex, no.



ALEX:		Mom, it's now or never.  Sucundo 10 is going to be the
		next McDonalds.
ELYSE:		I'm with your dad on this.  I'm sorry if you think
		we're being unreasonable.


[Alex takes dishes to the sink when he passes the phone.  He picks up
the phone and dials the number]


ALEX:		Hi, I'd like to speak to Mr. Matthews please.  Hi, Mr.
		Matthews?  This is Steven Keaton.

[Jennifer looks surprised, but Alex does not see her yet]

ALEX:		Yes, Alex Keaton's father.  Yeah, I'd like to reopen my
		account and purchase one hundred shares of Sucundo 10
		at the opening bell.
JENNIFER:	(in horror) Uh.
ALEX:		[seeing Jennifer] Um, pardon me for a moment. [muffles
		the phone]
JENNIFER:	Alex, you're not dad!  That's plagiarism!
ALEX:		Just be quiet for a minute, Jennifer, I can explain all
		this.
JENNIFER:	I don't think I could be quiet, Alex.
ALEX:		Chew on this then.

[Alex puts a dishtowel in Jennifer's mouth]

ALEX:		[on phone] Uh, sorry to keep you waiting, sir.  Just
		some, uh, prowlers at the back door.
JENNIFER:	[muffled by towel] Uh.
ALEX:		Yeah, that's right.  Reopen my account and purchase one
		hundred shares of Sucundo 10.
JENNIFER:	[muffled] Uh.
ALEX:		Just use that AT&T stock as collateral.  Alright, thank
		you.  Good night. [hangs up phone] Jennifer, this isn't
		as bad as it seems.
JENNIFER:	I'll be the judge of that.
ALEX:		What you just witnessed was done for mom and dad's own
		good.  I mean, their anniversary is coming up.  Don't
		you think they'll surprised when I give them a nice,
		big, sentimental check?  I mean, everybody's going to
		come out of this a winner.
JENNIFER:	I know I will.


SCENE 2

[KITCHEN -- Alex is on the phone]


ALEX:		Turn over those five hundred shares of Overdine we
		bought.  Right, and all of the genetic stock.  Put
		everything we have into VIP.  Well, thank you.
		Actually it was the wife's idea.

[Elyse is suddenly interested in the phone call.  Alex sees that Elyse
is in the room]

ALEX:		Uh, that will be it for today.  Bye. [hangs up phone]
		Huh, I suppose you're wondering what that phone call
		was all about.
ELYSE:		Not at all.  How's the little woman?
ALEX:		Um, mom, I was just working on my school project.  See
		I was pretending to buy and sell some stocks,
		pretending to be grown up with a family and a dog to
		lend some authenticity to the project, that's all.
		...Humor me.
ELYSE:		I've been doing that for seventeen years, Alex.
ALEX:		Did you have a nice run?
ELYSE:		Oh, it was okay.  Thought I'd clear my mind but I still
		haven't come up with any ideas for the chapel.
ALEX:		Oh, well, don't let it get to you.
ELYSE:		Well, it's hard not to.  I mean, I know I'm a good
		architect, but suddenly I cannot come up with a simple
		solution to an easy problem.  It shakes my confidence,
		makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing.  You
		ever felt like that?
ALEX:		...No.



JENNIFER:	[out of breath] Mom, we're really gonna have to talk
		about this exercise kick you've been on lately.  It's
		killing me.
ELYSE:		It's good for you.



ELYSE:		Mallory, you're back already.  You made good time.
MALLORY:	Yeah, I sort of took a short cut.
ELYSE:		You mean you didn't go all the way around the park?
JENNIFER:	She didn't go all the way around the house.



STEVEN:		Hey everybody.  Oh, how's the market doing, Alex?
ALEX:		Well, I started with, ah, a hundred shares of Sucundo
		10, I *** five hundred dollars into three thousand
		dollars.  And I opened a margin account and I made
		twenty percent return in three days.  Then I bought
		options on a South American oil well, made more than
		triple value in three weeks, and put everything I have,
		ten thousand, eight hundred dollars, into VIP.  I'm
		heavily margined but it's double the chance for profit.
STEVEN:		That's very nice.  I forgot what I asked you.
ELYSE:		What is VIP?
ALEX:		Video Industries of the Philippines.
MALLORY:	Maybe you should go there and check your investments.
STEVEN:		That's great, Alex.  I have to say I admire your
		spirit.  It's great to see you're so excited about a
		school project.
JENNIFER:	I'm exciting about his project too.
STEVEN:		Well, I've got an early meeting down at the station,
		I'll grab a bite there.
ELYSE:		***, honey.

[They kiss]

MALLORY:	Oh, boy, here they go.
ELYSE:		I'm sorry, Mallory, we'll say goodbye at the car.
STEVEN:		I'm in no hurry.
ELYSE:		You guys make breakfast?



MALLORY:	Now that my workout's over I think I'll go change. ...I
		hope I don't stiffen up.



JENNIFER:	Sounds like we're doing okay, partner.
ALEX:		Jennifer, I've turned five hundred dollars into ten
		thousand dollars, I can't believe how hot I am.
JENNIFER:	How much is my cut so far?
ALEX:		A thousand dollars for your college fund and fifty
		dollars for a new bike.
JENNIFER:	Not bad just for keeping quiet.
ALEX:		And mom and dad will see things differently when I give
		them that check for their anniversary.  I'm gonna take
		them down to the brokerage house tomorrow and surprise
		them.
JENNIFER:	Alex, mom and dad can't be bought off, they're not like
		you and me.
ALEX:		We're talking about thousands of dollars here,
		Jennifer.
JENNIFER:	Of course, a little cash always puts a new perspective
		on life.


SCENE 3

[BROKERAGE HOUSE -- the room is very crowded]


ALEX:		Hi, how are you?  Hi Mr. Matthews.
MATTHEWS:	Oh, hi Alex.  I'll be with you in just a second.  I'm
		having some trouble with the computer here.  It keeps
		jamming.  The circuits must be down.
ALEX:		Oh, have you tried this?

[Alex types a few keys and the computer screen clears up]

ALEX:		See sometimes you have to clear it during this phase or
		it's a real pain.
MATTHEWS:	I knew that.

[Alex watches the stocks on the screen]

ALEX:		Hey, look at this.  Transallow up a point.  Patramco
		up two and a half, that's terrific.
MATTHEWS:	Yeah, it's terrific.

[Matthews pushes Alex away from the screen]

MATTHEWS:	Hey, you're as hot as a crystal, Alex.  You got the
		Midas touch, buddy boy.
ALEX:		Well, I'm glad I talked my dad into investing.
MATTHEWS:	Oh, and that setback with VIP, while regrettable it's
		certainly understandable.  Excuse me.

[Matthews walks away and Alex smiles, then grows very worried]

ALEX:		What setback with VIP?

[He chases after Matthews]

ALEX:		Um, Mr. Matthews, wha-wha-what was that you just said
		about VIP?
MATTHEWS:	Well, there was a typhoon in Manilla last night,
		millions in damages, the stock dropped twenty-eight
		points.  Excuse me Alex.

[Matthews walks away and Alex follows]

ALEX:		Uh, are you sure?
MATTHEWS:	About what?
ALEX:		About the typhoon!  The stocks!  Are you sure?
MATTHEWS:	Of course I'm sure, I'm surprised you didn't know about
		it.
ALEX:		What am I, a weatherman?  I was in school all day, I'm
		a kid!
MATTHEWS:	That's right, I forget sometimes.  Alex, take it easy.
		So it's dropped twenty-eight points.
ALEX:		He bought it at twenty-nine.
MATTHEWS:	All he has to do is meet the margin call at closing
		tomorrow.
ALEX:		H-H-H-H-How-how much is the margin call?
MATTHEWS:	Twenty-seven hundred dollars, that's no big deal.
ALEX:		[Alex's "panicked mule sound"] Huuuh.



MATTHEWS:	Excuse me Alex, I have some customers to take care of.

[Alex jumps over a desk and slams the door on Steven and Elyse]

MATTHEWS:	That's not good for business, Alex.
ALEX:		Look, Mr. Matthews, those, ah, people out there are my
		parents.  My dad doesn't know about the typhoon or the
		margin call.
MATTHEWS:	Look, Alex, the way your dad plays the market, he
		understands that a twenty- seven hundred dollar margin
		call isn't the end of the world.
ALEX:		Yeah, well, ah, let me just tell them in my own way,
		okay?  You don't understand, he takes these things very
		hard.  When he was a boy, a typhoon wiped out his
		village.
MATTHEWS:	Okay, Alex, if he's gonna take the news anywhere close
		to the way you're taking it, maybe you're right.

[Matthews walks away and Alex opens the door.]


ALEX:		You found it.  Come on in.
STEVEN:		Alex, what's going on here?
ALEX:		Ah, here?  This is a brokerage house, they buy, they
		sell.
ELYSE:		Alex, you just slammed the door on us.
ALEX:		Yeah, well, I-I-I didn't want you to come in until
		everything was just right. [turns to a lady at a desk]
		Clean up that desk, will you?
STEVEN:		Why-why did you want us to come down here?  What was
		all this talk about an anniversary present?
ALEX:		Yeah, well, I just thought this would be the best place
		to give it to you.

[He grabs a Rolodex off the desk and hands it to them]

ALEX:		Happy anniversary, mom, dad.  I love you.






SCENE 4

[KITCHEN]


ALEX:		I don't know why you're making such a big deal about
		this.
ELYSE:		Alex, this was not a ordinary afternoon.
STEVEN:		You tell us to meet you at a brokerage house to give us
		an anniversary present.  When we get there you slam the
		door in our faces, give us some guy's Rolodex, and send
		us on our way.  I admit, we're not the busiest people
		in the world, but, um, there are better ways to spend
		a day.
ALEX:		Yeah, well, ah, I'm sorry to have gotten you down there
		under false pretenses, but, ah, I've been trying to,
		ah, get you to invest for a couple of weeks now, and,
		ah, I figured that once you got down there, you know,
		the excitement of the place, the, the roll of the
		tickertape, the smell of the crowd, you'd catch the
		fever.  I mean, obviously it didn't work, I didn't want
		it to be a total loss, so I gave you the Rolodex.
ELYSE:		We don't want to hear anything else about investing,
		okay?  We're not interested.
STEVEN:		And that's final.
ALEX:		Well, ah, you can't blame me for trying.



ALEX:		[in horror] Ohh!



JENNIFER:	Hey, Alex, how did mom and dad like their present?
ALEX:		There was no present, Jennifer.  There was a typhoon in
		Manilla.  Millions in damages, the stock went way down.
		If I don't come up with twenty-seven hundred dollars by
		tomorrow, they're gonna sell mom and dad's stock.
JENNIFER:	Wow.
ALEX:		So much for my life.
JENNIFER:	So much for my bike.
ALEX:		Jennifer, I need help.  I'm desperate.  And please,
		don't say "I told you so."
JENNIFER:	I won't.  I knew it!  I knew it!


[Alex picks up the phone and dials, getting the number off a paper on
the wall]

ALEX:		Hi, Red Cross?  Yeah, um, what would I get if I donated
		a pint of blood?  No, in addition to the lollipop.  Oh.
		How about a gallon?

[Hangs up phone]


JENNIFER:	Alex, I can let you have eighteen dollars and eleven
		cents.
ALEX:		Thanks Jennifer.  Now all I need is another twenty-six
		hundred dollars.
JENNIFER:	You think dad would be suspicious if I asked for a
		twenty-six hundred dollar advance on my allowance?
ALEX:		Jennifer, let's try to be discrete about this.  We're
		trying to keep this from mom and dad., remember?
JENNIFER:	Right.
ALEX:		I mean, this is just between you and me, right?
JENNIFER:	Right.



MALLORY:	So, Alex, what are you gonna do?  Sell your soul to the
		devil or your body to someone who's nearsighted?
ALEX:		Jennifer.
JENNIFER:	Sometimes when you keep a secret all to yourself you
		get a real bad headache.
ALEX:		I'm the one whose got the headache.
MALLORY:	Look, Alex, as painful as it may seem, I think the only
		thing to do here is tell the truth.
ALEX:		To mom and dad?
MALLORY:	What, are you crazy?  I meant to the broker.  Maybe the
		two of you could work something out.


SCENE 5

[BROKERAGE HOUSE]


JENNIFER:	I still don't see why I have to be here, Alex.
ALEX:		For sympathy, Jennifer.  It's hard to say no to someone
		when they're holding hand with their ten-year-old
		sister.
JENNIFER:	Want me to limp?
ALEX:		No, ah, just look cute and, ah, be bubbly.  Hi Mr.
		Matthews!
MATTHEWS:	Hey, Alex, how are ya'?
ALEX:		Fine, ah, Mr. Matthews, this is my little sister
		Jennifer.  Isn't she sweet?
MATTHEWS:	Yeah, I guess so.  I'm not really good with little
		kids.
JENNIFER:	Nice call, Alex.
ALEX:		Ah, Mr. Matthews, let's say, just for fun, that, ah, my
		dad ran a little short of cash.
MATTHEWS:	[laughs]
ALEX:		Let's even go so far as to say that, ah, that he can't
		come up with the money to cover the stock.
MATTHEWS:	[laughs harder]
ALEX:		Now, you know me, we have a relationship, right?
MATTHEWS:	Very good relationship.
ALEX:		Since we have such a good relationship, and you know my
		 dad and I wouldn't let you get stuck, I mean, we, ah,
		ah, we'd come up with that money just as soon as I, as
		we could.  Now, considering our friendship, and all
		that I've done for you...

[Old Woman approaches]

WOMAN:		This isn't very good news, is it?
MATTHEWS:	[deadpans] No, it's not.
WOMAN:		We invested everything we had with you, our life
		savings.
MATTHEWS:	We knew there would be risks going in, we discussed
		that.
WOMAN:		But we're retired people, there's no way that we can
		earn back what we lost.  We'll lose our house, our car.
MATTHEWS:	Sorry. ...Say hi to dad.



MATTHEWS:	Alex, what was it you wanted?


SCENE 6

[LIVING ROOM -- Elyse, Steven, and Mallory are there]

ELYSE:		I did it.  I never thought I'd finish this chapel.
STEVEN:		You gotta have faith, Elyse.

[they look at plans]

ELYSE:		All the different, ah, religions have been satisfied, I
		just have that one little blank space down there.
STEVEN:		That could be the agnostic's lounge.
MALLORY:	Mom, this drawing's so complicated.  Why are there
		three levels?
ELYSE:		Well, conceptually it's similar to the Sitidelle of
		David in Jerusalem.
MALLORY:	That doesn't help me, mom.
ELYSE:		Oh, okay, let me, ah, tell you about this in terms
		you'd understand.  Ah, have you ever seen Hollywood
		Squares?  Okay, so now the basic design of the chapel
		is going to be multi- layered.  Each faith will have
		its own room on one of three levels.  Much like the
		celebrities on Hollywood Squares.  Now, ah, down here
		where Charley Weaver used to sit we'll have the
		Unitarians.  And, ah, over here in Jane Murray's spot
		the Jews.  Right up here in the center: the Catholics.
MALLORY:	Where Rose Murray used to sit!
STEVEN:		This is wonderful, Elyse.  Why do all the rooms have
		these connecting doors?
ELYSE:		In case anyone wants to convert.



STEVEN:		Hey, kids.
ALEX:		Ah, listen, I've, ah, got to talk to you guys.
ELYSE:		I did it, Alex.  I finished the chapel.  All my
		problems are over.
ALEX:		Not so fast, mom.
JENNIFER:	Ah, Mal, why don't we go upstairs, no would be a good
		time to..
MALLORY:	Um, yeah, you don't have to convince me, I'm with you.



STEVEN:		Alex, what's wrong?
ALEX:		Uh, remember that Philippine video stock I was so high
		on?  I'm not so high on it anymore.  A typhoon wiped
		out the company.
STEVEN:		Well, it looks like it wiped you out too.
ALEX:		Yeah, well, that's true, I had all my money on that
		stock.
ELYSE:		Well, it can't affect your grade that much, it was such
		a little stock.  So now you'll get a B+ instead of an
		A.
ALEX:		[Alex's "panicked mule sound"] Huuuh.
STEVEN:		I sense there is more to this story, Elyse.
ALEX:		Yeah, well, there is.  I, ah, I kinda called the
		broker, and I kinda told him that I was...you, and I
		kinda bought some stock with my money.  I was going
		great so I bought some more stock, and some more.  And
		I was heavily margined, there's a margin call, and if I
		 don't have twenty- seven hundred dollars by four
		o'clock, they're gonna sell your AT&T stock.
STEVEN:		[Alex's "panicked mule sound"] Huuuh.  Alex, let me get
		this straight: you lied to us, you went behind our
		backs, you pretended you were me, and you spent money
		that wasn't yours.
ALEX:		You make it sound so bad.
ELYSE:		Alex, I can't even believe you had the nerve to do
		this.
ALEX:		Well, I guess I just got carried away.  You know, the
		buying and the selling and the action and the
		excitement.
STEVEN:		We've heard enough about your thirst for excitement.
		You're a high school student, Alex, not a Flying
		Walenda.
ALEX:		What a jerk I was.  There I was, acting like I had all
		the answers.  Like I was perfect, like I was
		infallible.  Well, I'm not and I know that now.  I
		guess that realization is punishment enough, huh?
STEVEN:		Not even close.
ALEX:		I don't blame you.  I'm sorry, I really am.
ELYSE:		Steven, what are we gonna do?  I mean are we gonna let
		them sell the stock or are we gonna come up with the
		money to cover it?
ALEX:		Well, as someone who knows the market, it's my
		opinion..
STEVEN:		Alex!  We gonna give the broker the money and hold on
		to the stock.
ALEX:		Just what I was going to suggest.
STEVEN:		Elyse, uh, why don't you get a check over the broker,
		I'll go down to the bank and cover it with savings.
ALEX:		You want me to go with you?
ELYSE:		I want you to stay right where you are.  And you might
		as well get real comfortable because you are not moving
		that spot for the next six months.
STEVEN:		And this is just the beginning.  No movies, no dates.
ALEX:		Sounds fair.
STEVEN:		And no TV.
ALEX:		Not even Wall Street Week?
STEVEN:		Especially not Wall Street Week.
ALEX:		Come on, dad!  I didn't kill a guy.
STEVEN:		Alex, I'm out twenty-seven hundred dollars.  I am the
		major investor in an underwater video company in the
		Philippines.  The probably have a picture of me in one
		of their huts with the caption: "Our Founder."  You're
		lucky to be getting off this easy.
ALEX:		Uh, listen, just in case, I mean if the stock does go
		up, we're in this fifty-fifty right?

				THE END