The Office [US] Transcripts
The Office: An American Workplace
2x03: OFFICE OLYMPICS
Original Air Date (NBC): 04/OCT/2005
Writer: Michael Schur
Director: Paul Feig
Guest star: Creed Bratton (Creed), Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis), Angela Kinsey (Angela), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), Kate Flannery (Meredith) , Nancy Walls (Carol), Greg Daniels (Neighbor), John Bland (Bill)
Transcript by Nikki
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DISCLAIMER:
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"THE OFFICE" and other related entities are owned by NBC, blah blah blah
I do not own the characters in the story (if only)
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OPENING CREDITS
EXT. DUNDER MIFFLIN PARKING LOT
(It's still pre-dawn, only two cars are in the parking lot)
Michael: (VO) I'm an early bird and, I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms.
CUT TO MICHAEL IN HIS OFFICE
Michael: (looks at camera) So...
(There is a knock on the door, it's Ryan)
Michael: Ooh, breakfast.
Ryan: (holds a bag up) I got your sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
Michael: Yummy, yummy, thank you. Ryan. (takes bag)
Ryan: What was the thing, ah, you needed me to come in early for?
Michael: Um...the sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
(Ryan looks pissed)
Michael: But thank you, and why don't you just, take a couple of hours, office is yours. Home Alone, Risky Business. Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you wanna do.
Ryan: I'm just going to take a nap in my car until works starts. (leaves)
Michael: Okay.
(Michael takes the biscuits off, shows camera his egg, cheese, sausage sandwich)
Michael: Healtheir, gotta watch those carbs. (digs in)
CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a home owner. Investing in real estate.
(Camera zooms out to show Dwight behind Michael)
Dwight: Diversifying, smart. (continues to play with his tie)
Michael: Yes it is. Yes it is. It is very important to own property.
(Dwight nods at the camera)
Michael: Back in the olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property. And they'd throw you in the stocks, and humiliate you.
Dwight: And it worked.
Michael: Yes.
Dwight: They should bring the stocks back, people would obey the law, there'd be less trouble makers.
Michael: Maybe. (laughs)
CUT TO JIM'S DESK AREA
(Jim is working on some paper work, he sighs as he types something on his calculator)
(He starts tapping his calculator as his head starts to drop)
(Plop, he goes down face first into his desk)
(Pam laughs from reception as Jim lies there, motionless)
Pam: (VO) Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is, that it's up to me to revive him.
CUT TO RECEPTION AREA
(Jim walks up to the counter)
Pam: You see Dwight's coffee mug?
(Jim looks)
Jim: Mm hmm.
Pam: Sometimes, when he's not here, I try to throw stuff in it.
Jim: No way. (laughs)
(Jim tears a post-it note off of the counter)
Jim: Let's do this.
(Jim crumples it up at shoots, he misses)
Jim: Aw.
Pam: Here, try paper clips.
(Jim picks up a paper clip)
Pam: Ooh wait, this message, for Dwight.
Jim: Perfect.
(Jim crumples up the message and shoots, misses)
Jim: Oh.
Pam: Oh.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Dwight: You should go.
Michael: Yes, yes. Final walk through.
Dwight: Mm hmm.
Michael: Sign the papers at the condo.
Dwight: Will you have your lawyer there?
Michael: Ah, I don't need one.
Dwight: Can I be your representative?
Michael: I don't need a representative.
Dwight: I think I should be there.
Michael: No, no...
Dwight: No, I'm good, I can make sure things are up to code.
Michael: No, Dwight.
Dwight: Please, I'm always the guy you rely on at work. (hands Michael his phone)
Michael: Well, this isn't about work, this is closing on a condo. It's completely personal. (sips his coffee)
Dwight: So you're taking a personal day?
Michael: (clears throat) ...except that, this is about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement, in order to do work.
Dwight: Please? I'll make you proud.
Michael: Okay, fine, yes, you can come.
Dwight: Yes! As your representative?
Michael: As my associate.
Dwight: (looks at camera) Same thing.
Michael: No it is not.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic, famous teams. He's like Mozart, and I'm like...Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Pam and Jim are still throwing post-it notes at Dwight's cup)
(Michael exits his office followed by Dwight, Jim and Pam immediately cease throwing)
Michael: Ah, most honorable Pamera. (looks at camera) Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies.
Pam: You headed out?
Michael: Ah, we are, Dwight and I are headed to a big thing. So, why don't you have everybody work on their expense reports, and I'd like them in by the end of the day.
Pam: Okay.
Michael: Very good.
Pam: Have a great time.
Michael: We will. Um, did you do the thing I sent you about the magazines?
Pam: Yeah, I changed them to your new address.
Michael: Good, the 'Small Businessman'?
Pam: Yep.
Michael: (quietly) 'Maxim'? 'American Way'? 'Cracked'?
Pam: Yes, I changed your 'Cracked' magazine subscription.
Michael: How about Fine Arts? Aficionado...monthly?
(Pam shakes her head)
Michael: Okay, well could you get on that (glances at camera) cause I just don't read 'Cracked'. Thank you.
Pam: Yeah-
Michael: Okay, see you soon.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S CAR
Dwight: What kind of shocks you got on this baby?
Michael: I don't know, regular, normal ones. Nothing fancy. (glances at camera) Not my style.
(Dwight reaches for the roof latches)
Michael: What are you doing?
Dwight: I want to put the top down.
Michael: What are you, no, Dwight, it's 50 degrees outside, don't...please.
Dwight: But then no one can see us. (pushes the retract button)
Michael: I, just, would you put it up?
(The top retracts)
Michael: (sighs) Okay, fine, just, leave it down. (to Dwight) Whiner.
(Dwight puts on some dorky, wrap around sunglasses)
Dwight: Check it out...Terminator.
Michael: I do not understand what you spend your money on.
CUT BACK TO OFFICE
(Oscar flicks a paper football towards Kevin's desk, it knocks something down)
Kevin: Ooh.
(Jim walks up, Oscar and Kevin quickly go back to their work modes)
Jim: Hey Oscar, on these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter?
Oscar: Yeah, it's a terrible system, I know.
(Jim notices something on Oscar's desk)
Jim: What does 2005 Season mean? (laughs)
(Oscar laughs)
Jim: Wait a minute, what is this?
Oscar: It's a score board.
Jim: What?
Oscar: Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out...
Jim: Really?
Kevin: Or when we're bored.
(Jim uncovers the rest of the score board)
Jim: Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years!
Kevin: We're bored a lot.
(Cut to later, Jim is sitting in Oscar's chair flicking a paper football)
Jim: Oh!
Kevin: Oh!
Oscar: Sweet.
(Oscar gives Jim a high five)
Jim: Yes! So close.
(Jim knocks fists with Kevin)
Jim: I really love the, uh, paper triangle flicking and hitting things game.
Oscar: Yeah.
Kevin: We call it Hateball.
Jim: Why?
Kevin: Because of how much Angela hates it.
(Angela glares at Kevin)
Jim: Hey, do you guys have any other games?
Kevin: Sometimes we play, who can put the most M&Ms in their mouth.
Angela: YOU play that.
(Kevin glares at Angela)
Oscar: You should ask Toby, to teach you Dunder Ball.
CUT TO MICHAEL AND DWIGHT STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A STREET
Michael: Home sweet home.
Dwight: Which one's yours?
(Points at the house right in front of them)
Michael: Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a, swing from this tree, push 'em back and...wait. (turns around) No, it's this one, right here. Home sweet home.
CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE
(Jim is bouncing a ball off the wall to Toby, who is on the other side of a cubicle wall)
(Toby bounces it back, they go back and forth, Kelly is watching)
Jim: So that's what this sound is all day.
(Kelly laughs)
CUT TO INSIDE MICHAEL'S CONDO
Carol: Michael, this is Bill, he's the head of the condo association.
Michael: Oh, hey! How are you? Nice to meet you Bill.
(Dwight is walking around in the background)
Michael: Bill, Mr. Bill. (looks at the camera) Ooooh nooooo! Mr. Bill, oooooh! SNL? (no response) When they pull him apart? (still no response) He would always get rolled over by something.
Bill: N-Nice to meet you.
Michael: N-nice to meet you too.
Dwight: This is smaller than your old place.
Michael: Yeah, small. I'm buying it, that's why I'm not renting it. So it's still an upgrade. (smiles at Bill) He doesn't know anything about property ownership. (under his breath) Kind of an idiot. (to Dwight) Um...
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
(Dwight is outside standing against a wall)
Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm.
(Quick cut to Dwight holding up a picture of himself standing next to his cousin)
(Dwight is holding a rake, and his cousin is wearing a blue ribbon while holding up a large beet)
Dwight: (VO) I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to local stores...
CUT BACK TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: ...and restaurants. (smiling) It's a nice little farm. (frowns) Sometimes, teenagers use it for sex.
CUT BACK TO THE CONDO
Carol: Are we ready to sign some papers?
Dwight: Actually, no, we have a couple of questions. (stands next to Michael)
Michael: Um-
Dwight: About the neighborhood?
Bill: It's very safe, it's very clean, uh, also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles.
(Michael and Dwight nod at Bill, clueless)
Carol: It's a very gay friendly neighborhood.
(Michael and Dwight nod at Carol, still clueless)
Michael: Oh. Good, that's good. It's good to be accommodating of...that.
Dwight: Let's go check out the master bedroom.
CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE
(Jim is walking around)
Jim: Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. How about you? You got any games?
Stanley: Yeah, I got a game. It's called, work hard so my kids can go to college.
Jim: (beat) Fair enough. (looks at camera)
CUT TO THE CONDO
(Michael is running up the stairs)
Michael: (to camera) This my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings, those are like 17 feet high. We have cable readiness right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I'm going to put a surround sound system, I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall...
Dwight: Ooh. Terrible idea.
Michael: ...'cause I'm putting my bed right over here.
Dwight: No, no, no, no. This is a shared wall.
(Michael sighs)
Dwight: Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor, totally smashed.
Michael: Well, then I will get a warranty.
Dwight: Warranties don't cover it, plus they're a rip off.
Michael: Well, then I won't get a warranty.
Dwight: Shh, shh.
Michael: There's the problem, it's solved.
Dwight: Shh, shh!
Michael: What?
Dwight: Listen.
(You can hear a man's voice through the wall)
Man: ...I don't hear you practicing.
Dwight: Can you hear that? (puts his ear to the wall)
(Someone starts playing scales on what I think is a tuba)
Dwight: Oh man, these babies are thin.
(Michael looks a nervous)
CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE
(Jim, Kevin, Toby, Kelly, Pam, and Oscar are in the kitchen)
(Jim is lighting a candle and singing the Olympics theme)
(Pam is hanging a banner that reads, "Games of the 1st Dunder Mifflin Olympics")
(Kevin tries to sing along, Pam gives her best Vanna White presentation of the banner)
Jim: This scented candle, (fading) -andle -andle (like an echo) Which I found in the men's bathroom, room, room. Represents the eternal, burning, of, competition. Or something.
Kevin: It smells like cookies.
Jim: (serious) Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Okay, we will be competing for gold, silver, and bronze yogurt lids.
(Jim shakes the make shift medals around his arm. The medals are attached with a string of paperclips, quite ingenious)
Pam: Now, the bronze are really blue, and they're also the back side of the gold. So no flipping. Okay? Honor system.
(Angela walks in and goes straight to the fridge. Everybody is quiet. Angela grabs her lunch, and glares at everybody before leaving)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF ANGELA
Angela: I do play games. I sing. (Shows Angela holding up a kitten calendar, smiling) And I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.
CUT BACK TO KITCHEN
Jim: Let the games begin!
(Everybody claps, Jim starts singing the Olympics theme again)
CUT TO THE CONDO
(Michael, Dwight and Carol are in the kitchen)
Carol: And then I just need you to sign here at this arrow.
Dwight: What kind of mortgage did you get?
Michael: Ah, ten year.
Carol: Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total.
Michael: (stunned) What? Wha...you said ten.
Carol: Ten year fixed, over thirty, thirty year total.
Dwight: Whoa, thirty years.
Michael: Okay. Okay.
Dwight: Wow, you'll be paying this off in you mid 70s.
Michael: Alright.
Dwight: Forget about retiring when you're 65. Hey, I have an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that where the nurse can live.
(Michael starts breathing heavily)
Michael: Okay, alright. Ohhh boy.
Dwight: Well, this is it.
Carol: Whenever you're ready.
Michael: Yeah. Um. (His hand hits a range cover on the oven, it slides out of place) Oh. Okay, is that suppose to come off?
Carol: Actually, yeah.
Dwight: Hey cool! Look, carpenter ants.
Michael: I'm going to take a little, ah, breather, for a second. Excuse me.
Dwight: We'll be here, waiting for you.
Michael: Ah, man.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
(He is standing next to the thin wall, you can still hear the tuba)
Dwight: A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls, so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
CUT BACK TO THE CONDO KITCHEN
(Michael is on the patio with his hands on his knees)
Michael: Ohhh.
Carol: Whenever you're ready Michael.
Michael: Ohh.
CUT BACK TO THE OFFICE
(Everybody is in the conference room, some are already wearing medals)
(The camera tilts down to show boxes of reams of paper)
Jim: You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I'm blanking on the name, (turns to Pam) could you help me out Pam?
Pam: Jim, they refer to it as...Flonkerton.
Jim: Hmm.
Pam: In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.
Jim: Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: The thing about Jim is, when he's excited about something like the office Olympics, he gets really into it, and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so, that hardly ever happens.
CUT BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM
Jim: So, who will be challenging Kevin, in Flonkerton? Anyone?
Phyllis: (from the doorway) I'll do it.
Jim: Yes! Phyllis! (starts clapping)
(Jim bends down to one of the boxes)
Jim: (to Phyllis) Phyllis, if you'll just put your foot right through here. Right through the flonk.
CUT BACK TO THE CONDO
Michael: The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don't..
Carol: (looks around, confused) What?
Michael: I don't know if you showed me this same unit or not.
Carol: Michael, this is the unit you saw, and...
Michael: And where, where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles.
Carol: Who told you that?
Michael: And as far as I can tell I'm the best looking person here.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: There's a basic principle, in real estate. That you should never be the best looking person in the development. It's just sort of common sense. Because if you are, then, you got no place to go but down.
CUT BACK TO THE CONDO
Carol: Is this is a financial thing? If it's a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out their third bedroom.
Michael: No, no...
Carol: And that's some extra income for you.
Michael: No, no, no, no. I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am walking.
Carol: You will lose seven thousand dollars if you walk away right now.
Michael: (speechless) Uhhh....
CUT TO THE CONDO LIVING ROOM
(Michael and Dwight are sitting on the bare floor eating)
Michael: I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed. I'm a home owner. Right? It's good to be a home owner, diversifying? This is good. This is fun. We're having fun.
Dwight: Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today?
(They both start laughing)
CUT TO CONFERENCE ROOM
(Phyllis and Kevin are racing each other with boxes of paper attached to their feet)
(Everybody is cheering)
Jim: Here we go. Here we go.
Pam: Go Phyllis, come on Kevin!
Creed: ...pair of shoes!
Jim: Dig deep, dig deep.
(Phyllis almost falls across the finish line, which by the way is a stretch out roll of scotch tape)
Jim: Oh, oh! It's Phyllis!
Pam: It's Phyllis.
Jim: Gold medal in flurninton.
Pam: Flonkerton.
Jim: Yes, thank you delegate from Iceland.
CUT TO LATER IN THE OFFICE
(Kevin prepares his jar of M&Ms, then starts pouring them into his mouth)
(Everybody watches, amazed)
(Phyllis, Meredith, and Pam are unconsciously copying Kevin's open mouth stance)
Jim: Wow, okay, no one else should even try. Gold medals. (people start clapping) Give him medals. Wow.
(Pam puts a medal around Kevin who still has his mouth full of M&Ms)
CUT TO THE CONDO
Michael: There's something else Dwight, that I wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you. For helping me out today.
Dwight: Oh, you didn't have to do-
Michael: No, no, I insist, I insist. Because you've really done some great work. Great work. And that is why I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent. (makes a surprised face)
(Dwight looks at Michael)
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Uh, I rewarded Dwight with the room and he is rewarding me back with $500, plus utilities.
CUT BACK TO THE CONDO
Dwight: I don't even know what to say.
Michael: I'm thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we'll go month to month after that. Or until I start, dating and have a girlfriend, and then you're, you know, you're gone. So...
Dwight: Question, where can I put my terrarium.
Michael: What the hell is a terrarium?
Dwight: It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
Michael: Oh, so an aquarium?
(Dwight looks at the camera, shakes his head and rolls his eyes)
Michael: Uh, that, will not come into this place, okay?
Dwight: Question.
Michael: (under his breath) Oh my God.
Dwight: My grandparents left me a large number of armoires?
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Stanley is getting ready to throw paper at something)
(The camera zooms to Pam and Angela by the water cooler)
Pam: Are you sure you don't want to play?
Angela: I'm sure.
Pam: Come on Angela, don't you have a game?
Angela: I have one yes.
Pam: Well, let's play, what is it?
Angela: I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim get up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
Pam: (confused) We're friends.
Angela: Apparently.
(Pam looks at Angela and goes to join the rest of the group)
Jim: (OS) Okay, very nicely done. (the camera pans to Jim) I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho?
Jim: Oh my God. Phyllis coming alive! I like it.
CUT BACK TO CONDO
Dwight: Question. What about carpooling? Uh, who pays for the gas?
Michael: We take separate cars.
Dwight: Okay, question. Can sometimes I drive your car, and you drive mine?
Michael: Why would we do that?
Dwight: Just for fun?
Michael: (exasperated) No.
Dwight: 'Kay, question. Who is the primary on the fire insurance?
(Michael turns around)
Michael: (making a buzzard sound) AAAAAAAAAANG!!! Game over! Offer, revoked! Dwight. I'm sorry, but you reach out, and you try to be a nice guy and help out a friend and this is what happens. This is what I get. Ohh, God, I'm...okay. Oooh.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a 9 bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It's the perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one. (beat) And it's under the porch.
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Everybody is standing by the elevator, the doors open)
(Everybody throws up their hands in defeat)
Jim: Oh! Who had someone from Vance Refrigeration?
(Ryan raises his hand)
Jim: Ryan Howard? (Everybody claps) Ryan. Gold Medal. (hands him a medal)
CUT TO EVERYBODY WALKING BACK TO THE OFFICE AREA
Pam: (to Jim) I made something, for closing ceremonies.
Jim: What?
(Opens a box just enough for Jim to peek, all we can see are the tops of folded pieces of white paper)
Jim: (astonished) Oh my God. Where'd you have time to make that?
Pam: Automatic voice mail.
Jim: Alright Pam. (gives her a high five) Alright.
(Pam giggles)
Jim: Nice work. (walks away)
(Pam laughs as she watches Jim walk away, then she catches Angela's eye)
(Angela marks a piece of paper with flourish while giving Pam a stern, knowing eye)
(Pam looks away, uneasy, and smiles at everybody else coming in)
Stanley: A little bit more, and I would have had it.
(Kelly laughs)
CUT TO MICHAEL'S CAR
Dwight: You know, you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15 year on our beet farm, and we paid it off early.
Michael: Yeah, well you know what, nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst.
Dwight: People love beets.
Michael: Nobody likes beets.
Dwight: Everyone loves beets.
Michael: (scolding) Nobody likes beets, Dwight.
(Dwight hangs his head)
Michael: Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. (sighs and looks out the window) I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet.
(Dwight reaches for the roof release again)
Dwight: Let's get this roof going again.
(Michael slaps his arm)
Michael: Stop it.
Dwight: Ow.
CUT TO THE OFFICE
Jim: (holding a stopwatch) Final lap! Final lap!
(Toby and Oscar go rushing by holding mugs full of coffee, trying not to spill)
(People are cheering)
Jim: Time to beat is 1:15, time to beat is one minute, fifteen seconds!
(Toby and Oscar are making their way around the desks)
Meredith: Go go go!
Jim: Here they come!
(Toby and Oscar round the corner just as Michael and Dwight walk in the door, the stop immediately)
(Everybody is suddenly quiet, they dissipate and quickly go back to their desk)
(Jim is still standing there with the stop watch)
Jim: Guys.
Dwight: What is going on?
Jim: Nothing. Guys? Timer's still going? Er...
Dwight: That's my stop watch.
(Jim looks at the watch, takes it off and hands it to Dwight in defeat)
(The camera focuses on Michael in his office)
(He is looking at his new keys, he sighs, devastated, and puts his head down on his desk)
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Pam is working on her computer, her medals lie next to her mouse)
CUT TO ACCOUNTING AREA
(Everybody is working again, Jim walks up to Oscar)
Jim: (hands him a paper) There you go, all done.
Oscar: Great.
CUT TO INDUVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: Yeah, I filled out the expense reports. That took about five minutes. Then I closed two sales at lunch time. So...about as productive as any other day. If not more so.
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Pam is getting up from her desk when she sees Ryan throwing his medal in the trash)
(They make eye contact, Pam looks a little hurt, Ryan glances down and continues walking to his desk)
Ryan: I figured I could throw it away now. Or keep it for a couple of months, then throw it away. I mean it was really nice of Pam to make them, but what am I going to do with a gold medal made of paper clips and an old yogurt lid?
CUT TO JIM'S DESK
(Jim is looking at his medal on his desk, he raises his eyebrows)
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Pam is on the phone)
Jim: Hey.
Pam: I have 59 voice mails.
Jim: Um. Hey, could you ignore those and...do something for me instead?
Pam: (without thinking twice) Sure. (hangs up the phone)
Jim: Okay. Today, 5 o'clock...closing ceremonies.
Pam: Really?
Jim: Notify the athletes.
Pam: (smiles) Cool.
CUT TO OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Jim knocks on the door, then opens it)
Jim: Michael.
Michael: (looking out window) Yep, Jim. Slim Jim. What's going, what's going on?
Jim: Nothing, I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo.
Michael: Oh, thanks, thanks, it's very cool. It's a three bedroom, gay friendly.
Jim: Nice.
Michael: You know...
Jim: Hey, would you mind coming out here for a second? I just, have something for ya.
Michael: Really?
CUT TO JIM AND MICHAEL WALKING OUT OF HIS OFFICE
Michael: What's this?
Jim: These are the closing ceremonies.
(Camera shows Pam standing next to a podium made of reams of paper, everybody is standing, waiting)
Jim: Step up.
Michael: Well, um..
Jim: Here, on the top one.
(Michael stands on the high stack)
Jim: (to everybody) Congratulations to Michael, 'cause he closed on his condo. So, gold medal. (puts a medal around Michael)
(People clap)
Michael: (sincere) I don't really know what to say. Um...
(Camera pans the office workers, they are actually smiling at Michael)
Michael: I'm not one for making speeches, but, ah, my heart is very full at this moment.
(Everybody claps again)
Jim: And, for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal.
(Applause, Dwight looks a little confused)
Michael: Get on up here Dwight.
(Dwight stands next to Michael, Jim puts a medal around Dwight)
Dwight: (looking at his medal) Silver medal.
Michael: Yeah, not as good as gold.
(Jim stands on the other side of Michael and puts a medal on)
(Pam presses play on an iPod hooked up to a stereo, the National Anthem starts to play)
(Everybody puts their hands over their hearts and listen)
Michael: (to Jim) Why you playing the National Anthem?
Jim: Um, 'cause your condo is in America.
Michael: Oh.
(Pam, excited, pulls on a string behind Jim)
(Origami birds start to make their way up another string)
(Michael and Dwight look at the birds lining up behind them while Jim looks ahead)
Michael: What the hell is that?
Jim: Those are the doves.
(Michael accepts that answer and looks around the office)
(Everybody has their right hands on their hearts, Kevin has his left hand on his chest instead)
(It's a very touching moment for everybody)
(Jim grins at the birds)
(Pam looks up at Jim, Jim is smiling at her)
(Everybody is all smiles as the song ends, applause breaks out)
(Michael looks at the camera, eyes brimming, and smiles)
THE END
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Transcribed by NIKKI
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