I Love Lucy Transcripts
I LOVE LUCY
1X29 - The Freezer
Original Airdate: April 28, 1952
Written by: Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh Davis & Bob Carroll Jr.
Directed by: Marc Daniels
Transcribed By: Jeffrey Thomason
http://east68street.com
(START SHOW - KITCHEN)
LUCY: Here you are dear.
RICKY: Oh thank you honey... hey what goes here, just two eggs? Where's the bacon?
LUCY: Bacon happens to be seventy-five cents a pound.
RICKY: Look Lucy, I can't eat eggs that way. They, they, they look ah absolutely naked.
LUCY: Well look the other way when you eat em'.
RICKY: Now Lucy, where's the bacon?
LUCY: As far as I'm concerned it's still on the hog... I'm economizing.
RICKY: We'll look honey that's a very good attitude but ah, why do you have to cut down on food?
LUCY: There's just know other place to cut down.
RICKY: Is that so eh? ...what about all the money that you spend on clothes and the beauty parlor hmm? Why don't you cut them out?
LUCY: Well, alright if you think you'd like your meals served by an ugly brunette wearing a flour sack...
RICKY: You know what I mean. There must be some other way to economize.
LUCY: Well, as a matter of fact there is Ricky... (FLASHES NEWSPAPER) look save money with a home freezer get your meat wholesale.
RICKY: I knew it, I knew it had to be something been back of all this.
LUCY: Bu, bu, bu, but it won't cost us a cent Ricky look. It says right here "this freezer pays for itself".
RICKY: Oh well, let me see (GRABS PAPER). Hey! Maybe we oughta get one!
LUCY: Really?
RICKY: Sure... as soon as it gets through paying for itself tell it to give us a call and come over.
LUCY: Now you know what I meant!
RICKY: Honey I can't afford a freezer, not even one that pays for itself.
LUCY: But Ricky listen, it's only gonna save us money...
RICKY: (INTERRUPTS) I cannot do it honey now. Can't afford it. See you later.
LUCY: What about your eggs?
RICKY: Oh I gotta feeling that they won't go to waste. Ethel is coming up isn't she? ...Good bye.
LUCY: Goodbye.
(RICKY EXITS)
(ETHEL ENTERS)
ETHEL: Good morning Lucy.
LUCY: Oh yeah?
ETHEL: Good bye Lucy.
LUCY: Come back Ethel.
ETHEL: If ida wanna be with someone grumpy, ida stayed down stairs with Fred. (NOTICES FOOD, SITS AND EATS) What's the matter with you?
LUCY: Oh... I asked Ricky if we couldn't have this freezer and says he can't afford it, can't afford it.
(FRED ENTERS UNNOTICED)
ETHEL: I asked Fred to buy us a freezer too.
LUCY: What'd he say?
FRED: I'll tell ya what I said... (ETHEL INTERRUPTS) I said...
ETHEL: Ah, please please... there are ladies present.
FRED: I just come up to tell ya not to expect any heat today I put all new fire brick in that furnace and we can't use it til' the cement dries... this house might be a home freezer itself by night.
ETHEL: Charm boy...
LUCY: Yeah... (SILENCE) see why is it everything that's wonderful costs money.
ETHEL: I don't know... SAY! Why didn't I think of this before? Uncle Oscar.
LUCY: Uncle Oscar?
ETHEL: My uncle Oscar's a butcher and he's gotta big cold chest.
LUCY: Why don't you knit em' a sweater?
ETHEL: Well of course if you don't want to hear my plan...
LUCY: I do, I do.
ETHEL: Well, he's retiring from the meat business and he's got a great big ol' freezer. You know the kind you walk into and hang up the meat? I'll bet he'd sell us that for practically nothing.
LUCY: Really.
ETHEL: I'm gonna call him up (DIALS NUMBER) if we could buy it and put it in the basement we'd have a real home freezer.
LUCY: How much you'd think he'd sell it for?
ETHEL: I don't know but there's no harm in asking because this would be a great way... Hello Uncle Oscar? This is little Ethel.
LUCY: Little?
ETHEL: Uncle Oscar... how much you want for that big ol' freezer of yours... for me. Well that sounds like a fair price.
LUCY: How much?
ETHEL: He'll sell it to us for nothing.
LUCY: For nothing!
ETHEL: All we have to do is pay for the hauling and installation?
LUCY: How much is that?
ETHEL: How much is that... (TO LUCY) fifty dollars.
LUCY: SOLD!
ETHEL: We'll take it... When can we have installed? This afternoon? Ah gee that's fine. Kiss aunt Emmy for me will ya good bye Unc (HANGS UP). Lucy, we now own a home freezer.
LUCY: Thank you, let's get busy... look out (DIALS NUMBER)
ETHEL: What are you doing?
LUCY: Ordering meat. The sooner we get the meat in the freezer the quicker we'll be saving money.
ETHEL: I wonder how much we ought a order.
LUCY: Oh twenty, twenty-five pounds maybe thirty.
ETHEL: Gee that sounds like a lot of meat.
LUCY: Honey! It'll last. Hello? Hello this is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo at six-twenty-three East sixty-eighth Street. I, I'd like to order some meat for our freezer. Beef. Oh I see, just a minute (TO ETHEL) its only sixty-nine cents a pound.
ETHEL: No kidding... why steaks a dollar eighty-nine.
LUCY: Yeah, I know I better order right away before he realizes what a bargain he's giving us. (TO MAN ON PHONE) Oh well alright that'll be al... that'll be fine. Oh by the side uh well just a minute (TO ETHEL) that's the price by the side. How big is a side of beef?
ETHEL: Well a side of bacon is (MOTIONS HANDS) this big
LUCY: Oh, well that's ok. Alright I'll take a side. Better make it two sides... one for each of us... Uh yeah can you send it over this afternoon? East Street that's right. Thank you. (HANGS UP)
LUCY: In the meantime we'll go downtown.
ETHEL: What for?
LUCY: Well with all that money we're saving on the freezer we can afford to buy ourselves new dresses. Hurry up get ready.
(NEW SCENE - LIVING ROOM)
(LUCY AND ETHEL ENTER)
ETHEL: (SIGHS)
LUCY: Oh yeah, was a lot of money but after all it's a very basic style. I can wear it for years... oh I can hardly wait to try these things on.
ETHEL: I'm going right down to my apartment and put this on.
(KNOCKING)
LUCY: Oh! Say maybe that's the meat!
(LUCY AND ETHEL RUN TO KITCHEN BACK DOOR)
LUCY: Yes sir?
BUTCHER 1: Mrs. Ricardo?
LUCY: Yes sir.
BUTCHER 1: Johnson's Mean Company.
LUCY: Gee, that sure is a lot isn't it.
BUTCHER 1: Oh, there's more.
LUCY: Oh? ...look at the way they wrap it.
BUTCHER 2: (BRINGS MORE MEAT) Hi...
LUCY: My goodness...
(BUTCHERS CARRY LOAD AFTER LOAD IN)
LUCY: (GASPS) Hey... are you sure that's all for us?
BUTCHER 1: Lady, this is only the beginning.
ETHEL: Oh... there must be a mistake.
LUCY: Oh the that isn't a side of beef, that must be a side of Elephant.
(MORE BUTCHERS ENTER WITH MEAT)
ETHEL: Lucy What have we got ourselves into?
LUCY: How much is all this gonna cost Ethel?
(BUTCHER GIVES LUCY BILL)
LUCY: We're getting seven-hundred pounds of meat.
ETHEL: That's sixty-nine cents a pound that's...
LUCY: Four-Hundred Eighty-Three dollars!
ETHEL: (GASPS)
LUCY: (TO BUTCHER 1) Listen, listen there's been a mistake your gonna have to take most of this meat back.
ETHEL: All but thirty pounds.
LUCY: Yeah.
BUTCHER 1: Sorry ladies once a side of beef has been cut we're not allowed to bring it back.
LUCY: Come on Ethel lets get busy.
ETHEL: What are we gonna do?
LUCY: I'm gonna paste this animal back together again... Find the piece that fits that.
BUTCHER 1: Look ladies, even if you defrosted it, pasted it together, and taught it to walk I couldn't take it back. (TO ANOTHER BUTCHER) Well that's one side now lets go down and get the other one.
ETHEL: The other one!
LUCY: Ricky and Fred are gonna kill us.
ETHEL: Yes, but by buying it all wholesale we saved em' at least five hundred dollars.
LUCY: I hope you can explain all that before there fingers tighten around our throats... maybe we could sell some of it.
ETHEL: Sell it?
LUCY: Yeah you know where you go to a butcher shop and grab some of the customers before the butcher gets to em' ...We could sell this for seventy-nine cents a pound.
ETHEL: But it only cost sixty-nine.
LUCY: Well we might as well make a little something on it.
ETHEL: Oh no Lucy we couldn't sell it, it wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be fair.
LUCY: Why not?
ETHEL: It...
(BUTCHERS ENTER WITH MORE MEAT)
ETHEL: Well don't just stand there. We got a lot of meat to sell.
(NEW SCENE - BUTCHER SHOP)
(LUCY ENTERS - LOOKS BOTH WAYS, MOTIONS FOR ETHEL)
(ETHEL ENTERS WITH CARRIAGE)
LUCY: (WHISTLES) ...Get ready for business.
(ETHEL PULLS CHAIR FROM CARRIAGE AND SITS)
LUCY: (WALKS TO WAITING CUSTOMER) PSST... PSST ...come here. Are you tired of paying high prices? Are you interested in a little high class beef? You want a bargain? (CLAPS HANDS) Tell ya what I'm gonna do. Move up a little closer, I don't wanna block the traffic. Now you look like a smart Dane. What'll it be? Now I've got sirloin, tenderloin, T-bone, rump, pot roast, chuck roast, ox-tail stump. I got a special on T-bone seventy-nine cents a pound.
LADY 1: Well really I'm... seventy-nine cents!
LUCY: Shh quite. Get em' while they last lady. Step right over here and help yourself. Ethel, help the little lady will ya?
ETHEL: What' a ya have?
LADY 1: Well id like a... sirloin.
LUCY: Keep it down, keep it down.
ETHEL: One sirloin commin' up.
LUCY: Keep it down kids, keep it down.
LADY 1: How much does this weigh?
ETHEL: Weigh.
(LUCY PULLS SCALE FROM CARRIAGE)
ETHEL: Three pounds.
LADY 1: I'll take it...
LUCY: (WALKS TO ANOTHER CUSTOMER IN LINE) Come here... Are you interested in some high class beef? Are you tired of paying high prices? Do you want a bargain? (SLAPS HANDS) Tell ya what I'm gonna do...
LADY 1: (TAPS LUCY) Is this choice meat?
LUCY: Absolutely! Give the little lady her choice Ethel... (SLAPS HANDS) Tell ya what I'm gonna do.
LADY 1: (TAPS LUCY) That's not what I meant.
LUCY: Get away from me kid you bother me ...(SLAPS HANDS) Tell ya what I'm gonna do. Any cut you want seventy-nine cents a pound.
LADY 2: Well how can you afford to sell it so cheap?
LUCY: (CLAPS HANDS) I'm glad you asked that lady. Now this is all made possible because we do (CLAPS HANDS) everything ourselves. (CLAPS HANDS) and we rope (CLAPS HANDS) and we brand (CLAPS HANDS) and we butcher (CLAPS HANDS) and we market. And we do (CLAPS HANDS) everything ourselves but eat it for you. Seventy-nine cents a pound.
LADY 2: Well I'll try a round steak...
LUCY: Ok... step right over here... help the little lady... keep it down... Rock a bye baby (ROCKS CARRIAGE) on the tree top... Rock a bye baby on the tree top... Keep it down...
(BUTCHER WALKS OVER BEHIND LUCY)
LUCY: (LUCY TURNS AROUND) Ohhh! ...(LUCY AND ETHEL QUICKLY PACK UP) Watch the paper for new location... Good afternoon.
(LUCY AND ETHEL EXIT)
(NEW SCENE- BASEMENT)
(LUCY ENTERS CARRYING LOTS OF MEAT TO FREEZER)
(ETHEL ENTERS CARRYING MORE MEAT)
ETHEL: This is the last.
LUCY: Oh thank goodness. (MOVES CHAIR THAT WAS HOLDING DOOR OPEN LEAVING ETHEL IN FREEZER, AND SITS) Boy! Seven hundred pounds of meat is a lot to carry... oh.
(ETHEL YELLS FROM INSIDE FREEZER TO UNLOCK DOOR - LUCY CAN'T HEAR)
LUCY: You know... you know what worries me is how we're... (LUCY TURNS AND NOTICES ETHEL)
LUCY: Oh honey I'm so... Wait'll I get the key.
(OPENS DOOR)
LUCY: Gee, I'm sorry.
ETHEL: Oh boy it gets cold in there.
LUCY: Yeah, how about that... you know this is dangerous not being able to open that from the inside... we'd better have this lock taken off tomorrow.
ETHEL: Yeah, that's a good idea.
LUCY: Golly...
ETHEL: Well, Lucy...
LUCY: Woo!
ETHEL: We did it... its all in there.
LUCY: Yeah... Now we just gotta explain all this meat to Ricky and Fred.
ETHEL: Yeah...
LUCY: You don't suppose they believe that a cow wondered in there and fell apart?
ETHEL: ...Nope.
LUCY: No I guess not.
(RICKY TALKING IN DISTANCE)
LUCY: What's that!
ETHEL: Its Ricky and Fred!
LUCY: There coming down here!
ETHEL: Oh no they're up in the apartment... we can hear em' through the furnace.
LUCY: Are you sure?
ETHEL: Sure, I'll show ya.
LUCY: Don't touch that! Honey, it's hot.
ETHEL: No Fred's fixing it remember.
LUCY: Oh, I wonder what Ricky's doing home already.
ETHEL: I'll see... Lucy! there looking for us, what are we gonna tell em'.
LUCY: Well come on we can't let em' find us down here... Hurry up.
(NEW SCENE - LIVING ROOM)
(LUCY AND ETHEL ENTER)
LUCY: Well, Ethel look who's here.
ETHEL: Why it's Ricky and Fred.
LUCY: Yeah!
RICKY: Girls, we want talk to you.
LUCY: About what?
FRED: I ran into Uncle Oscar today.
LUCY: Start packin' Ethel.
RICKY: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Where not mad at you. We think it's a wonderful idea that you got us a freezer.
FRED: Yeah, that was a real smart business deal.
LUCY: Yeah! How bout' that!
FRED: In fact, we think you did do well getting the freezer we want to do our share too.
RICKY: That's right... and just to get you started here's what we got you, (PULLS OUT MEAT) thirty pounds of meat...
LUCY: Gee, swell.
ETHEL: ...Neat.
RICKY: You ever saw that much meat in your whole life?
LUCY: No... Boy that sure it a lot isn't it Ethel huh...
FRED: Well come on let's get it down in the freezer.
RICKY: Yeah let's put it in the freezer come one.
LUCY: Oh no no wait a minute, I... I have a couple of steaks that I, ah think we ought a do it all in one trip. Come here and help me Ethel.
(ETHEL AND LUCY EXIT)
FRED: What's with her?
(NEW SCENE - KITCHEN)
LUCY: Listen, you stall em' while I get that meat outa that freezer.
ETHEL: How can I stall em'?
LUCY: Listen, if I can move seven hundred pounds of meat you'll be able to keep two husbands occupied for a couple of minutes.
ETHEL: Well what can I do?
LUCY: Dance with em' talk, sing... that's it ask Ricky to sing.
ETHEL: SING! You know he won't.
LUCY: Oh won't he listen, you take care of the ham, I'll take care of the beef.
(LUCY EXITS)
(LIVING ROOM)
ETHEL: (ETHEL ENTERS) Hi fellas.
FRED: Hi what's the delay.
ETHEL: Delay?
FRED: Yeah.
RICKY: Where's Lucy? Come on.
ETHEL: Lucy? Um uh sh... uh eh, uh... the freezer was dirty and she wanted to go down and clean it all up before you saw it.
RICKY: Ah... honey what's the difference. Come on we wanna see it. Let's go down there.
FRED: Come on, let's go down there.
ETHEL: Now wait a minute Fred you know Lucy if she'm uh if uh... Ricky! I think you sing better than anybody in the whole world. Would you sing for me?
FRED: Sing? Now?
ETHEL: Yeah now.
FRED: What's the matter with you? Are you loosing you mind? Come on we've got a freezer down there and a lot a meat to put in it. Now let's go right now.
RICKY: Wait, wait a minute Fred wait a minute. If, Ethel wants to hear me sing that bad ah, gee I, I wouldn't want to deprive her of the pleasure of it.
FRED: Oh Noo! (CRIES)
RICKY: Would you like to hear me sing eh? Alright... you really think I sing good huh? Gee that's very nice of you. What would you like to hear?
ETHEL: Anything with a lot of choruses.
RICKY: Oh boy a lot of choruses ok? Alright here's one.
(STARTS PLAYING GUITAR)
ETHEL: Ah Ricky...
(CONTINUES PLAYING)
(BASEMENT - WHILE RICKY'S SINGING)
(LUCY RUNS TO FREEZER, OPENS IT AND BEGINS REMOVING MEAT FROM IT, AND THROWS IT INTO FURNACE)
(LIVING ROOM)
(RICKY STILL PLAYING)
(ETHEL LISTENS... THEN END OF SONG)
ETHEL: ...Bravo Bravo! (LAUGHS AND CLAPS) oh isn't he wonderful Fred?
FRED: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ETHEL: Sing another one Ricky...
RICKY: Alright uh what'll ya like to here now?
FRED: How bout' that dandy little ditty entitled "Lets Vamoose-o To El Freeze-o"
RICKY: Eh, what would you like to hear Ethel?
ETHEL: Anything.
RICKY: Alright, here's one you should like.
(RICKY BEGINS PLAYING)
(BASEMENT - WHILE RICKY'S PLAYING)
(LUCY GOES BACK TO FREEZER AND CHAIR GETS KICKED OUT FROM HOLDING DOOR LEAVING LUCY LOCKED IN FREEZER)
(LUCY SCREAMS, NO ONE HEARS)
(NEW SCENE - BASEMENT)
(ETHEL ENTERS)
ETHEL: Here we come Lucy. Have you got it all cleaned up Lucy? ...Lucy?
(RICKY AND FRED ENTER)
RICKY: Hey this is great! Fred... this is wonderful.
FRED: Yeah, look how big and roomy. I bet you can hang a whole side of beef in there.
RICKY: Are you kidding? I BET...
(LUCY APPEARS IN WINDOW ON FREEZER DOOR COVERED IN ICE)
RICKY: Ahhhh!
ETHEL: Oh... Oh Lucy! ...Oh Ricky, Ricky she's freezing.
RICKY: Lucy! You come outa there! Come outa there now.
ETHEL: Oh, she's locked in.
RICKY: Well, where's the key? Come on where's the key?
ETHEL: Where's the key Lucy?
(RICKY MOTIONS KEY)
ETHEL: The key Lucy...
RICKY: The key for the door, where's the key?
ETHEL: Where'd you put it?
RICKY: Where's the key? Haven't you got the key?
(LUCY INTERPRETS SIGNALS REACHES IN POCKET SHOWS KEYS AND STARTS CRYING)
RICKY: Oh honey... honey don't cry honey don't cry.
FRED: I'll got get a crow bar and we'll pry it open.
RICKY: Well hurry up will you.
RICKY: Honey... oh honey don't cry honey don't cry... hooo, hoo, hooo, hoo don't! hooo, hoo, hoo don't honey don't.
ETHEL: Her tears are frozen.
RICKY: Yeah... uh honey, oh my...no honey!
(LUCY JUMPS AROUND)
(RICKY JUMPS MOCKING LUCY SIGNALING NOT TO)
RICKY: Honey! Don't jump all over around, not don't! No honey! You'll use the oxygen don't!
ETHEL: Oxygen?
RICKY: Yeah! Jumpin' around ...no honey no.
(LUCY STOPS JUMPING AND WAVES GOODBYE)
RICKY: No not goodbye honey stand still ...lay against the wall... Fred! Lay against the wall... stand still, stand still against the wall! Rest honey.
(FRED ENTERS)
RICKY: ...ok here we go.
ETHEL: Hurry Ricky... Are you getting it? Is it coming?
RICKY: Alright, I think I've got it... here we go, I've got it.
FRED: We got it.
(DOOR OPENS)
RICKY: (ENTERS FREEZER SEES LUCY BY WALL) Oh! My goodness!
(LUCY FALLS INTO RICKY) Oh! She's stiff as a (?)
FRED: I know it.
RICKY: ...wait a minute well hold it I'll get it Fred Just hold it a minute hold it, I'll get her back here. (STANDS LUCY BACK UP)
FRED: Let me help!
RICKY: Get her feet, get her feet!
(RICKY FRED AND ETHEL CARRY HER)
(ALL YELLING "EASY, EASY NOW")
ETHEL: Get her feet, now wait let me help... Hey fellas, fellas Easy, easy going around corners, you might snap off an arm.
RICKY: Alright take it easy, watch her arms there! Watch her arms.
(NEW SCENE - LIVING ROOM)
(LUCY SHIVERING IN A HEAT BLANKET)
ETHEL: Have some more hot soup Lucy.
LUCY: Oh... thank you.
RICKY: Honey you sure your gonna be alright?
LUCY: Yeah, pu, pu, put the blanket up another notch.
RICKY: Alright.
ETHEL: Well, we can be sure of one thing, that freezer really freezes.
LUCY: Ohh! Boy you can sa say that again.
(FRED ENTERS)
FRED: Well! How's our little quick frozen redhead?
LUCY: Ok Fred.
FRED: Good.
(RICKY SNIFFS AIR)
RICKY: Hey! What smells so good?
FRED: Surely makes me hungry whatever it is.
RICKY: Yeah.
ETHEL: Hey smells like somebody's cooking a roast.
FRED: Yeah.
RICKY: Yeah.
(ALL SNIFFING AIR)
(LUCY'S EYES WIDEN)
RICKY: It smells delicious.
FRED: Yeah!
LUCY: Fred? Where we're you just now?
FRED: Down lighting the furnace why?
LUCY: Unplug me, unplug me, unplug me, unplug me.
(LUCY GETS UP AND RUNS ACROSS ROOM)
RICKY: Lucy, where are you going?
LUCY: Don't ask questions! Just get a knife and a fork and a bottle of ketchup and follow me to the biggest barbeque in the whole world. (STARTS CRYING)
(LUCY EXITS)
(END SHOW)