The Class Transcripts
THE CLASS
1x17: The Class Springs a Leak
Original Airdate: Monday, February 19, 2007 on CBS
Written by: Jeffrey Klarik & David Crane
Directed by: James Burrows
Transcribed exclusively for TVTDB.com
By: The Jellybean 66
Edited by: Pennywise
Scene: Duncan and Richie in Nicole and Yonk's living room. Richie attempts to sand a piece of wood but when he puts the sander down, it flies off...
RICHIE: Smooth enough.
Nicole enters
NICOLE: Hey, I got cupcakes!
DUNCAN:
RICHIE: I'm not so hungry.
NICOLE: Didn't bake 'em; just bought 'em.
RICHIE: I'll have one!
DUNCAN: Sounds good.
NICOLE: So, uh, listen, I want to give you guys a heads up; there's a reporter and a photographer coming on Saturday to do a story about Yonk, so if you guys can get your stuff out of the living room, that would be great.
DUNCAN: Actually, we should be out of everywhere by then.
NICOLE: What do mean?
DUNCAN: Gonna be done by the end of the week.
NICOLE: (stunned) Wait...done??
DUNCAN: Done.
NICOLE: You did everything you had to do?
DUNCAN: I did.
NICOLE: And redid everything Richie did?
RICHIE: He did.
NICOLE: So...you're done!
DUNCAN: By Saturday. Should be.
NICOLE: (scoffs) Well, that's super! (scoffs) Not having to wake up to you guys every morning...finally getting a little peace and quiet around here...yup, it's gonna be nice and quiet...
RICHIE: Need a cupcake? (he reaches down for the plate)
NICOLE: I think I do! (she takes a cupcake and bites into it as she walks away)
RICHIE: Are you eating paper?
NICOLE: Uh huh!
Opening theme
Scene starts with Ethan Haas' third grade picture and cuts to a grown up Ethan having a meal with Palmer, Kyle and Kat...
ETHAN: So, where is Benjamin these days?
KAT: Playing concerts in Europe.
PALMER: I always think the would Europe sounds gross, like, 'I drank too much and now I'm going to Europe'
KAT: You know, sometimes you can do thinkin' without sayin'.
PALMER: (giggles and then looks at Ethan's watch) Oh, I gotta go! I have a meeting with some magazine people. Bye you guys. (to Ethan as she leans down to kiss him goodbye) Bye Boo! (Palmer giggles)
KYLE: See ya. (To Ethan) She's so sweet.
ETHAN: Yeah...I'm uh, (pauses) breaking up with her today.
KAT: (enthusiastically, as she throws her arms in the air) Finally! (she looks at Ethan) Or...no!
KYLE: Why, uh, did something happen? Boo?
ETHAN: No! And she's really great. It's just she's -
KAT: Ditsy? Vaccuous? Incipid? Dim?
ETHAN: No! She is not dim! (to Kyle) You don't think she's dim do you?
KYLE: Well, uh, she's not the sharpest tool in the shed.
KAT: She's not the sharpest tool in the Nerf factory!
KYLE: Why do you want to break up with her?
ETHAN: I don't feel like it can go much further. We don't have a real connection, you know? I mean, don't you want the person you're with to be like your best friend?
KAT: Or at least know the moon isn't a planet?
ETHAN: Come on, it's round, it's in the sky...cut her some slack!
Scene: Yonk and Nicole's living room. Duncan is packing up his things.
NICOLE: So, uh, today is really it huh?
DUNCAN: Yeah, can you believe it? (Duncan walks out the door with a box)
NICOLE: (to Richie) He seems okay with it.
RICHIE: Yeah, as far as I can tell.
NICOLE: I'm okay too.
RICHIE: Great!
NICOLE: You know, is it gonna be weird not seeing him every day sure...but it's not like you're taking away air! (she chuckles nervously) I don't need him to live...(she chuckles nervously again) it's just...
RICHIE: Okay.
NICOLE: Okay. (Richie walks towards the front door as Kat is coming in)
KAT: (to Richie) Hey. (to Nicole) Hey, Nicole.
NICOLE: Oh hey, come on in.
RICHIE: What are you doing here?
KAT: Just taking Yonk's picture for the paper.
NICOLE: Yeah, Lina set it up. I'm so glad it worked out.
Yonk walks out into the livingroom
YONK: (to Kat) Hey, you the picture lady?
KAT: (she lifts up her camera) Well, I am holding the picture machine.
YONK: Shoot! Nic, will you run and get me my Super Bowl ring?
NICOLE: Yeah, sure.
KAT: Actually, they just want a picture of your head and shoulders so your ring won't even be in the shot.
YONK: What if I go like this? (He puts his hand up on his face)
KAT: Yeah...don't do that.
YONK: Okay, well, tie or no tie?
KAT: I don't care.
YONK: Well, if you had to choose.
KAT: Okay, look, this is just a freelance gig to pay the bills, alright? Last week they had me out in Morgantown taking a picture of a sinkhole so, please don't take this the wrong way but to me you are a talking sinkhole.
YONK: You're a little firecracker aren't ya?
KAT: Yes. That is what I am.
YONK: Alright, how do we want me posed? Football or no football, 'cause I can --
Kat snaps a few shots while Yonk talks
KAT: And we're done.
YONK: Wait! I-I think I blinked.
KAT: Well, pick up a paper tomorrow and find out! (she exits)
Scene: Ethan is pacing in his living room when he hears a knock at the door...
PALMER: It's me! (Ethan walks slowly to the door and opens it)
ETHAN: Hey.
PALMER: (she hugs Ethan) You're not going to believe it! Philadelphia magazine bought my idea for the August cover!
ETHAN: Oh my God!
PALMER: They loved it! It's gonna be all these different fruits dressed in little bathing suits sunning themselves at the beach; but they're all gonna by dry. Prunes and raisins and apricots!
ETHAN: Aw, that's really clever!
PALMER: I know! And it's the cover! I'm so happy.
ETHAN: I'm - I'm happy you're happy.
PALMER: And I owe it all to you.
ETHAN: (puzzled) To me?
PALMER: Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when we made love all the different ways you wanted?
ETHAN: Uh, think I might...
PALMER: And afterwards you said 'Oh my God, there's nothing you won't do!' and I thought, 'he's right!' I am capable of anything! There is nothing I won't do!
ETHAN: Wow! Okay...
PALMER: So, uh, we should celebrate. Um, I was thinking we could uh, get some beers, pizza and watch the Sixers game naked?
ETHAN: Hey, it's your special day.
They hug and as they pull away, Palmer looks at Ethan
PALMER: What?
ETHAN: It's just...you're really great and...I'm really dumb.
PALMER: (touched by his sentiment) Oh, I usually hear it the other way!
Scene: Back at Nicole's...
REPORTER: So, clearly, you are still in very good physical shape.
YONK: Hey, I can still bench press 280 right darlin'?
NICOLE: He makes me watch.
YONK: And I've got this crazy cholesterol, so Eileen here (Nicole scoffs) makes sure that I only eat - (he turns to Nicole) what?
NICOLE: You uh, you called me Eileen.
YONK: No! (Nicole nods) I did? (the reporter nods and then he turns to look at Nicole again) Come on! (to the reporter) Eileen was my second wife, she was a big ol' stripper! Where was I?
REPORTER: Uh, you were cholesterol
YONK: Oh, right. So, Eileen here makes sure that I eat - (he turns to Nicole)Did I just do it again?
NICOLE: You sure did!
YONK: (laughing) Well, that's what you get for being the third wife! I tell you what, I promise I'll call the next one 'Nicole' (laughs hysterically)
NICOLE: (with a forced laugh) So funny...
Duncan and Richie enter the living room
DUNCAN: Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt, just wanna let you know that we're going.
YONK: Uh, is this for good?
DUNCAN: It's for good.
YONK: (extends his arm out and shakes hands with Richie) Rich... (shakes Duncan's hand) Dunc, been a real pleasure.
NICOLE: Sure. Their names he remembers. (Duncan and Richie head for the door and Nicole turns to the reporter) Excuse me a minute. (she gets up and follows the guys to the door) So, um, this is it.
DUNCAN: Yeah, we'll see each other around.
NICOLE: Yeah, totally.
(uncomfortable pause)
DUNCAN: What?
NICOLE: I just wanted to say...(she turns around to look at Yonk) I don't know if you realize how much -
YONK: Sweetheart, where was that restaurant where that crippled busboy was so excited to see me that he peed hisself?
NICOLE: One sec. (she turns around to Duncan again) I have to -
DUNCAN: Right. (Duncan leaves and Nicole rejoins Yonk and the reporter by standing behind the couch where Yonk is sitting)
NICOLE: It was Miami...on our honeymoon.
YONK: That's right...that kid was so excited, it was the highlight of our trip.
Nicole turns around too look at the door with a sad face
Scene: Kyle runs into Palmer at the grocery store...
KYLE: Oh, hey!
PALMER: Oh, hi.
KYLE: (with a sad tone) Oh. How're you doing?
PALMER: I know, I look like crap. I didn't sleep at all last night.
KYLE: Sure. (Palmer gets a puzzled look on her face) Ethan told me he was going to - Anyway, I'm really sorry. Break ups suck.
PALMER: What?
KYLE: What?
PALMER: What?!
KYLE: What?!
PALMER: Ethan's breaking up with me?!
KYLE: No!
PALMER: But you just said -
KYLE: Well, well, because y-you said that you didn't sleep!
PALMER: I didn't sleep because I had too much coffee.
KYLE: (nervously) Well, you should have said so! That's not fair! I mean, that's not fair to me!
PALMER: Ugh! I can't believe that he wants to break up with me!
KYLE: No, no! He didn't say he wanted to break up with you...he said that he wanted to wake up with you. (Palmer looks at him puzzled) Yeah, it's a loving thing. That's our Boo!
PALMER: Do you think that I'm stupid?
KYLE: Not anymore.
Scene: Ethan is in his apartment when the phone rings...
ETHAN: Hello?
KYLE: So...what happened with Palmer yesterday?
ETHAN: Oh! I decided not to do it.
KYLE: You don't say. (there's a knock on Ethan's door)
ETHAN: Hang on, someone's at the door
KYLE: Is it Palmer?
ETHAN: Who is it?
PALMER: Palmer!
ETHAN: (to Kyle) It's Palmer.
KYLE: Don't let her in!
ETHAN: Why?
KYLE: Because uh, I uh, I just ran into her at the store and (he chuckles nervously) I thought that you had already broken up with her.
ETHAN: What?!
Scene: Back at Yonk and Nicole's...Nicole walks out into the livingroom and looks around as Yonk comes in thru the front door; he's carrying a few copies of the newspaper.
YONK: Check it out! Front page of the sports section.
NICOLE: Oh, let me see!
YONK: Yeah...(opens up one of the papers and starts to read) 'Twenty years ago, Yonk Allen was arguably one of the greatest quarterbacks to grace the gridiron'. 'Arguably'? I don't think so.
NICOLE: (she sits down next to Yonk and continues reading) 'Today he sits in the livingroom of his lavish Gladwynn home with his wife, Eileen... '
YONK: '...surrounded by the trophies and momentos of his former -'
NICOLE: Go back!
YONK: What? Oh! Eileen! (laughs) I guess 'cause I said it so many times. (he continues to chuckle while he reads as Nicole gets up from the couch, clearly hurt)
NICOLE: I can't believe it! Everyone we know is going to be reading this. (Yonk continues to laugh harder) It's not funny!
YONK: Well, it's a little funny.
NICOLE: How is this funny?
YONK: I can't explain it. You either get it or you don't. You know who's gonna get a kick out of this?
NICOLE: Eileen?
YONK: Eileen! (still laughing) I gotta go call her! She is gonna bust a gut!
Scene: Back at Ethan's, Palmer and he discuss what happened with Kyle.
PALMER: But why would you tell Kyle you were going to break up with me if you weren't going to break up with me?
ETHAN: Okay! I was! But just for like a second! It was a momentary lapse of sanity! Like in eighth grade when I got a perm! It made me taller but not cooler!
PALMER: But, why did you want to break up?
ETHAN: I don't know. I got all in my head and started asking these stupid questions like, 'are we right for each other?' and 'is this the one?'
PALMER: Wow...I just...You know, I don't think about stuff like that!
ETHAN: Which is great about you!
PALMER: But now that I am thinking about it, I-I see what you mean.
ETHAN: So, maybe stop thinking about it.
PALMER: I wish that I could but my brain is too smart for me. Now I'm all, 'where is this going'? Do we have a future? What will cars look like then? Maybe, maybe you're right. Maybe it is time to end this.
ETHAN: Really?
PALMER: I mean, we have a lot of fun but, there's gotta be more.
ETHAN: Yeah, okay.
PALMER: I should go.
ETHAN: Are you sure about this?
PALMER: Yeah. (she walks towards the door) It's funny I, uh, I always figured that if you ever broke up with me it's 'cause you're in love with Kat.
ETHAN: (scoffs) What? Me and Kat? No! (scoffs) That's crazy! That's...
PALMER: Okay. I'm gonna miss you.
ETHAN: Me too. (they kiss each other on the cheek and she walks out. Ethan is about to close the door...) Uh, Palmer?
PALMER: Yeah?
ETHAN: Uh, when- when you say 'me and Kat', where are you getting that?
PALMER: I don't know, it just seems like you guys are totally right for each other.
ETHAN: (pensive look on his face) Huh. Uh, anyway...take care.
PALMER: You too. (Palmer walks away. The front door is almost closed all the way when he opens it and he calls out to Palmer again)
ETHAN: Palmer?!
PALMER: Yes?
ETHAN: Just a quick follow up to that Kat question, uh, did she ever say anything to you?
PALMER: No, but it's so obvious.
ETHAN: Really? Interesting. Again, (he sighs) be well.
PALMER: You too. (Palmer walks away and Ethan closes the door and then quickly opens it again. Palmer is standing there...) There's a chemistry between you two. It feels like it was meant to be...what can I tell ya?!
ETHAN: Gotcha! So, listen, I do wish you -
PALMER: Yeah, yeah, yeah...we're good.
ETHAN: Okay.
Scene: Kat is sitting in her apartment; there's a knock on her door...
KAT: Come in! (Ethan enters) Hey what's up?
ETHAN: Just ended it with Palmer.
KAT: Did she uh, she understood what was going on?
ETHAN: I'm pretty sure.
KAT: Sorry. How about a hug?
ETHAN: (scoffs) You don't hug.
KAT: Hey! I give out like two or three a year. (Kat hugs Ethan, who eventually hugs her back. He runs his hand up and down her back) She wasn't for you.
ETHAN: (still hugging each other) No?
KAT: No. (they pull away from each other) We'll find you the right one though, you'll see. (she walks away to pour a glass of wine)
ETHAN: Uh, you know, it's funny you say that 'cause uh, Palmer said the craziest thing...
KAT: Oh yeah?
ETHAN: Yeah, she uh, (Kat hands him a glass of wine) she thought that uh - (Kat looks up at her front door)
KAT: Violin dude! What the hell are you doing here??
BENJAMIN: My concert was cancelled. I had to see you!
KAT: Yeah you did! (they kiss)
ETHAN: Right. Uh, you guys do that, uh...I'm just gonna...okay...(he puts down his glass and leaves)
Scene: Duncan and Richie at Lina's apartment
LINA: I can't believe you guys are done at Nicole's. So, what's your next job?
RICHIE: Uh, yeah, we haven't actually established whether my employment was just for this one project or -
DUNCAN: Ah, buddy what are you talking about? You're on the team.
RICHIE: Really? I'm on the team! Never been on a team before. Should have been on 'Mathletes' but...politics...
Duncan's mobile rings
DUNCAN: Hello? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...don't, don't freak out...okay, alright, we're on our way. (he hangs up) That was Nicole. Her house flooded, we gotta go. (Duncan gets up and runs out the door. Richie follows him and Lina follows Richie)
RICHIE: Um, Sweetie, this is kind of a team thing.
DUNCAN: (from the hallway) She can come.
RICHIE: (to Lina) It's cool, you can come.
Scene: Duncan, Richie and Lina arrive at Nicole's to see water falling from the ceiling.
LINA: Oh my God!
NICOLE: I got back from taking Yonk to the airport and it was just pouring out!
DUNCAN: Oh man, the pipe must have blown! Alright, I gotta grab a ladder you guys start emptying out those buckets. Rich, shut off the valve to the hot water line.
RICHIE: Got it! (he starts running thru the livingroom)
DUNCAN: Do you know where that is?
RICHIE: I do not!
LINA: (looking at the water, she calls to Nicole) Oh my God...come 'ere, come 'ere, come 'ere! (Nicole rushes over to look) Look right there! It's a rainbow!
Duncan arrives with a ladder and the water stops
DUNCAN: Richie found the valve!
LINA: That's why he's on the team.
DUNCAN: (as he climbs the ladder) What the hell happened here?
RICHIE: So, I found the valve and I turned it and apparently, there's a point where you're supposed to stop. (he holds out the valve)
DUNCAN: Wait a second, this doesn't make sense...the pipe didn't blow...it came loose at the joint but I know I tightened every one of these...(he turns to look at Richie) Unless somebody tightened them the wrong way!
RICHIE: I didn't do it! (quietly) I didn't...(even more quietly) I didn't...(mouths 'I didn't')
DUNCAN: (He starts coming down the ladder) Sorry buddy, but somebody loosened them and I know it wasn't me - (he looks over at Nicole)
NICOLE: Yeah, right, like I flooded my own house, are you crazy?
DUNCAN: Am I?
NICOLE: I didn't do it! (quietly) I didn't!...(more quietly) I didn't...(sheepishly) I did.
RICHIE: (to Lina) Thank God, I was sure it was me.
LINA: You, you flooded your own house?
NICOLE: Well, I didn't mean to do all of this...I just wanted something small but then water came pouring out and I couldn't stop it!
DUNCAN: How did you even know the pipe was up there?
NICOLE: Well, I've been watching you for six months!
RICHIE: (to Lina) I didn't know it was up there...
DUNCAN: Look at all this! What the hell were you thinking?!
NICOLE: I wasn't thinking! I just wanted to bring you back! (Duncan and Nicole look at each other and there's a long pause)
RICHIE: Uh, we're just gonna uh, fix this. (Richie and Lina walk away to fix the valve, leaving Duncan and Nicole alone)
NICOLE: I, I don't know what to say. I feel like an idiot. Just seeing you leave yesterday, I didn't know what to do.
DUNCAN: Look, just so you know, I'm not fixing this.
NICOLE: (quietly) No?
DUNCAN: No. I'll find you somebody good, but it is not gonna to be me. I, I, I can't do this anymore.
NICOLE: You can't do -
DUNCAN: This, this, this, us...this back and forth, you know, it's like, one day, something starts to happen and the next day, it's like nothing happened. Six months ago I said I could handle being around you and I was wrong. I've been busting my hump to get this house done just so I could get outta here.
NICOLE: Really?
DUNCAN: Are you kidding me?! I'm a contractor! I mean, who gets a job done on time?! With Richie helping?? (Nicole bows her head and there's a short pause) I love you. I love you so much that it like physically hurts. But I want all of you...I want all of you or I want nothing. Now you made it clear which one it is. (Duncan starts to walk away)
NICOLE: What if it's all?
DUNCAN: What?
NICOLE: You said it's all or nothing. So, what if it's all?
DUNCAN: What..are you saying...
NICOLE: I love you too...and I'm tired of pretending I don't. (she walks over and gives him a passionate kiss)
DUNCAN: Wait, wait, wait, wait...so what happens now? What, what about Yonk?
NICOLE: Well, he comes home tomorrow. I'll tell him I'm leaving.
DUNCAN: So, this is really happening? (Nicole nods as they embrace and kiss again as the water begins to fall on them)
RICHIE: I fixed it!!