How I Met Your Mother Transcripts
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
2x08: Atlantic City
Original Airdate: 11/6/2006
Written by: Greg Malins
Directed by: Pamela Fryman
Transcribed by Kathy exclusively for TVTDB.com
INT. APARTMENT
(Lily and Marshall sit on couch, Lily is eating pancakes)
Future Ted VO: And so, after six months apart, Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were finally back together.
Lily: Oh my God, these pancakes are delicious.
Marshall: Yes, thank you. Um, I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.
Lily: Wow. Do you wanna cook dinner tonight? Marshall: Yeah, sure. How about pancakes?
Future Ted VO: Things were back to normal, almost.
(Marshall gets up and walks over to kitchen, Lily continues eating her pancakes)
Lily: You may not have much range but at least I'm marrying a guy who knows how to make pancakes.
(Marshall and Lily look at each other uncomfortably)
Marshall: Um...
Lily: I mean, uh, um, well, I, I realize that, that we haven't discussed whether us getting back together means us getting married but I still wanna. Do you still wanna? Marshall: Really?
INT. KITCHEN
(Marshall turns and walks further into kitchen, Lily follows)
Lily: Of course, I love you.
Marshall: No, I mean, that's how you're gonna do it? "Do you still wanna?" That's like the lamest proposal ever. When I did it, I got down on my knees, I don't know, I'm just saying.
(Lily gets down on her knee)
Lily: Marshall Eriksen, will you marry ...
Marshall: No, no no no no no Lilly: What?
Marshall: You can't lead with that. You gotta build up to that, gotta have like a little speech.
Lily: Do you remember your proposal to me?
(Lily puts her hand over her left eye)
Marshall: I had a speech prepared.
Lily: What do you wanna hear?
Marshall: I don't know, I mean, you could tell me about how good-looking and funny and smart I am. I've been working out lately, it might be nice for you to mention something about that.
Lily: Marshall, you are good-looking...
Marshall: Thank you.
Lily: ... funny,
Marshall: Oh thanks.
Lily: .... smart.
Marshall: A few tears wouldn't hurt.
Lily: OK, would you freakin' marry me already?!
(Marshall hugs Lily)
Marshall: Of course, but, um, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out.
Lily: Yeah, right.
(Marshall and Lily kiss)
OPENING CREDITS
INT. KITCHEN
(Marshall and Lily sit up from lying down on the kitchen floor at the same time)
Marshall: I'll give you this, that was a very creative use of syrup.
Lily: I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye.
(Lily turns Mrs. Butterworth away) Lily: Oh my God, we're getting married.
Marshall: I know, I know.
(Marshall and Lily hug)
Future Ted VO: It was a moment of happiness, followed, of course, by a moment of total panic. You see, when they called off their first wedding,
(flashback of Lily walking out front door of apartment with her suitcase)
Future Ted VO: Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task of telling his entire family.
(flashback of Marshall sitting on couch talking on phone with lots of Kleenex around him)
Marshall: Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. What do you call someone who just takes off and leaves like that? What do you call that?
(Marshall looks at phone)
Marshall: I think that's a little strong. I can't believe you would use a word like that. Geez, Grandma.
(back to present scene)
INT. APARTMENT
(Lily sitting at table, Marshall standing behind her)
Lily: I really made a big mess of canceling by this wedding, didn't I?
(Marshall pats back of Lily's head)
Marshall: That's okay, baby. You're not just realizing that now, are you?
Lily: God, the idea of standing up there in front of all those people who hate my guts, just makes me wanna run off to Atlantic City and get married today.
Marshall: Yeah.
(Lily and Marshall look at each other)
INT. NEWS STUDIO
(Robin standing in front of blue screen doing the news)
Robin: Coming up at eleven, are there piranhas in the East River? What you don't know could eat you.
(Marshall and Lily run in)
Marshall: Robin! Stop the news!
Producer: What the hell?
Robin: It's okay, they're my friends.
Lily: We're going to Atlantic City to elope, you gotta come with us.
Robin: Oh my God, that is so fantastic. Oh, I don't know if I can just leave work.
Producer: It's OK, Mike can read the news tonight. Hey, Mike, you can read, right?
Mike: Yeah, I'm the best at reading.
Robin: Let's go to Atlantic city.
Marshall, Lily: Yeah!
(Lily, Marshall and Robin run out)
INT. TED'S WORKPLACE
(Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin stand around talking)
Ted: You guys are eloping. Ah, that's fantastic. Wait, is this because there's a time crunch Uncle Ted should know about?
Lily: I hope not because I plan on getting hammered.
(Lily and Marshall high-five)
Ted: Guys, this sounds like so much fun, but I can't really take off work. I'm kind of important around here, you know. I'm the project manager.
Lily: Ted, for the rest of our lives, we are gonna be telling the amazing story of how we went to Atlantic City and got married. Don't you wanna be in that story?
Ted: Of course I do. Let's go to Atlantic City! Oh, but when we tell the story, can you leave out the part where I hesitate?
Marshall: You got it.
(Robin, Marshall, Lily and Ted leave Ted's workplace)
INT. NAIL SALON
(Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin run in to find Barney getting a pedicure)
Barney: Hello, hey guys.
Ted: Wow, a pedicure.
Barney: Uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure, I don't think there would have been a feature about it in Details magazine.
Lily: We're going to Atlantic City to elope right now!
Barney: Ah, congratulations, Lily. Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell!
Marshall: So, are you in or not? Barney: Hell, yeah, I'm in, just I'm almost done.
Marshall: No, we gotta get going to the...
Lily: Actually, it is my wedding day and since we're here...
(Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin all sitting down getting pedicures)
Future Ted VO: So we all got a pedicure and then headed down to Atlantic City.
EXT. ATLANTIC CITY
INT. CASINO
(Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin run in)
Marshall: Whoa.
Lily: Wow. Look at this place. I guess I'll have my pick of something old.
Marshall: And something blue. Somebody should really check on this lady.
Barney: I see, always in decline, never hitting bottom. It's good to be back, old friend.
Ted: Been here before?
Barney: Once or twice.
Chinese guy: Barney! (speaks in Chinese)
Barney: Good to see you too. Three times maybe.
Lily: Wedding chapel. This is it. Are you ready to do this?
Marshall: I'm ready. Let's get married.
Ted: Yeah.
Lily: Oh crap. I don't have a veil. I'm a bride, I can't get married without a veil. And a bouquet. I need a veil and a bouquet. Oh my god, we're getting married.
Robin: Don't worry, relax, we'll get you a veil, honey.
Lily: Oh, Robin, that's a really cute outfit.
Robin: Oh, really? Thanks.
Lily: Yeah, it has to go. I'm the bride, you can't look better than me.
Robin: Done.
(Robin walks away)
Lily: All right, I'm gonna get a bouquet. You guys get the veil. We'll meet at the chapel in twenty minutes. Ready, break.
(Lily runs off)
Ted: You guys wanna go gamble?
Marshall: We gotta go get the veil.
Ted: Or we looked everywhere and we couldn't find one.
Marshall: Oh, OK.
Barney: You guys go ahead, I'm gonna go find the veil.
(Barney walks away)
Ted: So this is it, right? The last twenty minutes of your single life. Proud of you buddy.
Marshall: Thanks.
Ted: How are you feeling?
Marshall: Great, a little nervous.
Ted: Craps?
Marshall: Not that nervous.
Ted: No, I mean, you wanna play craps?
Marshall: Oh yeah, definitely.
(Barney walks back towards them with veil)
Barney: OK, I got the veil. She wasn't ready to be married. All right, let's talk bachelor party. Are we thinking full on strip club or should we rent a room and have a private toy show?
Ted: What did you just say? Marshall: Barney, no. Barney: Marshall, I am your best man.
Marshall: You're not my best man.
Ted: Right here.
Barney: And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. That's, that's part of being a best friend.
Marshall: You're not my best friend.
Ted: Right here.
Marshall: Barney, there's no time for a bachelor party. I've got like 18 minutes.
Ted: 18 minutes.
INT. WEDDING CHAPEL
(subtitled, '18 minutes later...' Lily stands in front of door to chapel; Marshall, Ted and Barney run in)
Lily: Oh, good, did you get the veil?
Barney: Of course.
(Barney hands Lily the veil) Marshall: It took us exactly 18 minutes.
(Marshall looks behind him and winks at the guys) Marshall: (to Lily) We went to a strip club.
Ted, Barney: No.
Marshall: We weren't there for very long. It's not like enough time to get a lap dance or anything. I got a lap dance.
Lily: Last lap dance ever.
Marshall: Right. What?
Robin: OK, I'm here.
(Robin walks in wearing big t-shirt that has picture of woman's body wearing bikini on it)
Ted: Oh God, the thing people waste money on in Atlatntic City.
Robin: Does it smell like strippers in here? Ted: It's weird, right? Marshall and Lily are getting married!
Lily: Hell yeah, look at this.
(Lily's bouquet plays Wedding March)
Marshall: Oh baby, this is it. Let's do this thing.
(Marshall and Lily walk over to counter)
Lily: Hi, we're here to get married.
Receptionist: Congratulations, we offer a variety of packages to give you the special day you've always dreamed about.
Marshall: Oh, we don't want any of that. Just your basic quickie wedding will be fine.
(Lily plays Wedding March on her bouquet)
Receptionist: You know this isn't Vegas, right?
Robin: Well, sure, in Vegas the casinos pump in oxygen. Here, looks like everyone brought their own.
(Ted distracted by looking at Robin's shirt)
Ted: What? Receptionist: It also takes three days to get a marriage license in New jersey. The earliest I can book you for is Monday.
Lily: No no no, it has to be today. That's the whole point.
Receptionist: Look, I don't know what to say, but if you guys don't want to book a wedding for Monday or play a round of keno, I can't help you. (into microphone) 35.
(Barney takes paper out of his inside jacket pocket and looks at it discretely and then puts it back in his pocket)
Ted: Wait wait wait, I don't understand. People get married in Atlantic City all the time.
Receptionist: Yes they do, but they don't elope. They choose Atlantic City for its white sand beaches, world class amenities and exotic Riviera feel.
Lily: Have you been outside? Ted: There is half an Orca whale rotting not twenty feet from the cabana.
Marshall: Are you sure about this?
Receptionist: About the marriage laws of the state where I work in a wedding chapel? Yeah, pretty sure.
Barney: On the bright side, the bachelor party continues.
Ted: Yes. Continues? He means starts. Starts. We went to a strip club.
Receptionist: (into microphone) 27.
Lily: Is there any way that we can get a license today?
Receptionist: You could go to the courthouse. In some extreme circumstances, the waiting period can be waived but you have to have a good reason.
Lily: Well, we're in love.
Marshall: What better reason could there be?
Receptionist: The last one I heard was I'm going to Iraq tomorrow to defend my country, but, you know, give yours a whirl.
EXT. COURTHOUSE
Future Ted VO: So we went to the courthouse.
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY
(Marshall, Lily, Robin, Ted and Barney stand in line)
Marshall: This is taking forever.
Robin: I can't believe they're getting married.
Ted: I know. I am so proud of these two. After all they've been through, the fact that crazy road has led them all the way here to Atlantic City.
Robin: Ted, up here. You're staring at my shirt boobs.
Ted: No I wasn't. I was checking out the hot bod underneath the shirt. OK, look, maybe I was looking at your shirt, but it's a funny, funny shirt.
Chinese guy: Hey, Barney! Barney!
(Barney shakes hands with Chinese guy)
(Chinese guy speaks Chinese, Barney laughs and speaks Chinese, Chinese guys speaks Chinese)
Chinese guys: Legen...(Chinese)...dary.
(Barney laughs, Chinese guy leaves with Chinese friends)
Ted: What the hell was that? Barney: A Chinese guy?
(Marshall, Lily, Robin walk up to counter)
Marshall: Hi, hello, hello, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
Courthouse receptionist: Aw, I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now.
Lily: Oh really? Courthouse receptionist: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge could do that.
Lily: Oh, so can we see a judge?
Courthouse receptionist: Absolutely!
Lily: Really?
Courthouse receptionist: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today which there isn't.
Marshall: Why are you doing this to us? Courthouse receptionist: Because you're on Candid Camera!
Robin: Really?
Courthouse receptionist: Is what I would say
Marshall: You know what, we get it.
(Marshall, Lily and Robin walk away)
(Ted, Robin, Barney, and Lily sit on couch in hallway, Marshall stands next to them)
Lily: OK, this is a good plan B. Judges are people; people go to the bathroom; a judge is bound to come by eventually and we'll get married. I'm sure we won't be waiting long.
(sound of time passing, older people who look like Ted, Robin, Barney, Lily and Marshall are in same position as they were before, camera pans to right, Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin walk in direction of couch)
Marshall: Geez, you go to a vending machine for thirty seconds.
Barney: Vultures.
Ted: (to Robin) Pst.
(Ted motions to Robin with his head to follow him, Ted and Robin walk a few steps away)
Robin: What?
(Ted raises his eyebrows and smiles) Robin: Here?
Ted: Yeah, got a little time to kill.
Robin: Oh my God, it's the t-shirt, isn't it?
Ted: No. A little.
Robin: Something is seriously wrong with you.
Ted: So, what, is that a no?
Robin: All right, let's do it.
Ted: Also...
Robin: Yes, I'll leave it on.
Ted: Sweet.
(Ted and Robin walk away)
Barney: Guys, let's bail. This is never gonna happen.
Lily: Look, I know this is turning into a bit of a disaster, but believe me, it's better than the alternative.
Barney: What? You throwing a big free party with lots of booze and food and all your single desperate girlfriends from college? Yeah, glad we dodged that bullet.
(Lily spots a judge going into the bathroom)
Lily: Judge, Judge
(Lily follows judge into bathroom)
INT. JUDGE'S OFFICE
(Barney, Ted, Robin, Marshall and Lily stand in Judge's office; Marshall and Lily play Wedding March from bouquet)
Judge: Turn it off.
(Lily turns off bouquet)
Lily: May we please get married today?
Judge: Now, normally I would say no to a request like that but you two impress me. I mean, just the fact that you've been together for ten years, standing by each other's side through thick and thin. Never wavering.
(Marshall looks at Lily)
Judge: What was that?
Lily: What was what?
Judge: That little look, what was that?
Marshall: A look of love.
Judge: You two have stood together through thick and thin, right? (Marshall and Lily talk over each other)
Marshall: I have.
(Lily and Marshall look at each other)
Judge: All right, what was that look? What's going on?
Barney: They broke up over the summer. Lily totally ran off to San Francisco, and these two just had sex in the closet.
(Robin and Ted look at Barney with their mouths wide open)
Barney: What? We're under oath.
Ted: No we're not.
Barney: Yeah, we are. He's a judge.
Ted: Do you even know what an oath is?
Barney: Uh, yeah. Courthouse. Oath. We're under it.
INT. CASINO
(Marshall, Lily, Robin, Ted and Barney sit around table)
Marshall: Guys, it's looking like this isn't gonna happen.
Lily: No, Marshall, we are gonna get married today.
Marshall: Baby, any place we go we're gonna need a marriage license.
Lily: Except international waters. So, so, let's find a ship captain. A ship captain can marry us. There's boats all over this place.
Ted: Is that those wooden things floating between the garbage?
Lily: This is a great idea. This is gonna work, let's go.
(Lily gets up and walks over to white-haired lady playing slot machine)
Lily: Excuse me, are you a ship captain? Old lady: This is my machine.
Marshall: I should go talk to her.
Robin: No, let me.
(Robin gets up and walks over to Lily)
Ted: Blackjack?
Marshall: Yeah.
(Ted, Marshall and Barney get up from table)
Lily: Ooh, well, I found a guy who said he'd be willing to put his boat in my slip so we're getting closer.
Robin: OK, why is it so important to do this today? Lily: Because if we don't do it today, I just know we're gonna wind up having a huge wedding with a huge crowd full of huge Midwestern people looking all disapproving and judging me while sipping little cups of mayonnaise and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long.
Robin: Nobody's gonna do that.
Lily: No, they're not because I'm not gonna give them the chance. I'm gonna find a ship captain and we are gonna be married tonight.
Robin: Sweetie, this is crazy. You're never gonna find a ship...
Marshall: Hey, Lily, found a ship captain.
Robin: What?
(Lily runs over to Marshall, Ted and Barney at bar) Marshall: Yeah, first guy we talked to. Ship captain. How great is that?
Lily: See, see, this is destiny. So, captain, can you take us out to international waters and marry us?
Ship captain: I sure can. If there's two things I love, it's bringing people together in marriage and making $5000.
Marshall: What? Lily: Deal. Five thousand, OK, we can do that. Come on everybody, fork over your cash. Don't think, just do it.
Barney: I can get us that money.
Ted: How?
Barney: Have you noticed that all day today Chinese guys have been coming up and saying hi to me?
Ted: Yes. Have you noticed I haven't asked about it because I'm too scared of the answer?
Barney: Well, those are my old gambling buddies. Truth is I used to come here all the time, play an old Chinese game called shing haisibu shing. I had a small gambling problem. Actually, it wasn't so small. I kinda lost my entire life savings. But tonight, I don't know, I feel hot. I think I can win us that money.
Robin: No, we're not letting you gamble all our money away.
Barney: Uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're gonna win. I'll get us that money. I swear it. Nay, I oath it.
(shots of wheel going around, hand moving stacks of chips around table, Ted and Robin looking on, Barney and Chinese guys holding cards and moving stacks of chips into center of table)
Future Ted VO: Now, I had been to a lot of casinos before that night, and I've been to a lot of casinos since, but in all that time, I'd never seen a game like this one. To this day I have no idea how it was played, but luckily Barney did.
Lily: Do you understand what's happening?
Ted: Not a clue.
(dealer puts tiles on table and passes them to players, a Chinese guy points, everyone gets up and changes chairs, dealer shakes dice in cup and throws the dice down, Barney says something in Chinese, everyone looks over to wheel, another dealer spins wheel)
Robin: Do you think he's winning? Ted: I don't even know if he's playing.
(Barney slaps himself on cheek, a Chinese guy gets up and leaves table)
Marshall: Wait, I get it. I understand this game.
Ted: No you don't.
Marshall: I totally understand the game, Theodore! Barney, switch your tiles, you can triple your money if you find the jelly bean.
Barney: Marshall, please, don't you think I know what I'm...my God, you're right.
(Barney pushes all his chips into center of table and says something in Chinese, a Chinese guys also pushes all his chips in, 3 Asian girls put their fists down in front of Barney, Barney chooses a fist, the other girls walk away, girl holds her fist out, Chinese guys at table point and start counting, at three girl opens her first in front of Barney)
Barney: Ing-ha, ing-ha!
Marshall: Ing-ha!
Ted: Ing-ha!
(Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin jump up and down and hug each other, Barney eats jelly bean from girl's hand and kisses girl's hand)
EXT. BOAT
(Barney, Ted, Robin, Lily and Marshall stand on boat floating in water with Atlantic City in background)
Lily: Wow.
Robin: It's beautiful.
Marshall: Thanks, Barney.
Barney: Did you guys see me? I was on fire tonight. Man, I can't wait to get back to the shore. God, I love gambling!
Ted: When we get home, go to a little meeting, OK?
Barney: Why can't I do it just a little?
(Barney hugs Ted)
Lily: OK. Let's get this started.
Ship captain: OK, uh, you guys want the serious one or the funny one?
Lily: Oh, I think serious would be best.
Ship captain: Sure? Got a lot of great nautical jokes in there, like how you two float each other's boats, stuff like that.
Marshall: Serious is probably good.
Ship captain: We stand witness today to celebrate the union of Lily and Marshall. Today you two will become one, sharing your life, the happiness, the sadness, the frustrations and the joy.
Ted: This is pretty cool. Can't believe you never wanna get married.
Robin: I never said never.
Ship captain: To declare your love and devotion to each other in front of friends and family, all the people who matter most to you.
(Lily and Marshall look at each other)
Ship captain: What was that?
Marshall: What was what? Ship captain: That little look. You two just shared a look.
(Lily and Marshall look at each other)
Lily: We don't wanna do this.
Marshall: We don't.
Ted: Are you kidding me? You guys are calling off another wedding?
Robin: After I spent all this money on a bridesmaid's shirt?
Barney: Did I bet someone that they'd call it off? I did, didn't I? Who did I bet?
Ted: You actually expect any of us are gonna come to your third wedding.
Lily: Yes, 'cause it's gonna be amazing. Look, before, I was afraid to face Marshall's family and I didn't wanna do all that work, but now that we're here, I realize that I have to face Marshall's family, and I really wanna do all that work.
(Lily faces Marshall)
Marshall: So do I. And, yeah, my family might still be upset with you. But when they see us up there, they're gonna see how much we love each other and none of that other stuff is gonna matter.
Lily: I love you Marshall.
Marshall: I love you too, Lilypad.
(Marshall and Lily kiss)
Ship captain: I now pronounce you man and wife.
Lily, Marshall: What?
Ship captain: Is that not right? Marshall: Are we married? Did you just marry us? Weren't you listening? We don't want to be married.
Ship captain: Uh, I, I suppose I can unpronounce you.
Lily, Marshall: Unpronounce us, unpronounce us!
Ship captain: I unpronounce you man and wife.
Lily: Oh, whew, that was close.
(Lily and Marshall kiss)
Future Ted VO: And that's the story of how Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily got married for 12 seconds somewhere off the Coast of the Atlantic City.
INT. APARTMENT
(Lily and Marshall sitting on couch watching TV, Ted walks out of his bedroom wearing Robin's bikini body t-shirt)
Ted: Hey guys.
Marshall: Hey...Ted.
(Ted gets something from the refrigerator and walks back to his room)
Lily: Is Robin here?
Marshall: Man, I hope so.