I Love Lucy Transcripts
I LOVE LUCY
3X18 - Ricky Loses His Temper
Original Airdate: February 22, 1954
Written by: Bob Carroll Jr., Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh Davis
Directed by: William Asher
Transcribed By: Jeffrey Thomason
http://east68street.com
(START SHOW - LIVING ROOM)
(RICKY SITTING ON COUCH, LUCY ENTERS APARTMENT)
LUCY: Hi, honey.
RICKY: Oh, hi.
LUCY: Where's little Ricky?
RICKY: He's still asleep.
LUCY: Was he good?
RICKY: Oh, he was just perfect. What a disposition that kid has... (LUCY CHUCKLES) ...Just wonderful, just like his old man.
LUCY: (LAUGHS) Well he's a little angel alright. Wait'll you see what I bought.
RICKY: Lucy, not another hat.
LUCY: Now don't say a word until you've seen it. Now, don't you think that's the most beautiful hat you've ever seen?
RICKY: Yeah! I think it's great.
LUCY: You do?
RICKY: Em Hm, you know frankly I never have liked that hat on you. (REFERRING TO THE HAT LUCY IS WEARING)
(LUCY LOOKS SAD)
RICKY: What's the matter honey?
LUCY: You never like my new hats; you always like my old ones better. So this time I put my old one in the box, and I wore my new one. You dirty double-crosser. (RICKY STARTS LAUGHING). (LUCY CHUCKLES ALONG...) I never can seem to out-smart you. (BOTH LAUGH) Ah, you're such a clever husband.
RICKY: Oh, you should have seen your face when I said I didn't like your new hat.
LUCY: Yeah, I guess it was pretty funny alright. (LUCY LAUGHS HER WAY TO THE CLOSET WITH NEW HAT)
RICKY: Wa, wa, wa, wa, wait just a minute. I didn't say you could keep it. How much is it?
LUCY: Oh, you just keep on laughing honey...
RICKY: How much is it?
LUCY: Oh, come on now honey. Uh...
RICKY: Come on Lucy...
LUCY: Your in such a good mood, why spoil it?
RICKY: Lucy...
LUCY: Look if I tell you now, you'll just get mad. There's no since in you losing your temper every time I bring something home. Why don't you wait till the bills come in for everything and get mad all at once?
RICKY: Now look, I'm not gonna lose my temper...
LUCY: No?
RICKY: Now just let me see the price tag...
LUCY: No.
RICKY: Lucy!
LUCY: No. Now look, look, look isn't this beautiful don't you think this it's worth almost any amount of money?
RICKY: No.
LUCY: No? Well...
RICKY: Price tag...
(LUCY TRIES EATING IT BUT RICKY GRABS STRING AND PULLS IT OUT OF HER MOUTH) Forty-Nine Fifty! (CHEWS LUCY OUT IN SPANISH)
LUCY: Now now now, now honey, honey! You said you weren't going to get mad.
RICKY: That was before I knew how much it cost.
LUCY: But, it's such a beautiful hat and I needed it.
RICKY: Needed it!
LUCY: Yes.
RICKY: You've got a closet full of hats.
LUCY: I haven't either.
RICKY: Ha! ...ha. (WALKS TO CLOSET)
LUCY: What are you doing?
RICKY: (PULLS OUT TUBS OF HATS) What do these look like?
LUCY: Well they do look like hats don't they?
RICKY: Yeah, they do look like hats.
LUCY: But, none of those look good on me.
RICKY: Oh, I wouldn't say that, now this is a lovely little hat. Look at that. (PUTS IT ON HER HEAD), and look at this one. This is one of my favorites of all times. Look at that hat there (PUTS IT ON TOP OF HER HEAD WITH OTHER HAT), and this hat, this is a Jim Dandy here, look at that one (PUTS IT ON TOP OF HEAD), and this is a beauty look (ADDS HAT TO THE PILE ON HER HEAD), now what, there you are. Now isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your whole life? You've got a fortune invested in each one of these hats, and now none of them look good on you. You only got one head, why do you buy so many hats? (LUCY STARTS CRYING) And don't cry, I don't like it when you cry. (LUCY GETS LOUDER) Don't do that!
LUCY: I should never of married a hot-blooded Cuban, I should have married a cold-blooded Sweden.
RICKY: Now don't cry!
LUCY: Every time I spend a little money you lose your temper.
RICKY: (YELLS) What do you mean I lose me temper! I never lose my temper!
LUCY: Well you're the first person I ever saw whose veins bulged, just because they have a good disposition. Go look at your self go on, take a look. (RICKY PICKS UP MIRROR) See?
(PHONE RINGS)
LUCY: (INTO PHONE) Hello?
MAN ON PHONE:: May I speak to Mr. Ricardo please?
LUCY: (INTO PHONE) Uh, just a minute. (TO RICKY) It's for you.
RICKY: (INTO PHONE) Hello!
MAN ON PHONE:: Hello Ricky, this is Morris Williams.
RICKY: Yeah...
MAN ON PHONE:: I lined up a ventriloquist for you.
RICKY: Oh good.
MAN ON PHONE:: I've been going over the act with him, and he's perfect for what you want.
RICKY: Yeah?
MAN ON PHONE:: Besides he's the only ventriloquist available in town.
RICKY: Uh huh?
MAN ON PHONE:: His name's Sir Hume.
RICKY: oh yes, yes Sir Hume, I know his act.
MAN ON PHONE:: Now, about price...
RICKY: I also know that he was getting two hundred and fifty dollars a week at the Domino Club.
MAN ON PHONE:: Well now his price is five hundred dollars.
RICKY: Five hundred dollars! What's the matter with you? Do you think I'm crazy or somethin'?
MAN ON PHONE:: Temper, temper.
RICKY: Now, listen don't give me that. I haven't got any temper. I just don't like to be rooked that's all. Five-hundred dollars a week, that's the most ridicules thing I ever heard in my life.
MAN ON PHONE:: Well um, wait a minute let me check with my client. (TO VENTRILOQUIST) We got him, he's blowing his top.
VENTRILOQUIST: Look, I want that job. (DUMMY:) Yeah, he needs food. My voice is getting week.
MAN ON PHONE:: Well let me handle this, I know my psychology. Besides you're the only act in town that can do this, and he knows it. (TO PHONE) Sorry Ricky, that's our price.
RICKY: Alright, I'll give you until tomorrow at noon to come to your senses. Good bye. (HANGS UP PHONE) Ha! (COMPLAINS IN SPANISH)
LUCY: Now, temper, temper.
RICKY: And don't say temper, temper!
LUCY: Oh, your right there's no since in my fighting it. It's just part of your personality; big brown eyes, black wavy hair and a lousy disposition. You couldn't keep from losing your temper if your life depended on it.
RICKY: What do you mean I couldn't keep from loosing my...!
LUCY: See, see look, I, I, I, I'm just not going to fight it anymore dear. I'm just going to accept it.
RICKY: Well, maybe you're right. Nobody's perfect, I gotta accept you with all your faults too.
LUCY: That's right dear, that's the only since-able way to look at it. After all... What do you mean all my faults!
RICKY: Like your s'travagances.
LUCY: What s'travagances?
RICKY: You couldn't keep from buying a new hat if your life depended on it. And it may...
LUCY: I could too. I could keep from buying a new hat for a, ah, a month.
RICKY: How much would you like to bet?
LUCY: Forty-nine Fifty.
RICKY: Forty-nine Fifty? How do you arrive at that figure?
LUCY: There's a hat I wanna buy with my winnings.
RICKY: Ah ha! Ah ha!
LUCY: Well... alight then, I'll give you a better bet. I'll bet you Forty-nine fifty that I can keep from buying a hat longer than you can keep from losing your temper.
RICKY: Ok, you've got yourself a bet.
LUCY: Alright, starting right now.
RICKY: Well, in just a minute dear. Take that hat back! What do you think I am, made of money?! We'll start from now on.
LUCY: Oh, come now. I bought that hat before we made the bet. So I get to keep it.
RICKY: Now just a minute. I have to pay for it after we made the bet. So, it goes back.
LUCY: I won't take it back! What do ya think of that?
RICKY: (STARTS TO YELL, THEN CATCHES HIMSELF) Ah no, your not gonna catch me as easy as that. Take it back dear.
LUCY: I won't.
RICKY: Yes you will. It's an order, take it back.
LUCY: No!
RICKY: You must.
LUCY: I don't must.
(END SCENE)
(NEW SCENE - OUTSIDE OF DRESS SHOP)
(ETHEL AND LUCY WALK IN)
ETHEL: I'm sorry you have to take it back.
LUCY: Yeah well...
ETHEL: (GASPS)
LUCY: what's the matter?
ETHEL: Oh look Lucy they're having a half-price sale.
LUCY: Oh! If I look, I'm lost. (COVERS EYES) Just lead me in Ethel. I'll return the hat and get it over with.
ETHEL: Ok, Come on. (GRABS ARM AND LEADS HER INTO STORE)
LUCY: Half price sale... wouldn't you know it... today.
ETHEL: Here's the door now...
LUCY: Oh heavens.
ETHEL: Hello Mrs. Mullford.
LUCY: Hello Mrs. Mullford.
MRS. MULLFORD: Why Mrs. Ricardo, what's the matter?
LUCY: Nothing, I'm just fighting temptation... I don't want to see all the goodies.
MRS. MULLFORD: Huh?
ETHEL: She bet her husband that she wouldn't buy a new hat.
MRS. MULLFORD: Oh.
LUCY: I have to return this one.
MRS. MULLFORD: You mean that adorable hat you bought yesterday?
LUCY: Please! Don't torture me just take it back... come on Ethel lets get outa here.
MRS. MULLFORD: Very well...
ETHEL: Ok.
MRS. MULLFORD: Oh, Mrs. Mertz can I show you something? We're having a special on cocktail hats.
LUCY: Cocktail hats! Oh Ethel, Ethel that feelings coming over me again... I can't fight it... get me out of here. Help me to be strong.
ETHEL: Ok come on...
MRS. MULLFORD: Oh Mrs. Mertz...
ETHEL: (GASPS)
LUCY: What is it!
ETHEL: Oh isn't that darling...
LUCY: What is it! What is it!
ETHEL: Uh uh! Nothing, nothing.
LUCY: It is too Ethel, tell me about it.
ETHEL: Now...
LUCY: Oh come on... just telling me about it wont hurt anything.
ETHEL: It's just a hat.
MRS. MULLFORD: It's all covered with little pearls...
LUCY: Pearls!
MRS. MULLFORD: And it's a lovely shade of turquoise.
LUCY: Oh no not turquoise oh turquoise, I love turquoise...
ETHEL: Lucy, Lucy it's just an ordinary shade of blue... now come on.
LUCY: Oh... (LUCY AND ETHEL WALK TO DOOR)
MRS. MULLFORD: It's half price...
LUCY: I'll take it!
ETHEL: Now wait a minute, you haven't even seen it.
LUCY: I don't care... it sounds so wonderful. (OPENS EYES AND TURNS AROUND) Oh!
ETHEL: Now Lucy...
LUCY: Oh!
ETHEL: Lucy, what about Ricky... what about the bet?
LUCY: Oh Ethel...
ETHEL: Lucy Ricardo, you see that door? You march right straight out of this store.
LUCY: It's got little pearls and everything and the little feather.
ETHEL: March.
LUCY: Oh alright...
ETHEL: Go ahead. At a girl, you can make it...
MRS. MULLFORD: It's an original...
LUCY: I got to have it! (RUNS AND GRABS HAT) Oh, oh isn't it adorable. Oh Ethel! Look at it. Oh, Mrs. MULLFORD won't this look wonderful on me?
MRS. MULLFORD: Please Mrs. Ricardo don't ask me that. You know I never try to influence my customers.
LUCY: Oh.
MRS. MULLFORD: Will you take it with you?
LUCY: Yes! Uh, I mean no, send it out tomorrow.
MRS. MULLFORD: Of course...
LUCY: Oh, and be very careful with it Mrs. MULLFORD...
MRS. MULLFORD: Oh, I will.
LUCY: Oh, come on Ethel I got a lot of work to do. I got to make Ricky lose his temper before they deliver that hat tomorrow.
(END SCENE)
(NEW SCENE - BEDROOM)
(LUCY LYING IN BED, RICKY ENTERS)
RICKY: Hi honey.
LUCY: Hi dear.
RICKY: Oh, what a night.
LUCY: Tough huh?
RICKY: Yeah... What are you doing up so late?
(RICKY WALKS INTO BATHROOM)
LUCY: Oh, I couldn't sleep. So I thought I'd read for awhile.
RICKY: Oh.
LUCY: How'd everything go at the club?
RICKY: Terrible. I made everybody come back and rehearse. That's why I'm so late.
LUCY: Oh, gee that's right, it's four o'clock.
RICKY: Yeah.
LUCY: You didn't lose your temper did you dear?
RICKY: Nope.
LUCY: That's good.
RICKY: You take your hat back?
LUCY: Oh yeah, sure.
RICKY: I'm dead tired.
LUCY: Dead tired huh?
RICKY: Yep. Now, I'm ready to drop.
LUCY: Just ready to drop, poor baby.
(RICKY ENTERS, KISSES LUCY AND WALKS TO BED)
RICKY: Goodnight honey.
LUCY: Goodnight dear... Sweet dreams. Sleep tight...
RICKY: Sweet dreams. Sleep tight.
(LUCY TURNS RADIO ON LOUD RICKY JUMPS UP AND YELLS)
RICKY: What's that! What's that! What's that! What's that!
LUCY: What's the matter dear? Is it too loud?
RICKY: Is it too loud!? (CATCHES HIMSELF AND STAYS CALM) No, no it isn't too loud. I just thought it might disturb the neighbors.
LUCY: Oh oh, well I turn it off then dear. That was very thoughtless of me.
RICKY: Thank you very much.
LUCY: It's alright honey. Goodnight dear.
RICKY: Goodnight.
(LUCY GETS OUT EMORY BOARD AND FILES NAILS)
(RICKY STARTS MOVING AND THEN GETS UP)
RICKY: Please, please, please please... I, I can hear that all the way over here.
LUCY: Oh, oh I'm sorry dear. Oh, I won't do it anymore.
RICKY: it's alright.
LUCY: I'm very sorry.
RICKY: That's alright.
LUCY: Goodnight dear.
RICKY: Goodnight.
(LUCY GETS OUT BOX OF CRACKERS AND STARTS EATING THEM RICKY TURNS AROUND TO LUCY)
LUCY: Want something to eat?
RICKY: Eat?
LUCY: Have a cracker honey.
RICKY: I don't want...
(LUCY GETS UP TO GIVE HIM BOX AND “TRIPS” ONTO RICKY SPILLING CRACKER CRUMBS ALL OVER HIS BED)
LUCY: Oh, honey I'm sorry... Oh baby.
(RICKY LAYS BACK DOWN)
LUCY: Goodnight dear.
(RICKY MUMBLES BACK, STIRS BACK AND FORTH THEN GETS UP AND POPS CRACKERS OFF THE BED)
LUCY: What's the matter dear, something wrong?
RICKY: No no, no. Everything's lovely.
LUCY: Sure you don't want a cracker?
RICKY: No, I don't want one, no.
LUCY: Goodnight dear.
RICKY: Goodnight.
(LUCY GRABS BOWL OF WALNUTS AND STARTS CRACKING THEM THEN USES A HAMMER TO HELP THE PROCESS. RICKY TURNS AROUND TO LUCY)
LUCY: Nuts?
RICKY: Not right now.
LUCY: Well you let me know.
(LUCY CONTINUES HAMMERING THE NUTS AND RICKY PUTS HIS HEAD INTO THE PILLOW CASE AND GOES TO SLEEP)
(END SCENE)
(NEW SCENE - BEDROOM)
(RICKY LYING IN BED, LUCY ENTERS)
(LUCY IS LOUD AND OPENS THE SHADE NEXT TO RICKY, AND PULLS OFF THE COVERS)
LUCY: Sorry honey, seven thirty, gotta have the sheets for the laundry man.
(LUCY PULLS OFF THE SHEETS FROM UNDER HIM, HURLING HIM TO THE FLOOR)
RICKY: Lucy?
LUCY: Yes dear?
RICKY: I know what you are trying to do. But, it's not gonna work.
(RICKY WALKS TO HIS SLIPPERS AND SLIDES FEET IN, THEN WHEN TRYING TO WALK HE ALMOST FALLS OVER BECAUSE THEY ARE STUCK TO THE FLOOR)
LUCY: I was only trying to help dear. You never can find your slippers in the morning so I nailed them to the floor.
RICKY: Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve, diez! ...It was very thoughtful of you.
(END SCENE)
(NEW SCENE - KITCHEN)
(LUCY PREPARING THE TABLE FOR RICKY'S LUNCH, ETHEL COMES IN THE BACK DOOR)
ETHEL: Lucy?
LUCY: Did you get it?
ETHEL: Here it is. Has he lost his temper yet?
LUCY: No, and I'm in a terrible mess. That hats gonna be delivered any minute. I hope this works.
ETHEL: Oh it'll work. You see that design, those leaves?
LUCY: Yeah?
ETHEL: Well there's a hole cut there in the middle of each leaf.
LUCY: Oh, yeah.
ETHEL: Now you fill that up with liquid and when he drinks it, it dribbles all over him. (BOTH LAUGH)
LUCY: Boy and he's wearing a white dinner jacket.
ETHEL: A white dinner jacket?
LUCY: Yes, he's taking publicity pictures. That's what gave me the idea.
ETHEL: Oh what a break.
(LUCY GOES TO REFRIGERATOR AND BRINGS BACK A PITCHER OF TOMATO JUICE)
LUCY: I think tomato juice might look just ducky on that white coat.
(LUCY FILLS GLASS WITH JUICE)
ETHEL: Don't go beyond that line!
LUCY: Why?
ETHEL: See? It'll all spill out before he gets a chance to drink it.
LUCY: Oh yeah ok... uh Ricky!
ETHEL: I'll see you later.
LUCY: Where you going?
ETHEL: I don't want to be here when he blows his Cuban top.
LUCY: Oh, come back...
(ETHEL EXITS THROUGH BACKDOOR)
LUCY: Ricky?
RICKY: Yeah?
LUCY: Lunch is ready.
RICKY: Alright.
(RICKY ENTERS KITCHEN)
LUCY: Sit right down dear.
RICKY: Thank you.
(RICKY JUST STARES AT FOOD)
LUCY: What's the matter?
RICKY: I don't trust you. (TAKES A BITE) I apologize.
(RICKY PICKS UP GLASS AND DRINKS UNAWARE UNTIL THE GLASS IS EMPTY THAT IT HAS SPILT ON HIS SUIT, AND THEN JUMPS UP AND YELLS)
RICKY: What is this!
LUCY: Well it uh, it looks like toma... tomato juice dear.
RICKY: It's a lovely shade of red isn't it?
(FRED ENTERS THROUGH BACK DOOR)
FRED: Hi.
LUCY: Hello Fred.
FRED: Who shot 'em?
LUCY: Nobody.
FRED: Well, did he cut his throat?
LUCY: No he dribbled tomato juice all over himself.
FRED: Oh, well has he lost his temper yet?
LUCY: Nope, still under control.
FRED: Good, Ricky I brought back your golf club that I borrowed. (GIVES RICKY A GOLF CLUB THAT HAS BEEN BENT IN HALF) I was practicing in Central Park and a tree jumped in front of me.
(LUCY AND FRED LAUGH, RICKY LAUGHS AND THEN STARTS CRYING)
(PHONE RINGS, LUCY ANSWERS)
LUCY: (TO PHONE) Hello?
MAN ON PHONE:: Hello? This is Morris, is Ricky there?
LUCY: (TO PHONE) Uh, Just a moment. (TO RICKY) It's somebody named Morris.
RICKY: Tell him I'm not home.
LUCY: (TO PHONE) Uh, he's right here just a second. (RUNS FROM RICKY WHEN HE ENTERS LIVING ROOM)
RICKY: (TO PHONE) Hello?
MAN ON PHONE:: Hello Ricky? We thought it over carefully and he can't do it for less than five hundred dollars.
RICKY: (TO PHONE) I see. Well, if that's the mans price, that's the mans price. Unfortunately, I can't afford it.
MAN ON PHONE:: Uh, is this Ricky Ricardo?
RICKY: (TO PHONE) Yes, this is Ricky Ricardo.
MAN ON PHONE:: Well look uh, maybe five hundred is a lot of money uh. Let me check with my client. (TO NEARBY VENTRILOQUIST) He didn't even raise his voice, he must have somebody else.
VENTRILOQUIST: Listen, I want you to get me that job at any price.
MAN ON PHONE:: Uh Ricky, just because of his great personal regard for you, he says he'll do it for three fifty.
RICKY: (TO PHONE) I'm sorry we'll just have to forget it.
MAN ON PHONE:: Three hundred?
RICKY: (TO PHONE) No.
MAN ON PHONE:: Ok... We'll do it for two fifty.
RICKY: Well you know, as a matter of fact I only have two hundred dollars left for that act.
MAN ON PHONE:: Wait a minute that ain't fair, you know he gets two fifty everywhere he works.
RICKY: (TO PHONE) Alright alright, I don't want to be unfair. I'll give you two fifty.
MAN ON PHONE:: Oh thank you, thank you.
RICKY: (TO PHONE) It's alright, good-bye.
(RICKY HANGS UP PHONE)
LUCY: What happened?
RICKY: Nothin'.
LUCY: Was it bad?
RICKY: No no no, as a matter of fact it's very good.
LUCY: Oh?
RICKY: Yeah, yes. I just learned a wonderful lesson.
LUCY: Oh you did?
RICKY: Yes sir. I didn't lose my temper and I saved two hundred and fifty dollars.
LUCY: Well! That's wonderful.
RICKY: And, you know something else? I owe it all to you.
LUCY: To me?
RICKY: That's right, so I'm going to buy you a new hat.
LUCY: Well! What about the bet?
RICKY: Oh, forget about the bet. Honey, from now on I'm going to be the happiest, calmest man in the whole world.
LUCY: Well, honey that's wonderful. Well, I I I'll call up and order the hat that I want.
RICKY: No look, go around shop for awhile. I'll buy you any hat you want.
LUCY: Oh well... I, I know the hat that I want dear and I, I'll call up and I'll have them send it over on their fastest delivery.
RICKY: Ok, sweetheart.
LUCY: Well... (PRETENDS TO DIAL PHONE AND TALKS) ... Hello? Hello Mrs. Mullford, this is Mrs. Ricardo. Yes, Mrs. Mullford, you know that darling little turquoise hat with the pearls that I liked so much yesterday? Yes well would will you put that on my charge and send it out please? Yes, on your fastest, speediest delivery. Thank you very much. (HANGS UP, AND IMMEDIATELY THE DOORBELL RINGS. LUCY'S EYES GET BIG)
(RICKY ANSWERS DOOR UNSUSPECTINGLY TO FIND A DELIVERY MAN HAND HIM A HAT BOX. RICKY SHUTS DOOR AND WALKS SLOWLY TO LUCY)
LUCY: Well they certainly have fast delivery. They have very good service there.
(RICKY UNWRAPS PACKAGE AND HOLDS HAT IN FRONT OF LUCY)
LUCY: Yeah, that's the one I ordered alright.
RICKY: Lucy?
LUCY: Yes sir.
RICKY: When did you buy this hat?
LUCY: How's that?
RICKY: When did you buy this hat?
LUCY: Remember you learned your lesson.
RICKY: I remember. When did you buy the hat?
LUCY: Yesterday afternoon.
RICKY: Yesterday afternoon?
LUCY: Yes sir.
RICKY: (CHUCKLES) You bought the hat yesterday afternoon.
LUCY: Yeah.
(RICKY LAUGHS OUT LOUD CAUSING LUCY TO LAUGH)
RICKY: That means that you lost the bet yesterday.
LUCY: Yeah (CHUCKLES) I guess it does. (THEY BOTH LAUGH)
RICKY: And, you made me go through all that torture for nothin'?
LUCY: Yeah I guess I did (THEY BOTH LAUGH AGAIN)
RICKY: (CONTINUES TO LAUGH AND CASUALLY PUTS LEG UP ON TABLE AND PUTS HAND ON LUCY'S BACK) ..Oh, that's a killer (THEN PUSHES HER OVER LEG AND SPANKS HER.)
LUCY: Ah! Oh! Oh! Ricky!
(END SCENE)
(END SHOW)