The Class Transcripts
THE CLASS
1x05: The Class Gets Frozen Yogurt
Original Airdate: Monday, October 16, 2006 on CBS
Written by: Steven Molaro
Directed by: James Burrows
Transcribed exclusively for TVTDB.com
By: The Jellybean 66
Edited by: Pennywise
Narrator voiceover:
If you missed The Class, here's what you missed...
Kyle broke the news to Holly that her daughter didn't get into the school where he teaches...
HOLLY: This is devastating!
But the truth was, he just thought Holly would be too annoying to have around.
KYLE: Oh, my God! Dealing with Holly everyday?!
AARON: So you lied?
KYLE: Yeah...and I pulled her application.
Richie and Lina had a wonderful date...
RICHIE: I don't deserve you.
And here's why he doesn't deserve her...
Richie sits on his bed and starts to undo his shoes. A woman asleep in the bed sits up and turns around...
FERN: Where were you?
RICHIE: I had to work a double shift. Just go back to sleep. (she turns back around and goes to sleep)
And that's all you need to know.
Episode starts with the third grade class photo and zooms in on young Richie Velch. It fades to a grown up Richie in his apartment; he's in bed...
FERN: Hey!...Hey!...(she flicks Richie on his forehead) Hey! There's a rat in the refridgerator!
RICHIE: Is it dead?
FERN: Well, it didn't move when I poked it with your toothbrush.
RICHIE: So, what do we do? Call a, call a rat guy?
FERN: What are you an idiot? We can't afford a rat guy! (Fern stares at Richie) You're not aging well.
RICHIE: Have to say I didn't see that one coming.
FERN: (annoyed) I gotta get to work.
RICHIE: (frustrated) So, what do you want me to do?
FERN: (sarcastically) Oh, I don't know, maybe you can get off your freckly ass and clean out the refrigerator? Idiot. (she walks out the door)
RICHIE: You complete me.
Opening theme
Scene: Kat is wheeling Lina to her desk at work...
KAT: So, which little box do they keep you in?
LINA: That one, over there.
KAT: Hey, where's the guy who has all the affairs?
LINA: Would you sshhh?! Thanks again for bringing me up.
KAT: Yep. Call me if you need me. (she gives Lina a goodbye kiss)
LINA: I'll be fine.
KAT: (as she passes by someone's desk) Oh, post-its!
Lina's phone rings and she has a hard time picking up because her wheelchair prevents her from being able to reach that far. She finally picks up by pulling on the cord...
LINA: Scott Gordon's office.
CALLER: Hello, uh, can you connect me to Human Resources?
LINA: Are you kidding? I don't even know how I'm gonna hang up!
Scene: Holly, Perry and Oprah are in their dining room.
HOLLY: Oprah, Mommy and Daddy have some very sad news.
PERRY: You remember that school we went to visit? Pembridge Academy?
HOLLY: Well, I'm afraid you won't be going there.
OPRAH: Okay.
HOLLY: Do you understand what Mommy is saying?
OPRAH: Yeah.
HOLLY: (to Perry) I don't think she's getting this.
PERRY: I think she's just being strong. She's our little candle in the wind.
Scene: Kat and Ethan are on line at a yogurt place.
KAT: (to the server) Give me a taste of the French vanilla.
ETHAN: (from behind Kat on line) I usually get chocolate sprinkles; today I may go rainbow.
KAT: (she turns around to face Ethan) It's exciting going behind the scenes of your order. (she turns back around to the server and samples the French vanilla) Um, let me try the peach.
ETHAN: So, three samples huh? That's good, you wouldn't want to make a cruscial yogurt error.
KAT: (after trying the peach sample) Try the banana.
ETHAN: So, four tastes huh? Maybe they could uh, shut this place down for an hour so you can really do this right?
SERVER: (hands the banana sample to Kat) So, what can I get you?
KAT: You know I'm not sure yet. You know, I think I gotta try a taste of the pistachio.
ETHAN: It's funny, I'm just trying to think of a time when you weren't tasting yogurt.
(The server hands Kat a sample of the pistachio yogurt)
SERVER: Ready to order yet?
KAT: You know what? (she puts down the empty sample cup) I'm good. (she walks away leaving Ethan with his mouth open in disbelief)
Scene: At Lina's apartment, Duncan is installing wheelchair ramps.
RICHIE: Thanks again for the ramps.
DUNCAN: Yeah, no problem. Ramps are like the first thing I ever built.
RICHIE: No kidding?
DUNCAN: Yeah. I built one so my brother could jump his bike off the garage and then right after that I learned to build the wheelchair kind.
RICHIE: Well, these are gonna help her a lot.
DUNCAN: So, uh, you and Lina Warbler...huh?
RICHIE: Yeah. She's amazing. There's like, no bad in her.
DUNCAN: Wow. I like a little bad. Anyway, I'm all done.
RICHIE: Great, here. (he hands Duncan a check)
DUNCAN: Oh, thanks.
RICHIE: Would you mind not cashing that right away?
DUNCAN: Yeah, sure. How long you want me to wait?
RICHIE: Uh, let's see, today's Monday...so I'm thinking...March?
DUNCAN: You okay man?
RICHIE: Yeah, yeah, I'm just – I'm in debt and I, I've got this awful job.
DUNCAN: Really? I thought you were like a scientist.
RICHIE: I was. Now I drive toxic waste to a landfill in New Jersey...
DUNCAN: Huh. Well, maybe you'll end up with super powers?
RICHIE: Sure. Look, up in the sky, it's a tumor!
DUNCAN: You know, I just started this great job; if you want, you could come work with me.
RICHIE: Oh, I don't --
DUNCAN: Nah, you ever do construction?
RICHIE: No,
DUNCAN: You good with tools?
RICHIE: No.
DUNCAN: Good with your hands?
RICHIE: No.
DUNCAN: Do you like driving toxic waste?
RICHIE: No.
DUNCAN: Meet me half way, I'm just trying to help you.
RICHIE: Okay, I'll do it.
DUNCAN: Great. So you got your own tools?
RICHIE: I've got a Bunsen burner.
DUNCAN: Strap that bad boy to your belt! I'll see you tomorrow.
Scene: At Lina's job...her intercom buzzer goes off.
Scott Gordon: Uh, Lina, could you bring me the Brenan file please?
LINA: Brenan file, coming right up. (she wheels over to the filing cabinet but can't reach the top drawer since her legs are in the way. She manages to open the drawer but in the process she hits her head with it. She reaches in and tries to pull out the file)
Scott Gordon: How we doing out there?
LINA: Just a second! (she pulls out a file and looks at it) Brenan...YES!
Scene: Holly visits Kyle at Pembridge Academy.
KYLE: Hey! What are you doing here?
HOLLY: Okay, Perry and I decided we are just not ready to give up on getting Oprah in here, so I have an appointment with the headmaster.
KYLE: Oh, I don't think that's the way to go. I mean, once the headmaster makes his mind up..
HOLLY: Oh really?
KYLE: Mmm-hmm.
HOLLY: Let's see what he says when I tell him channel nine might be doing an expose on the horrors of private schools.
KYLE: What are the horrors?
HOLLY: Please. It's local news. We just make stuff up!
KYLE: Okay, look, uh, um, uh, I don't think you're going to be able to intimidate the headmaster.
HOLLY: Well, can't hurt to try. (she walks away towards the door)
KYLE: Holly wait!
HOLLY: What?
KYLE: Uh, here (he pulls one of the student's seats out for her) sit down...um, you know when uh, I told you that uh, we couldn't get Oprah in here because of the school's diversity policy?
HOLLY: Yeah?
KYLE: Well, uh, I kinda made that up.
HOLLY: But why?
KYLE: (sighs) Okay, see, if Oprah were to be here every day, then you'd be here every day.
HOLLY: Uh-huh...
KYLE: Um, see, if you were here every day then, I thought that that might make things difficult for me because...
HOLLY: Oh, God...do you still have feelings for me?
KYLE: Yes.
Scene: Ethan and Kat, back at the yogurt store...
ETHAN: Who eats a bunch of samples and then walks away? It's just wrong.
KAT: Come on...people do it all the time.
ETHAN: Uh, I don't!
KAT: Of course you don't. You couldn't.
ETHAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa...did you just call me out over my inability to ask for yogurt samples?
KAT: Ah-ha...You couldn't do it 'cause you care too much what other people think. You need to be liked too much.
ETHAN: (scoffs) I do not!
KAT: It's okay. It's cute.
KAT: ETHAN: Screw you.
KAT: Aw...still cute, like a cartoon deer.
ETHAN: Fine. Tomorrow we will come back and I will ask for five yogurt samples.
KAT: Ten.
ETHAN: Ten?
KAT: Aw, look at Bambi!
ETHAN: Alright. Ten! Game on. Yes, yogurt tasting game on! (they both leave)
Scene: Richie and Duncan and Nicole and Yonk's house
DUNCAN: This is a nail gun. It can drive thirty nails per minute straight thru concrete. (he hands gun to Richie but he doesn't take it)
RICHIE: You sure you don't need me to see if there's more stuff's level? I like to stick to the little bubble (he reluctantly takes the nail gun from Duncan)
NICOLE: Hey.
DUNCAN: Oh, hey, Nicole, you uh, you remember Richie Velch, he went to school with us.
Richie, the one who used to carry around the light saber?
RICHIE: No, that was Roland Ferber.
NICOLE: Oh, sorry...
RICHIE: It's okay. People used to beat us up for each other all the time.
DUNCAN: Richie's gonna be helping me out here.
NICOLE: Oh, well, great! It's nice to see you again.
RICHIE: Nice to see – (nail gun goes off) Well, apparently it's on!
Scene: Next day, Kat and Ethan arrive at the yogurt store again.
KAT: Okay, you will ask for ten samples; as there are only nine flavors, you gotta ask for one twice. There will be no apologizing and at no time can you explain what you're doing.
ETHAN: You're really having fun aren't ya?
KAT: It's like Christmas.
ETHAN: Uh-huh, ten samples. Here we go. (they walk into the yogurt shop)
SERVER: What can I getcha?
ETHAN: Uh, how about a taste of that French vanilla? (server gets the sample) Oh yeah, it's on. (a woman walks in with her child)
WOMAN: Honey, I know you're sad but Champ's in doggie heaven now.
Child: I know.
WOMAN: Think a little frozen yogurt'll make you feel better.
Child: I want chocolate.
WOMAN: Okay, soon as this nice man is done.
KAT: (singsong) Awesome...
ETHAN: (to woman) Oh, uh, he can, he can go in front of me.
WOMAN: Aw, thank you...so much. (Kat shows him her pad with the game rules)
ETHAN: Oh, uh, wait...actually, he can't go in front of me.
WOMAN: Why not?
ETHAN: (he looks at Kat with an uneasy look) 'Cause, I don't care what people think.
Scene: Lina at her job. She's carrying a 5 gallon jug of water and attempts to put it in the water cooler but she ends up spilling some. A co-worker runs over to help her...
Co-Worker: Oh, let me give you a hand...
LINA: No, no. I can do everything before. (she continues to struggle to put the jug on and she does but not without spilling a lot of it) There we go. Water?
Co-Worker: No, thank you.
Scene: Kyle and Aaron in their livingroom.
KYLE: Ugh, it was horrible! Holly was looking at me like, 'why wouldn't you want me at the school'? How could I tell her she's just a giant pain in the ass?
AARON: (raises his hand) I'll do it.
KYLE: And I should have, I know; but I didn't. And now she thinks I have feelings for her.
AARON: (playfully) Do you?
KYLE: Oh yeah, I'm all about the chicks now. (doorbell rings and Kyle opens the door. Perry steps in) Perry!?
PERRY: Well, I am fit to be tied! (to Aaron) This is just between Kyle and me, you and I are fine.
AARON: Thank God. (he gets up and walks away)
KYLE: Uh, so, um, what's up?
PERRY: A little bird told me that you have feelings for my wife.
KYLE: Okay, look –
PERRY: You know what? I don't care! I don't care what your feelings are; that's your problem. We all have feelings we don't want. And you know what we do with them? We push them right down!
KYLE: Look, Perry...
PERRY: Still my turn! I mean, if I see a beautiful woman on the street, do you think I let it affect me?
KYLE: I'm guessing you don't.
PERRY: You're darned right mister! And what makes this even worse is that you have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, fellow right in there. (Perry gets a look of longing)
KYLE: Okay, look Perry, you have my word; this will never be an issue again.
PERRY: Well, I hope not. But that's not why I'm here. You're a teacher; you're supposed to put the children first. And who's the one person who's really getting hurt here? (he reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out his wallet and shows Kyle a picture) This precious little girl.
KYLE: You're right.
PERRY: Oh, wait a minute, there's a better one, I hate that sweater...
Scene: Back at the yogurt store, Ethan is sucking on yet another sample as the line has now grown...
ETHAN: Uh, let's see...how about a little taste of the butterscotch?
SERVER: You do know the yogurt is also for sale?
ETHAN: I am aware.
WOMAN: Unbelievable!
KAT: They hate you! (Ethan grimaces) Can you feel it? They're trying to kill you with their minds! (Ethan sucks on the butterscotch sample)
ETHAN: Uh, let's try the peanut butter...again?
People on the line: (groaning) Aw....
SERVER: This may take a minute. I have to get more tiny cups.
KAT: Hey, you made it all the way to nine; I'm very impressed!
ETHAN: Nine? This is ten!
KAT: No, I don't think that that's –
ETHAN: French vanilla, chocolate, butterscotch, peanut butter, pumpkin, egg nog; which by the way is disgusting... banana fana, pistacho, peach, and peanut butter number two makes ten, now back off!! (server returns with a little cup of peanut butter yogurt)
SERVER: (sarcastically) Enjoy!
ETHAN: Okay. (he eats the sample)
SERVER: Sir, these customers have been waiting; I need you to order.
Ethan turns around to look at Kat
ETHAN: I can't do it!
KAT: What?
ETHAN: I have to buy something; I can't be this much of a jackass!
KAT: Yes...you...can! Look how far you've come! I didn't think you could make it to ten; I didn't even think you could make it to two! But you showed me something today! You showed me that somewhere underneath this sweet 'like me, like me' exterior, there is a man! A man capable of outrageous insensitivity!
ETHAN: Really?
KAT: You walked in here a cartoon deer; but you're walking out a giant jackass! Now take it home!
ETHAN: Okay.
SERVER: (firmly) Sir, I need your order.
ETHAN: You know what? I'm good. (Ethan and Kat walk out of the yogurt shop)
Child: What a schmuck!
ETHAN: You better believe it!
Scene: Nicole and Yonk's home; Richie is on his mobile talking to Lina.
RICHIE: So, how is your day?
LINA: I flooded the office.
RICHIE: Really? I started a small electrical fire.
LINA: Wait! I could have put you out!
NICOLE: Hey.
DUNCAN: Hey. We're uh, we're almost done so...I'll see you tomorrow.
NICOLE: Actually, Yonk's taking me to New York for the weekend.
DUNCAN: (disappointed) Oh, nice.
NICOLE: Yeah.
DUNCAN: Remember when I took you for your birthday?
NICOLE: I do. You took me to that French restaurant.
DUNCAN: Yeah, I was a class act.
NICOLE: And you tried to be so sophisticated. I couldn't believe you ate lamb tongues!
DUNCAN: I what?
NICOLE: Or chicken...let's say chicken.
DUNCAN: You're damn right it was chicken.
NICOLE: I loved that night. It was the best birthday ever. You were so sweet... (Nicole's mobile rings and she picks up) Hey honey. Yeah, I'm leaving right now...Okay, I'll see you there...I love you, too. (she hangs up the mobile) I should go.
DUNCAN: Yeah. (Nicole walks towards the front door) Have a good one! (she waves and leaves)
LINA: (still on the phone with Richie) So, can I see you tonight?
RICHIE: Yeah, that'd be great. Maybe we could uh, (mobile beeps for another incoming call) Hang on, hang on a second. (he picks up the call) Hello?
FERN: It's me.
RICHIE: Right, uh, looks like I may have to work late tonight.
FERN: No, you can't. I found a cheap rat guy. You have to be there to let him in. Oh, and tell him I saw something scurrying on your side of the bed. It caught my eye because it's been so long since anything's moved over there.
RICHIE: Got it. (he switches lines, back to Lina) Lina, hey, I'm sorry, I just remembered, I can't tonight I've got a conflict.
LINA: Oh, that's okay.
RICHIE: Uh, I'll call you later alright?
LINA: Okay, have fun.
RICHIE: Nope, bye.
DUNCAN: You okay?
RICHIE: I've been better.
DUNCAN: Yeah, me too. Didja, did you want to talk about it?
RICHIE: I, I can't
DUNCAN: Yeah, I can't talk about my stuff either...(pause) But it's like, there's this thing, and I want it so much; but then there's this other thing that's totally in the way.
RICHIE: I have a thing too.
DUNCAN: Do you also have a thing that's in the way?
RICHIE: I do have a thing in the way!
DUNCAN: And the thing you want –
RICHIE: ...is incredible!
DUNCAN: My thing's incredible too. And then, there's this other thing...
RICHIE: I hate the other thing...
DUNCAN: Wouldn't it be great if somehow, the other thing, was just gone, and you could be with the thing that you want?
RICHIE: Ugh, that would be amazing.
DUNCAN: Yeah.
RICHIE: Just us and our things.
DUNCAN: Ya know, it's, it's good to having you here.
RICHIE: Yeah?
DUNCAN: It's, it's good to almost tell you stuff.
RICHIE: You too.
Scene: At Holly and Perry's home...
PERRY: (singsong) Honey, someone here to see you and he has some news! Good news...
HOLLY: (to Kyle) Hi!
KYLE: Hey. I can't stay long, Aaron's waiting in the car.
PERRY: Oh, maybe I'll go say hello.
KYLE: Um, uh, listen, I, I just wanted to apologize again
HOLLY: Oh...
KYLE: I also wanted to let you know that I pulled some strings and I got Oprah into the school.
HOLLY: Are you serious?
KYLE: Yep, she's in and she's gonna be in my class.
HOLLY: Oh my God! You did that?
KYLE: I did.
HOLLY: Thank you so much! (she hugs Kyle) Oh, God...(she pulls away) Is it weird? Me hugging you?
KYLE: I'm okay. Really.
HOLLY: I'm sorry Kyle, I just...don't feel what you feel --
KYLE: Alright, stop, stop, stop...listen, I look, I have to tell you the real reason why I didn't you around at the school.
HOLLY: Okay.
KYLE: It's just that – you're one of those moms you know, you're, you're high maintenance and, and kind of intense and honestly, I thought you'd be too much of a pain in the ass to deal with everyday!
HOLLY: Okay...if that's what you need me to believe.
KYLE: No, no, no...that's really what it is.
HOLLY: That's fine. You're not attracted to me...I'm a pain in the ass. You really can't get over me can you?
KYLE: (defeated tone) No. (he starts to walk away) So, I'm gonna take those feelings and push them right down! (he exits)
Scene: Richie is at his apartment when his mobile rings.
RICHIE: Hello.
LINA: Hi, it's me again.
RICHIE: Hey.
LINA: I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You sounded so down before.
RICHIE: No, I'm, I'm just, I'm sad because I'm, I'm not going to see you. I, I miss you.
Well, I miss you too and-- oh, hang on a second...uh, excuse me? (the cleaning lady rolling her cart by happens to be Fern Velch)
FERN: Yep?
RICHIE: I'm so sorry but I kind of made a bit of a mess over there, you may need a mop.
FERN: No problem, believe me, I'm in no rush to get home.
Scene: Ethan is in bed thinking to himself...
ETHAN: I did it...I was a jackass today! A huge jackass! That kid's dog died and I made him wait! (smiles to himself) That kid's dog died, and I made him wait...Oh my God! How could I do that in front of all those people??
KAT: That's right...they all hate you...
ETHAN: (terrified) Get out of my head!!